


Wallaby

by Tastytextures



Category: Death Stranding (Video Games)
Genre: Angst, Dominance, Emotional Manipulation, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Hurt/Comfort, Lore friendly, Slow Burn, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-16
Updated: 2020-10-17
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:07:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 28
Words: 89,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21824893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tastytextures/pseuds/Tastytextures
Summary: The two sibblings Sylf and Eden live most of their life together, carrying cargo around to different locations, only knowing each other and making a life for themselves. This all abrubtly comes to an end when the two get seperated on their way home. Where the brother makes it back home, his sister is left to find her own way. And on her little detour finds herself having dropped in the wrong territory: A terrorist camp.
Relationships: Higgs Monaghan/Original Character(s), Higgs Monaghan/Original Female Character(s), Higgs Monaghan/Reader, Higgs x OC, higgs monaghan x oc
Comments: 107
Kudos: 111





	1. Breathe in.

Timefall didn't affect her, it never did. She always wondered why, her mother, father.. Brother, they all had DOOMS. But even so they wouldn't bother going through timefall without anything protecting them from the rain. But here she was, in just a tank top and pants along with her climbing gear hung around her waist. Outside of the Distribution center south of Lake Knot City, it was pouring down and she tilted her head upward to the sky, letting the droplets touch her skin. Raising her arms, her hairs standing up in reponse to the cool air outside, watching the water drip down from her fingers. Her long auburn brown hair stuck to her skin and top and softly hummed to herself  
She heard shuffling behind her, sighing to herself. Always in such a rush, she wish she could enjoy moments like this longer, it's really all she had anyway. Turning her head to see her brother carry one heavy backpack with him, another as usual on his back already .  
"leaving reality again?" he joked, she just smiled at him. Eden, the outside world, it was all she knew. It was just the two of them, and heavy cargo. He was already completely dressed, geared up. The usual clothing that would keep moist and timefall out, Dark grey timefall resistant clothes, lined with accents of orange. No BB's for them as they weren't part of bridges. She eyed him with a soft look on her, his face was the only place she truly called home, not their shitty shelter up in the mountains. His hair was much like hers, but a darker shade of brown and he was sporting a decent short beard, they've been on the road for quite a while. And this was their last long walk back home.   
He approached her and put the backpack down next to her, along with her coat and shoved it into her chest, forcing her to grab it from him or it would fall to the ground. "it's cold sis.." 

She didn't exactly agree, it wasn't cold, but she put on the coat anyway. Slightly bummed out that the rain was no longer tickling her skin, maybe that was just something weird about her. But she could care less if she got sick. "did you eat?" Eden shook her from her thoughts again, she rose the backpack up and over her shoulders.

"Yes" she lied, she starting zipping up her coat and fastening some buckles to secure the backpack, keeping it in place and then onto her knee and elbow pads, gloves..  
They were freelancers, basically. Mostly kept to themselves and earned resources from Bridges and other preppers to keep them going. To live. However Sylf was more a creature of reason and logic, she always struggled to find the point in this. In everything really, just wanting to live for something more, or other than just carrying packages around. 

She started stretching her shoulders and arms to prepare her muscles for the road when a red blinking light caught her eye. She frowned and tugged at Eden's sleeve, he stopped in his tracks and eyed her curiously, they rarely spoke sometimes. Gestures used between one another was all they needed, or a simple glance. They werent twins, but they grew up together so closely, living with secluded parents, scared of the outside world the only fun they had was each other, no cursing allowed, so they made up signs for it.   
Sylf nodded towards the light and Eden frowned, reaching for his binoculars "i think it's near the weather station" she said and he scoffed. They both thought the same thing, probably a MULE's light or odradek. He brought the binoculars to his face and scanned the area and source of light. It was evening, even when Odradeks shine brighter than most other lights from far away, it could still be anything.

Sylf turned to her brother and nudged him again, wanting answers, because if it's indeed MULE's it seems like their little travel through the mountain isn't going to happen today. Or rather.. Tonight. "I think.. It's MULEs? I don't know man.. If they are, they arent dressed in any style i've seen before." he lowered the binoculars and gave them to Sylf, sighing harshly "we picked tonight for a reason, no timefall through the mountains overnight. I don't feel like going all the way around it takes ages, and we might find BT's on the road and you'll just get sick.." he groaned "we can take a car it's fine" she added to that and scanned the same are he did.  
"what's the point we'll ditch it half way by allerting BT's, what a waste of resources"  
She frowned at him again, guessing he wasn't in the best of moods? His sudden dip in behavior however alarmed her slightly. She also always felt like the biggest burden by this simple fact; supposedly having DOOMS yet not being bale to see any BT's. To make things worse their presence made her feel sick to her stomach. It made their journeys a never ending nightmare.  
Trying to ditch the thought and self loathing, she concentrated on the weather station when Eden stopped complaining, all she saw were what.. Maybe 3 men or women. But what caught her eye was how some of their gear, or clothes seem to reflect light off of it. Something she hadn't seen before. She's seen MULE's who have light attatched to their suit, but not quite like this. It was hard to see and almost blinding when light hit it.

"come on" Eden said and tugged her by the wrist, she guessed he decided on his own where they were going. He let her go and she tagged along behind him, catching up and putting the binoculars in one of his pouches on the back of his rugsack. "we're going North, past Craftsman and from there we'll see if we can make it to the waystation of Mountain Knot without any trouble.."  
She only slowly nodded to that, she wasn't even sure if Eden was looking but it didn't matter all the same, he had his mind set to this route, so he was going to take it. And ofcourse, also not following up on her advice to take a vehicle.   
She wasn't opposed to walking but.. It did make things so much faster. Except they weren't with bridges, and stuff like that would cost them way more than actual members. But right about now, she would kill for a clumsy truck as Eden sped up in his tracks, stepping up onto the highway, but stopping to help his sister climb up by offering a hand. 

"what's the rush?" she asked and he just shook his head, again speeding up "come on" she almost couldn't hear him, she reached for his hand. Tugging him back hoping to make him slow down. He didn't exactly comply, he did slow down a bit but the difference was barely noticable. He kept looking over his shoulder, back to the distribution center while also trying to stay as close to the side of the road as possible. Not wanting to be roadkill for other porters using the highway in a vehicle. 

Only after a decent half hour of fast walking did he finally stop and sigh, she halted in front of him, just eyeing him as he caught his breath and reposition his backpack. Meeting her gaze which told him she was still, waiting for an answer. He looked back again, seeing nothing and then back to her "You've been paranoid the entire time, what's up?" she finally asked.  
"I know, you're usually the moody one.." he softly chuckled "I didn't want to alarm you but, i think those were terrorists."   
She frowned at his response, it was a mixture of being annoyed with him for not informing her. And knowing that she has been irrational in tense situations like that. She didn't blame him, but as the younger sister, yeah. That gets frustrating.  
"tell me next time, i'm not 12 anymore.."   
She hoisted up her backpack and started walking again, guessing Eden wanted to take a small breather but she wasn't really feeling like sticking around. If he wanted to, he could catch up to her.  
"don't stray too far" he called after her and went looking in his pouches for his canteen.  
"wouldn't dream of it."

\--

And so, they walked.  
For hours now that their walk has significantly slowed down without the threat behind them. As usual Eden is up front, Sylf tailing behind enjoying the scenery and whatever else catching her eye that amused her. Happily humming music, she was indeed a moody one mostly. But these were her favorite parts, walking in nature.  
"I breeathe iiin..."  
She had her hands clutched to the straps of her backpack and head upward to the sky. Occasionally she would sing, the little songs she new. But this slowly died down when they went past craftsman, this is where the landscape turned more... Depressing. She loved all parts of nature really, but of all places this wasn't her favorite spot. So much of the same shade, brown.. Bronze, red maybe. And sure the blue or grey sky. She grumbled to herself, knowing the boring part of their little journey has started.  
"on to the waystation, you need a breather before we climb up?" Eden stopped and turned to her, waiting for her answer but she shook her head, so off they went. The climb wasn't that impressive honestly, but it was a small climb nonetheless. They've gone down this road more often than not, but it's been a long time since they've actually stopped in north Mountain Knot's waystation.

Thank god it was all clear skies, they weren't as updated as most porters, their 'weather prediction tools' we're literally, just that. Predictions. But they made it work.   
In a small hour they made it to the waystation, walking into the shelter's door after entering the perimeter and sat down their backpacks. Eden walking up to the terminal as Sylf rubbed at her shoulders. He was just checking to see if anything needed to go where they were headed, parcels that is. Sylf took the moment to to sit her ass down in the grass, it barely touched the ground and she already fell into the grass on her back. She had to admit, she was pretty exhausted. And hungry.. "how annoying" she whispered to herself and sat back up again to deafetedly walk over to her backpack. 

"anything?" she asked her brother who was still at the terminal, going through the pockets of her bag to find her lunchbox. Yeah, she had one of those. Something Eden always found funny and a bit childish, but it worked. Her sandwiches stayed in the shape they were made, uncrushed by other stuff and tasted better, it's amazing what sealing off food can do. 

"nein" he stepped away from the terminal and eyed Sylf reaching for her sandwiches. Which gave him the idea to do the same and reach into his bag also, taking out his (ofcourse) crushed and beaten up wrapped food. "cheers" he said when he booped his sandwich against hers. She chuckled and they both sat down inside the shelter near the terminal, leaning against the wall as they ate.  
"you wanna camp out inside the perimeter?" he asked all the while chomping down his food "pig. But sure" she smiled softly.   
They were used to being to themselves, she always thought it bothered her. Not being around many people, because humans are social creatures right? It didn't matter to her. Or she just didn't know any better. In fact many people, crowds, it just made her uneasy. Feeling out of place.  
Even though Eden was the one to eat after Sylf started, he always finished before her. He wiped his hands clean and got up, grabbing both backpacks and kissed his sister ontop of her head "i'm gonna set up the timefall tent" She nodded to that and continued to munch on her sandwich.   
And as she watched her brother get to work, she smiled to herself. She figured, this was also one of her favorite moments, she had a lot of favorite moments. Also very bad ones. But the quiet is always what made her feel at peace, it was just right. She raised a brow as Eden started taking off some of his clothes, ofcourse the coat went first, then his shirt, it wasn't that cold here to begin with. It was late Summer also.   
They both had these little stupid quirky things, Eden hated physical labor with too many constrains, a.k.a clothing. Same with sleeping. Which was a huge pet peeve for her, waking up to your sibbling when sharing a small timefall shelter or tent, when they prefer sleeping naked. Not the most ideal thing, certaintly not pleasant.  
But when you're family, you put up with these things, even when they annoy you. Sylf had finished her sandwich and helped her brother out with the small tent, carrying their stuff inside once it was done. And then got ready for the 'night'  
It was night technically, but it never got darker than a depressing shade of grey in the sky. Some nights were darker than others, but mostly. It was just this. She had only seen stars once, it was one of the most magical things she had ever seen. She couldn't even remember how old she was. But she would always dream of it.   
Their tent was dark enough to imagine, but she hardly had the time. Sleep always caught up with her faster than she thought. This time more than usual for some reason, she didn't even notice her brother moving around next to her, to get his boxers off from under the blanket. At least it was a more polite thing to do than just flash his sister his junk, they probably wouldn't look at each other for days.  
\--

The next morning announced itself with very soft drops of rain on their tent, Sylf was the first one to wake up. Which was also pretty usual, Eden was the deeper sleeper and also the one, to sleep in. Who was currently sprawled out and had forced one of his arms on Sylf's side for more space. Again nothing new, she could deal with an arm as long as it wasn't anything worse. She didn't like to admit it, but she enjoyed the company. Others may find it odd, but she liked that kind of affection, it also made her feel better if she had any nightmares. Or worse, terrors.  
She blinked softly and looked at the 'ceiling' of their tent and inhaled slowly, she wished the soft timefall would've started when they fell asleep, rather than waking up. But she wasn't mad about it. She rolled over and moved Eden's arm back to his side and nudge him softly to wake up.   
Starting her usual routine, rising up from under her blankets. Unlike her brother she slept with clothes, certaintly in the small tents as it could still get rather chilly in there. But right after getting up she replaced her shorts with her usual leggings and then her actual pants for outside. Skipping a bra for once, well she didn't wear one but a sports bra for her travels. She still hated those goddamn things, sometimes she goes without. It's honestly not that annoying as women make it out to be anyway she thought, that and.. She wasn't exactly sporting the biggest ones out there. Hers were fairly normal, or smaller.

She finished the rest of her routine and so did Eden. Depending on the situation or time frame, they would usually have coffee, but Eden's lack of morning banter tells her all she needs to know. And that is that he just wants to go home already. Certaintly now that the little bit of timefall has stopped. She doesn't entirely disagree.. She could do with a nice shower for one..  
Together they packed up the tent and the remaints of it went into Eden's backpack. Getting their belongings and finally making their way up the mountain. And the higher up they went, the colder it got. No matter, they were used to it anyways as they lived rather high up in the mountains. Sylf chuckled a bit to herself once they finally set their boots in snow. The farmilliar sound of the snow cracking under her. And as they climbed up higher she started her usual hum again, mostly just to herself. Eden was a bit further up ahead and you couldn't quite hear anyway with the strong winds. She was just minding her own business when Eden turned his head over his shoulder to see where she was, he didn't see her at first, but then her head popped up from behind a big rock and he sighed. She was further back than he thought she was, he knew that -she- knew the way. But still he preferred her to keep up more. Or just, not letting her out of his sight really. Even when he's used to her just enjoying her walk, not getting into any trouble. It never happened before at least. He sighed once more when he decided to let her do his thing. Reminding himself to look back every once or so.  
But he stopped dead in his tracks as he heard rumbling in the sky, he looked up and clouds were forming. And what he thought looked like timefall further into the distance. He turned around now and looked over for his sister again, he bit his bottom lip when he didn't see her again. His heart would always stop untill she would appear. And as always, there she was, giving him a little wave, seemingly not knowing about the misery ahead of them.

"Sylf!!" he yelled out to her "we have to go come on!!" to make matters worse, the wind picked up. And so did snow. She stopped and visibly shrugged her shoulders to him to signal she couldn't hear him.

He let out a low growl and started heading her way, but again made to a stop when he felt the earth shift under him. Soft cracks that turned into something deeper, it was creating cuts and ripples in the snow. "fuck.." he said softly. He hoped it wasn't due to his yelling, but it seemed like the ground was coming apart.

He was right. The innocent cuts in the snow were no longer just that, the ground started to shift more, it was too late now, he might as well yell... Warn her.. "SYLF RUN!!!" he yelled at her and this time, even though she couldn't quite make out what he said she got the message. He was wildly waving his arms for her to clear out.  
'fuck fuck fuck fuck'  
She couldn't think straight, but soon for her, the ground shifted as well. She looked down, back up to Eden who was still signaling her to move out, she bit down on her lip and softly whimpered. She knew what to do, they have spoken about this. Many, many times.. Their plan. What they would do if they ever get split up, if they ever got caught or worse. Make it home, fast, don't start looking for one another. It seemed harsh, but it was the best thing they could manage to come up with.  
A tear rolled over her cheek, this was the first time she'd ever have to split up with her brother. But she bit down the tears, there's no time for that. If she didn't move she could possibly get stuck under rubble of rocks, snow, or worse. She started to make a move for it. Slowly ascending down west of the mountain, having her climbing anchor ready. She nudged it in between two rocks firmly and started to climb down. All the while avoiding clutter and heavy snow falling down. It wasn't a full blown avalange, but regardless even the baby ones are not to be messed with. She was writing a plan up in her head. She had two options, make a stop at the incinerator. Or, the North distribution center.  
As she made her way down the rope, and down the mountains she didn't anticipate how slippery the rocks would be from the snow. Making one mistep and almost let go of her rope entirely, her heart was beating in her chest and she paused her ascend. "fuck.." again honestly all she would want to do right now is, cry. She was by no means weak, or overly emotional. But this was the first time being seperated from the only person she calls home, that and she's in danger. They've both seen danger before. But together.  
Lost in her thoughs again, she makes another detrimental mistake and this one was also the last. She let go of the rope and started to tumble down, yelling all the while trying to get anything to grab on to and slow her descend. She doesn't find any and her tumble is starting to gain momentum. Spiraling out of control and losing her cargo from her backpack, rocks ripping into it and spilling it's contents. What seemed like, hours, falling down. It's like every story every victim ever tells you 'it's like everything is in slow motion'  
And this was exactly like that. She wouldn't notice much more of it however, her tumble soon came to it's stop, consciously at least when she hit her head on a rock, knocking her out the moment she made contact with it. 

It wasn't all black though.  
She dreamed. Well it was a little black, it was the big void people called the starry sky. All kinds of different vibrant colors, on such a dark canvas. Littered in tiny shiny dots. The stars.  
It was one of those dreams where she knew she was dreaming and when she looked down she stopped her glance on her hands, they were so small. And stubby, like small children hands are.  
"aw I'm probably like.. 4 here?" she said to herself, it doesn't make sense for a 4 year old to talk like an adult probably. But in her dreams her voice was always the same. And even when she knew she was dreaming, she always enjoyed it. Taking advantage of the lucid part of it, and going with it. She wondered where her parents were and starting looking around. But she was outside, it slowly made sense to her.

She was in a crater. The most recent void out where 2 bridges members died. She heard about it, she hadn't seen it. And immediately she wondered if what she was dreaming, actually looked like said crater. She started walking barefoot through the sand when the sudden thought rang through her mind like sharp glass. She halted and realized, she was falling. She wasn't just in her bed safely, or in a tent with Eden. She was alone, and she fell. But that means she's still alive right?  
And just like that she tried every trick in the book that worked in the past to get herself to wake up, pinching, slapping herself, trying to jump off something high. It all didn't work.. Untill it just, randomly did.

Sounds started to change, the weight changed. The smells, the sensations. She was coming back to reality. And once she opened her eyes the first thing she felt was the agonizing headache, probably from hitting her head. Although she could barely remember it ever happened. As she regained her senses however, she realized she wasn't alone.  
Boots shuffled through broken up snow, that fell down the mountain. And grass, did she make it all the way down the mountain like that? 

"she's waking up sir" hearing a man's voice, she finally dared to look up and rolled from her tummy to her side, to slowly moving to her knees. She saw men dressed in black, masked, cloaks with their hoods up. And they were most definitely armed.   
And then she remembered, there's a fucking terrorist camp between the two only locations she wanted to seek shelter.  
One of them crouched down next to her, which made her crawl a bit backwards in respond. "hey now it's alright we won't hurt ya" the man spoke, honestly his voice sounded nice... Polite?   
The masked figure reached out a hand for her, unsure what to do and slowly connecting all the dots when light hit the back of the man's cloak.. They reflected. She felt lighthead, not even having time to think about grabbing the hand, she passed out again.


	2. Without you.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No introductions; lets just get riiight into it.

The next time she opened her eyes it was in a different place entirely, it shouldn't surprise her except when the first bit of reality came back to her, she completely forgot what happened. And was still making sense of her surroundings, looking around and only seeing a bunch of cots, some bunkbeds... A big tent. She was in.. Barracks? The headache was gone at least. There was a dull banging in the back of her head that was left. But once she remembered the agonizing headache, the other memories started to seep back into her mind. 

She split up with Eden, She fell.. And then...

"the terrorists!" she jolted upward from her position to find out she was cuffed with both hands to the cot she was laying on. Hearing them clank against the metal on the sides of the cot, she started tugging to see how secure they were. Finding no immediate escape she resorted back to looking around, every bed was empty. There were some bunkbeds in the middle, and cots more closely to the exit of the big relief tent. She licked her lips, chapped and dry. God she was thirsty...

"focus"

She tried hard to ignore her stomach which was furiously rumbling while scanning through the tent. Then back down to her cot, leaning over the edge to see underneath it. She could.. Technically lift the cot alltogether to get out? She growled. And then what? Walk outside in a guarded camp full of terrorist with a cot stuck to both of her wrists?   
She leaned down so she could rub her face with her cuffed hands, then looked to the side again. There was actually someone standing near the exit, he was holding a rifle. She couldn't see much else outside as the light was too blinding, and she was still getting her eyes adjusted from waking up. She could hear talking though, soon the soldier in front of the exit started moving, seemingly talking to someone else. To her it just sounded like muffled nothings honestly. But the second voice made more sense to her once she could place it, rather or not she regonized the sound of it, she regonized how painfully nice it sounded.  
The soldier moved aside and soon the hooded figure from before entered the tent, the same one she was guessing, but most importantly, her gaze stopped at the man's BB. It confused her, not only that she hadn't seen it before, or he didn't have it on him.. But mostly because she thought only member of Bridges had BB's.  
This time the man didn't wear a mask, the hood was covering most of his face however and creating a dark shadow that stopped somewhere on top of his nose. She still tried to make out his features, a little more than a nine-o clock shadow..   
That and a devlish big smile on the man's face.

"You're awake!" he broke the silence and stepped closer to her cot, again she wanted to back down, crawl back, whatever. But she was chained to her spot. And didn't bother speaking up.

"why is everyone always so goddamn quiet, didn't i tell you we wouldn't hurt you?" he smiled at her again and sat himself down on a chair next to her "i get it, you're cuffed to a random bed, in a camp with people you've never seen before. 'we wont hurt you' doesn't seem very legit does it?"

Again she just, listened and eyed him closely, like an animal almost, on guard and ready to strike or dodge when anything comes near. The man sighed.  
"Fine. What's your name?"  
Again she didn't answer, he raised his brows and waited for her, looking her straight in the eye. Still had a smile on his face and he didn't say or ask anything after, she just had a stare down with him. She figured he would ask more, or you know, explain what's going on and what he wants to do with her, he seemed like a talker. But instead he just sits there looking at her, waiting.. 

"W-wallaby" she finally softly spoke after almost a decent minute, his smile grew even larger. He knew she would crack sooner or later. Yes it wasn't her name, it was a little nickname her mother gave to her, a nickname Eden would only use every so often.   
"that's a nice codename, but i know that's not your real name"

"why's it matter though?" she immediately responded and he tapped his knee "you already answered it for me, see i had a feeling your parents werent cruel enough to call you Wallaby, i'd pity your childhood. So what's your name? Your.. Full name Wallaby"

She huffed at him now, she didn't wanna say he was smart, rather just perspective and it was an easy trap to fall into. And as a dumb deer in headlights, fell right into it. She could make up a name easily, but what if he would try to track her down, find nothing and just straight up kill her? Or, he would track her down.. And lead him straight to Eden, but. At the same time what would he gain by that? They had nothing, a small shelter, 2 people who kept to themselves. She sighed.  
"Sylf.. Ayae" she answered and defeatedly hung her shoulders, looking down to her fingers and over the shackles he was forced to wear.  
"Kind of a strange name, but i like it" she looked up again at his quirky compliment, but it went on deaf ears, the only thing she wanted to know was what she was doing here. And before she could open her mouth he stood up from his chair "one sec!-"  
She frowned and watched him walk outside of the tent, signaling to the soldier to go back on guard duty again. Yeah her idea of lifting the cot and getting out that way seemed very silly now, seeing who she was dealing with he'd probably just have a good laugh and return her right back to her chained position. So, she waited.

After a while, he came back in, the heavy footsteps of the man's boots invading the tent. He sat back down in the chair in front of her, where she was still seated in the same position. And as he looked up to her, she could make out more of his face, his hood had shifted back a little after his walk. And she saw 2 bright blue eyes.. And darnkess around them. Interesting choice in style. She knew it wasn't a style choice most likely, but she wasn't going to ask. 

"so i did some digging, you're not very important, i could hardly find anything at all. No relatives, not affiliated to anything. So, you're good to go"  
She wasn't even going ask him why he didn't find any other relatives, clearly she was curious why there was no record of Eden, but it was probably for the best. Still she sat there wide eyed looking the man in his eyes, confused.. He was going to let her go?  
Again she opened her mouth to speak, but she stopped when he reached out to her and started undoing her cuffs. Putting them away and even as much offering her a hand to stand up. She was completely silent throuh all of this and watched the man carefully.  
"i'm sorry we couldn't recover any of your belongings.. It was all ruined after your fall, i'm assuming you fell. At least. We found a rope next to you, you poor thing, you're so lucky you made it out with just a little cut" he pointed at her forehead, making her reach up. Feeling her temple and eyebrow, there was a gash there, all stitched up. She had.. So many questions.

"How long was i..-"

"2 days miss." He answered immediately, and while escorting her out of the tent he gave her a bottle of water "for the road"   
She was never so happy to see water and she immediately opened it and started gulping it down "'wow' there i guess you were thirsty" he gave her a loud chuckle and once they were out of the tent, she noticed a bunch of men, more armed men, gathering near the stranger and herself. 2 of them at least. She raised a brow, wanting to ask but again, he cut her to the chase.  
"for your safety, we'll escort you out of the camp" he insured her, to which she slowly nodded. "o-okay" she straightened her back and when the stranger gave another signal to start moving, they started walking. She guessed south, seeing the mountain on her left side. 

They walked for a while, she never spoke a word except for the kind stranger who was telling one of the other men a story about his first drink. Just banter between men, she thought to herself and she completely tuned the conversation out. Just listening to nature, honestly this spot was nice. It may by a terrorist camp but their spot in the forest was a good choice, tactical sure, lot of cover but.. It was just so goddamn beautifull. She'd love to live in the forest if it wasn't so dangerous. MULEs were infamously known to stick to low lands. For her at least, she never saw any up on uneven terrain. Then again these werent MULEs, were they? Terrorist MULEs? Was there a difference?  
Whatever.

She stopped walking when she almost tripped over a branch on the forest floor and looked forward now. Feeling every hair on her body stand on end, slowly her stomach turned. It's been a while she felt like this, only when she's near.. BT's.  
She turned her head now, towards the men behind her who she sees have also stopped dead in their tracks. The kind stranger up front, now wearing a devilish smile. Hoisting his rifle over his shoulder and nodded forward. "go on then"  
She frowned at them, looking back into the woods and moving her foot simply one step.. And she saw it. Tiny plants, grass.. Sprouting from the forest's ground, along with a hurl she was repressing deep from within. She looked back towards her capters.. Or, saviors? Confused, sick and growing scared.  
"we're going through BTs...?" her heart sank to her stomach when she even muttered the words.

The stranger started laughing, maybe a bit harder than neccesary, seeing their situation. Which made her even more paranoid and kept looking over her shoulder to see if anything changed. Even when she couldn't physically see BT's.

"Hah, no. -You're- going to walk through the BTs." he answered and lowered his rifle now, not pointing it at her, but clearly keeping it ready if needed. She inhaled deeply, what the fuck?  
At the same time, timefall kicked in, it started to softly rain to which the strangers corrected their hoods, to protect them from the droplets. She didn't do the same however, her hood stayed down, staring down the kind stranger as drops of timefall fell on her skin. The man looked at her in question at that, only momentarily, but then regained his smile again.

"You really think it's that simple? Are you honestly that stupid?" again, amused, he looked back to the soldier behind him for a moment, before back to Sylf. Who was standing frozen, terrified.  
"You think i'd just let you walk out of here, without any problem? Secondly.. Wouldn't you think it's quite rude to first save someone, but send 'em out empty handed, but a bottle of water? Quite in-humane if 'ya ask me."

He chuckled again, there was nothing she could say, rather than wait what he wanted from her. Again she felt stupid, ofcourse there is something extremely off about a fucking terrorist camp, being chained up and then being let go without any question. Aside from her name.

"Now i'm going to give you three options. First option is, you stay right there freezing to death- wait no i got 4 options for you!" he laughed in between and aimed his gun at her "option two: i shoot you in the head. Quick, easy, no pain. Options three: you walk through timefall and a shiiiit 'ton of BT's." he paused and lowered his rifle "or option four: you do me a few favors? If you do well, i promiss i won't shoot you in the head, how's that sound? Like a deal?"  
She frowned deeply. Thinking her options over, obviously she leans the most towards the latter, the one that insures her survival. Or.. At least insured it the most. "o-option four" she spoke softly, not wanting to alert BTs.

He didn't say anything at first, his smile finally dropped and he slowly walked up to her. Looking her over closely and meeting her eyes "Don't bullshit me Wallaby, the moment you take the chance and run, i will find you. I have your name, I know where your brother lives. I know you do work for Bridges, you may not work for them directly, but i know all the same" he gave her another short smile after that, her heart sank. He outsmarted her again. "The only thing i want you to do is drop something off for me, ain't that hard right? People at bridges don't like us much there, i'm sure a nice trusted face like yours will do better" he glanced over back to the other guys and they gave him a short laugh. Then looked back to Sylf and waited for her to answer.  
"so, what of it? Minor slavery or death?" the corners of his mouth curled up again and eagerly awaited her answer. She met his gaze back and took a deep breath. Whatever it is was he wanted her to do, it could possible not be as bad as him just leaving her right here and then. Or straight up shooting her.

"yes?" she stuttered.

"what's that?" he put his hand to his ear and leaned in closer to her "we've got a deal?" eyeing her still.

"yes.. we've got a deal.." she spoke up a bit louder now, in respond he put his rifle away immediately and swung an arm around her shoulders. Her immediate gut feeling told her to jerk away and scream loudly, but she wasn't -entirely- stupid.   
"Yes, i love new co workers. Or well, you'll be working under me, but close enough" he chuckled to her again and patted her shoulder. Letting her go "name's Higgs btw" he finally introduced himself and walked back up to the other soldiers.

"Now, let's go home."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing to add here, just Higgy being a big diggy. Again if anyone has anything to mentoin or critique feel free to do so~


	3. Darkest hour.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In case some havent noticed, the chapters are named after low roar songs. As a tip; listen to the music while reading.   
> More often than not i listen to the music myself, get int he mood for what kind of situation or well.. Mood i'm trying to narrate. If that makes sense..
> 
> bit of a shorter chapter this time.

It's been about 12 hours since they walked back to camp, the only thing she had done in the meantime is eat with the so lovely residents of the terrorist camp, drink and then requested to go straight back to bed. She was granted evverything she wanted really, except it was under supervision. When she was brought back to her cot however she was met with more restraints. A longer chain to her cuff than the last one thankfully, attatched to the metal parts of the cot and only with one hand. So, she had some freedom but by no means could escape. Regardless if she agreed to their deal, they still weren't a hundred percent sure if she wasn't just going to get up and leave. To her it was pretty pointless, she wasn't too invested in attempting a heroic escape, that would most likely end with a bullet in the back of her head. 

She had put the belongings they were able to salvage next to her cot. Only thing she really had left from it was a spare change of undies, a few photos and that was about it. She was told it doesn't really matter anyway, she'll make new belongings, they even gave her a nightstand to keep stuff in. How, fucking nice.  
Not a lot were sleeping in the barracks that night, mostly just a few girls and guys from the kitchen who prepare their food. And one guard maybe, who'd switch with the one standing outside. And ofcourse, the kind stranger: Higgs.  
Which she decided isn't so nice afterall, but her gutt told her if she were to just nod along with anything he says, not bite back too much. It should be a cake walk, probably. She wasn't too experienced with people to begin with, other than a few strangers where you exchange polite banter, or her brother. She had seen her brother in social situations quite often, she however wasn't too interested.  
Higgs was the last to enter the tent to get some shut eye. She has been awake for hours pretending to be sleeping, entirely curled up in her double stuffed blankets, almost like a burito. God those cots were terrible. She'd rather sleep on the floor.   
From the tiny beat she could peak from under her blankets, she watched the devil himself removing his gear, his BB, so forth. Stripping down to only his clothing and his boots, still entirely dressed technically safe for the tighter restraints, the man fell on his back into one of the bunk beds. Lucky. She wanted a bunk too..

"Go to sleep Wallaby"

She widened her eyes a little and peaked her nose out now, the voice came from Higgs clearly..

"I am sleeping.."

"You always have conversations with people in your sleep? Any more interestin' tricks other than enduring timefall?"

"I keep waking up because the chain keeps clanking against the cot.."

She grumbled and turned on her side now, annoyed with the sounds so she tried to wrap said chain on her blanket a little, fussing around quite a lot. Making more noise while now trying to get comfortable.

"Fuck sake" Higgs emitted a small groan as he got up, walking over to her little cot and pulling the blankets down. Creating a rather shocked response from Sylf and covers herself up. Sure she was wearing her usual night wear, but still.

"Oh stop, i don't care about your body" he frowned at her and she looked him in the eye, calming down now she let him do his thing. As he found the chain he grabbed some keys from his pocket and starting to undo the lock on one of her cuffs. She smiled a bit to herself, she guessed it annoyed him too. She broke eyecontact, not that he was looking at her, but seeing him without his usual get-up. His hair, his hands, the whatever it was that was written on his forehead, she couldn't make it out. But mostly she stopped at his ears, she bit her bottom lip not to chuckle a little. Also because he scared her still, but his ears were the most interesting and cute looking ones she's seen in a long while. 

"wipe that smirk of your face missy." he caught her anyway, nothing goes by him. He smiled to himself as he put the cuffs away, next to her cot on the nightstand and met her gaze again. "If you try anythin' funny, well-.. You know" he insured her and got up again.

"I don't particularly feel like dying." she answered to that and started to get comfortable again, which was so much easier now. Next stop: one of the bunk beds.  
"now let's both get some sleep yeah? We got stuff to tend to tomorrow" he mumbled while getting back in his bunk as well, turning his back to her and waiting for sleep to come. She did the same, however she was curious to know what was going to happen tomorrow. And then.. She thought about Eden.   
Frowning to herself and rubbing her temples. 'Don't cry'.. she told herself in her mind. Now that the adrenaline has stopped, now that she was 'seemingly' safe. And more aware of her situation, her verdict. She wanted to let go so badly.  
Trying to stay strong, pulling the covers up higher and over her face. She fought so hard, gritting her teeth as she just couldn't stop herself. And some light sniffles went through the barrier of her blanket, the only thing really dulling some of the sounds. But she felt the aching sadness grow and grow, biting on the inside of her cheek she gathered the courage to speak up, find a way out... Not out of the camp but this situation.   
"H-higgs?" she muttered, scared of what he would say, or get angry at her for waking him.. She waited a bit but no answer. She opened her mouth again, but once more he cuts her to the chase.

"If you need to pee, go ask the guard." he answered her in a low growl "go cry outside, don't wake the staff, they need their sleep"

She wanted to break down right then and there, but she simply nodded to herself, hell at this point Higgs might have eyes in the back of his head. She got up slowly and softly, putting on her shoes. Still in shorts and a tank top, she walked up to the exit of the tent and like a little scared cat approached the guard "s-sir"  
He merely gave her a look over, which just made her feel awkward when she remembered how little she was wearing, so she covered up again. The guard asked if she needed the toilet and she nodded.  
"number 1 or 2?" he asked her and she turned bright red, but held up her index finger and he nodded at her, leading her to some of the trees so she could have her precious tinkle in nature. The guard told her to not leave his sights, ofcourse she agreed and only a few meters away or more, she sat down next to a small bush. Doing her business now she was here anyway.. She hardly even started peeing when she started to sob uncontrollably. She must've looked like a weird mess, peeing and crying at the same time. But she didn't know what else to do and it's not like Higgs didn't know what she wanted. So, she sat there for a while, even when her blatter was empty. The guard even as much didn't push her to hurry up, he just stood there, waiting, guarding.   
She had a decent cry for about 10 minutes and furiously wiped at her eyes, sniffling and getting rid of her tears. She inhaled deeply.. And then back out again, gathering her courage to go back into the barracks. Pulling her shorts up and rose to her feet, a bit embaressed but why delay the inevitable. Looking the guard in the eye was the more awkward thing, but weirdly he did not seem to mind at all.   
"better?" he asked her when she approached him, again, tears behind her ears were screaming to come out "Yes.. N-no." she shook her head and sighed "yes." she said again now and waited for the guard. Who still wasn't moving, she wasn't sure why he was so nice with her. But he leaned closer to her, her frown twitched and she stepped back a little.

"Just do what he wants." he whispered to her, looking back to the tent and then back to her. He spoke low enough to think Higgs wouldn't hear, but.. Again, eyes in the back of his head. She simply nodded at the guard and then he took her back to the barracks.  
She passed Higg's bunk and sat back down on her own cot, ready to crawl back into fluff mountain, she called her little set-up.

"better?" Higgs echo'd, same tone, same everything like the guard asked her. She just looked at his frozen body, the pit in her stomach made a small turn.. Yeah. Nothing goes by this guy.  
She didn't say anything, just went back to her previous comfortable position.. And finally let sleep catch up to her.

\---


	4. H.A.F.H.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the kind words so far and the kudos everyone! ;__;
> 
> I'm also making images for this Fic, of it's scenery, camp etc. Hopefully i can convey what her beach looks like. (i work in Source engine) anyway enjoy!

The next time she opened her eyes she was staring into the dark void again, the sky filled with bright lights. Moving her arms around she felt sand between her fingers. Sound of waves crashing in, the wind... She smiled and started sitting up, still in her undies she started to rise to her feet. Looking around, she's never been here before. It was a beach, none like anyone has described before. Everyone's beach is different she knows. But this was a new experience alltogether, it was night but still slightly light enough to see. She couldn't tell if she was tripping or... If she even knew what tripping was or feels like. But lights cascaded onto the sea, not just the stars but deep colors of gold. Reflecting off the water, but there was no source anywhere.  
She walked forward towards the waves untill the water finally hit her naked feet, the light of the water creating small ripples of warm gold lights on her legs. She inhaled and stretched. This was by far the more better experience of her dreams. If only it could last longer.

" Come on, get up" She felt nudging against her shoulder and opened her eyes with a soft groan. Like a slap in the face she remembered where she was and just like that, she was awake.   
A guard was the one to wake her, the same guard as last night, he wasn't wearing much of his gear anymore. So she guessed he was going to bed. She nodded to him and looked over to her right, Higgs was gone. With a small frown she looked back to the guard.  
"He's out" the man answered, damn it seems waking up today is gonna be peacefull. Just how she liked it, still in a terrorist camp. But it's a small given. "there's food out in the court if you want" and with that, indeed the man turned in for the day in one of the bunks.   
She got dressed in the same clothing as the day before, and.. The same clothing she got lost in in the first place. Her leggins, her outside pants, the tank top and her outside jacket. She could really do with a outfit change. But then she remembered, they did give her -some- belongings and made a mental note to check it out later. Right now, she was hungry.  
There weren't many eating at the tables at the foodcourt. If you could call it that, it was really small but it did the trick, all you did was come in, eat and then leave again. No point in making a 5 star restaurant.  
And so did she, got her food, ate and then got the hell out again. She was surprised she was given this much freedom. And wondered a tiny bit if Higgs didn't plant a chip on her overnight or something, this is too much freedom. Was it? There was also no way for her to tell, first time being a captive and all. Or.. Co worker? As Higgs put it.

But now, she wasn't sure what to do, where to go. Or where she was -supposed- to go. And with zero instructions, she decided to walk back to the barracks.  
She was about to set foot into the barracks when something suddenly appeared in front of her seemingly from thin air, there he was. Higgs nearly gave her a heartattack as he teleported right in front of her and she fell back to her ass, it sparked a good laugh in Higgs and he was even kind enough to help her back to her feet by extending his hand to her.

"fuck off" she huffed at him and gave him the worst stink eye, he wasn't wearing his mask and grinned widely at her, then pulling his hand back. She remembered Eden pulling pranks on her, she hated them. It would always just make her heart jump right out of her chest.. And probably followed by a decent fist against Eden's shoulder in retaliation. It was tempting to do the same now, but she wouldn't dare.  
"You've gotten some balls i like it, i've got a present for you" as he spoke Sylf stood up and padded down her ass from her small tumble. Raising a brow at him he pulled something from one of his backpouches, it was a small container of something.. ? She couldn't tell, but once he handed it over to her she pulled a long face. It was soap. A bar of beige soap.  
"I didn't know what colour you'd prefer or what scent so i just made a gamble, coconut it is" he was still standing there with his usual grin and she was just staring at the soap. She blinked for a while, silent but then smiled to herself "i love coconut, actually.. I wish we had some back home"

Back home.... She sighed to herself. The pocketed the soap and looked back at Higgs, getting the words from her lips never hurt more but she went for it anyway "thanks.. " she meant it. It was a small stupid gesture, also she's not entirely stupid and figured she's could.. Yeah, really use a shower.   
"No problem a' all." he turned away from her now and aquired a rugsack from one of the benches in the barracks "this is for you as well" he handed it over to her and started walking outside, signaling her to follow.  
She wanted to take a peek into the rugsack but obiedently followed behind him. They walked through the camp for a bit untill they reached a different tent, where people were folding and taking care of inventory stuff. Higgs walked up to someone behind a table and mumbled something incoherent, he took a key from the man and then walked back to Sylf. "If you play nice, by the rules, one day i'll give you this key and you can use the showers freely, but for now.." he smiled "I'm gonna have to join you"  
Her eyebrows raised at that, she looked down to the key momentarily and then back up to Higgs. Is he, going to watch her shower? Surely he wouldn't.. would he?   
He started walking again and she hopped behind. The camp was bigger than she thought it would be, it has a lot of cover from trees.   
He brought her to a small building, white tiled and seemingly a bit out of style with the rest of the camp. Untill Higgs turned the lock with the key and they got inside. Yep, this looked a bit more grungey than she expected, not dirty just.. What you'd expect a terrorist camp's shower building to look like. There were seperate parts to the building, the showers, the main lockers, in the back there was a big bath that could fit 10 people.   
But they we're going for the showers and as they took a turn into it's area, Sylf emitted a sigh of relief. Thank god there were walls in between each shower. And behind them was a long bench, and hooks on the wall to hang clothing or bags on. She walked over and set the rugsack down, then turning her head to Higgs in question. Who was about 5 feet away from her, he was seated on the bench and started taking his boots off.

Ooohh.. He was going to shower too.  
She rolled her bottom lip into her mouth and sat down to do the same. Undoing the laces on her boots.  
This is fine.. This is okay. She's seen Eden's crown jewels once or twice, again.. Not voluntarily. Or people naked in magazines.. So she has a rough idea of what the thing looks like. She did her very best to keep her eyes to herself however and only ever so slightly could peek in the corner of her eye. Seeing he already put the BB aside along with his gear. She took a deep breath, realizing she was 'peeking' through the corner of her eye a bit too much, she was staring and had her hands glued to the hem of her top coat for a while now.  
"Don' worry i'm not going to share a shower with you" he stood up and removed the long sleeved shirt he wore under everything else. And there it was, the man chest exposed. The moment he reached for his pant's zipper is when she finally looked away and awkwardly removed her coat. Then her pants, socks and the only thing left was her underwear.   
She was so fixated on her own body she didn't even notice Higgs had undressed and walked into the shower, snapping to reality when she heard the sounds of water hitting the floor. She was a bit relieved, she didn't have to flash him the twins. Now that he was already in his own respective space, she finally got rid of her tanktop and shorts.  
Wanting to walk in when she realized she forgot the soap. Walked back to her coat and retrieved it. Also opening the rugsack to see it's contents, towel, black turtleneck, sport leggings.. Underwear.   
She took the towel and walked into the shower, putting the towel over the wall and turned the handles, waiting for the water to get warm and then got under the stream.   
It was like an instant relieve, the moment the water hit her head and soaked her hair, all of her muscles relaxed. Putting the soap on a little metal shelf on the corner of the shower cubicle. And put her hands against the wall, letting the water hit her back and completely submerging her in warm water.  
Honestly she loved for just, to sit down for a while, but she wasn't sure how long Higgs intended for them to hog the showers, surely he wasn't planning on idling. And with a small pout she picked up the soap again and started washing her body.  
There were some small bottles, probably left by other soldiers... Well, terrorists, when using the shower. As she washed up she crouched down to the shower floor and inspected them, Fortunately for her, there was shampoo. She didn't care who she'd cross with this, she wanted to wash her hair and she was gonna do it.

After a short while, Higg's shower head turned off, she could hear it faintly but still.. Should she peek? She was very tempted somehow, but politely kept to herself. Rinsing out the shampoo she looked outside of the cubicle, seeing only a leg or arm once or twice. But then, she was done. And.. she had to get out of the shower.   
There wasn't much room in situations like this to get selfconscious of your body, but there she was. Sighing she slowly turned the handles back down to stop the shower, walking out a slight bit to retrieve the towel that she hung over the wall. Halfly looking over her shoulder, there he was eyeing her over with his pants already on, and a towel hung over his head and shoulders.  
She was probably blushing but turned away from his gaze and wrapped the towel around her chest. Then awkwardly walking back over to the bench, she still felt his eyes on her. And as she went for the underwear he provided her with, she looked over and seeing him dry his hair. 

"that wasn't so bad right?" he smiled still, looking at the drops of water falling off of her hair. And down her arms, strangely fixated on that. "you get used to it."   
He continued his routine and so did she. When she finally put on some panties and complimentary crop top, she started drying her hair. At this point Higgs was mostly already done save for his BB.  
Seeing she was behind she hurried up a bit more, putting on the rest of the clothing he gave her and then saw the bottom of the back, it was a suit, if you looked at it from a far you could say it's a hazmat suit. But she saw the stripes clear as day, red, white and blue. 

"a Bridges suit?" 

"It'll make sense later" 

As usual he lacks information, that and he seemingly liked to torture her with unknowns. She started lacing up her boots and threw the towel over one of the hangers. Pushing aside the suit in the rugsack to make room for her old stuff, she turned back to Higgs when she was all done, who re-attatched his BB now.   
Putting the rugsack over her shoulder now, she walked with Higgs out of the showers and back outside, immediately the smell of nature surrounded her again, turning a smile on her face. Not that coconut soap isn't a nice smell..

He nodded to her to follow him again and they went back to the barracks where she dropped her stuff at her usual cot, then turned back to Higgs and crossed her arms, looking him over he cleared his throat "alright, i'll throw ya a bone. The suit, it's simple. You put it on, you go on a little travel to the Weather station and you pick somethin' up for me, seem simple enough?"

She frowned at him "why can't you do it?"

"The suit doesn't fit me"  
She sighed and put her hands to her hips now, looking down at the floor. "Right." she bit her bottom lip and looked back up "you need a scape goat?"   
He shook his head and walked up to her, getting real good up in her private space, this time she didn't back down as much as she would before. "You don' need to know it's contents, or why. You're just gonna pick it up" he gave her a more stern look and she finally broke eye contact. Looking away and back at her rugsack which had the suit.

"how do you know i'm not going to just.. Run, i don't get it"

"You won't, because i'll be right behind you." he smiled again now "you have two days, if i don't see you there in two days... I -will- find you" he said, almost like it's a secret and soft enough so no other ears could hear. He looked down to her damp hair and took a strand between his fingers "I don't want to kill you, it's not really one of my favorite things to do. But that doesn't mean i won't do anythin' else." 

She looked at the gloved hand playing with her hair and back up to Higgs, a tiny bit intimidatd but unsure if he was bluffing. What if all of this, was one huge bluff? She wanted to test the waters and grabbed his wrist, staring him down he did let go of her hair. But it was still a stupid mistake, he jerked free from her and grabbed her arm. Twisting it behind her back to a point where she yelled in pain and almost doubled over.

"don't try me, we don't know each other well enough yet." he growled at her and let her go, she fell on her knees to the floor and grabbed her shoulder, rubbing and kneading into the skin for some relief and looked up at him. Even more intimidating from down here...

"should i start thinkin' of more creative ways to punish you?" raising a brow at her, she immediately shook her head and starting getting back on her feet. If she had some pride it was pretty much gone now.. 

"Listen... I don't know how i'm supposed to make it to the weather stations in two days, i can cut some time by going through the mountains, but it's gonna be slow pathing." she sighed, not wanting to anger him again but that was the truth. It was do-able, maybe..

"That's why we're drivin' you to another camp close to a distribution center. I'm sure you've been there, south of Lake Knot."

Was he serious? That's literally where her and Eden came from, she thought back to that day, the people they saw through the binoculars. Was it them? Or.. Higgs specifically? Not random terrorists? It all seemed too coincidental. But why would they be there, go back, find a random stranger and then request for them to pick something up there? She couldn't connect the dots herself.

"was it you?.. Two days ago, at the weather station?" she asked carefully and he smiled at her, picking the rugsack up for her and shoving it into her "Just know that when you use binoculars, or sights, scopes.. Light bounces off it it, other people can see it too." he said, close enough to her she could feel his breaths on her forehead. So, it was them, him. 

"Now put the suit on, meet me outside"


	5. Slow down.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ok ngl i had such inspiration to write, it was like write/word vomit.. And it just all went by itself. So, i'm sorry if there's mistakes in this one!

Sylf was through the window from the truck she was hauled into, in the backseat while the driver and Higgs himself were up front. She hoisted herself into the white bridges suit that was given to her, even an odradek which was new to her. Everyone in the car was quiet as they drove over the highway, their truck was pretty bland. From the outside no one could really tell what kind of people were driving it. Could be any porter really. There's hardly any traffic ever, maybe once or twice someone comes by and then it's not even a vehicle, just people using the highway as a easy means to get from A to B.  
And as they slowly gained on the distribution center she originally started her journey from, she frowned. Eden must be worried sick, she never pulled through on their plan. Not like she could or had any choice, but she left like a fraud. Everything was all just.. Moving so fast. From one day to the other, she was a nobody, a sister. To working with terrorists.  
She inhaled deeply and looked back over the mountains, raising her brows as she saw the sun heavily trying to break through the clouds. She smiled as the sunlight hit her face, it was so warm and intrusive she could barely see. It's been a while since the sun was this eager to show it's face and it painted the landscape in a beautiful warm yellow and orange.  
Higgs looked at the mirror facing the backseat, watching Sylf enjoy the view with a smile on her face. There was something he found so serene about her, it has only been a little bit more than two days.

"Hmmm, the weather is great out, the entire truck smells of coconut, today is a good day isn't it?" he chuckled, Sylf meeting his eyes in the rear mirror and raising a brow at him. Was he trying to make small talk?  
She looked away for a second and then grinned to herself, she just.. Couldn't help herself from uttering the following.

"You insure all your captives smell nice?" 

He grinned at her remark, shaking his head slightly "Only the one's I keep near.." she wanted an answer, she got one.  
With banter like that she clearly learns her lesson, there is no point in making any remarks, except if she wanted to get a little rise out of him. It's all good content to him anyway.  
After a short while, they arrived at the center and they parked the truck on the side of the highway.

"If it rains, raise your hood. That's what all 'normal' people do" Higgs said while nodding to her in the rear mirror. Now shuffling around in the seat, hanging half over the side to look at her directly "you know, avoids questions and interactions." he smiled at her, she kept quiet and then he nodded for her to get out of the car.  
She bit her bottom lip and reached for the car's door handle, but not without Higgs grabbing her by the arm before she goes "Remember, don't try anythin' i wouldn't do" he winked at her, a warning. She had a feeling that if she were to even so slightly stray from her path, he would get her back in some way.  
She only nodded to him, not saying a word as she got out. Looking at the Distribution center and then back to the truck, Higgs gave her a childish wave and she frowned as they drove off. For a small moment her eyes followed which way they were headed. They didn't turn around, so the next best thing or city is South Knot City.  
She grumbled and kneaded into her shoulders, starting her walk.  
It wasn't far, she was so deep in thought the entirety of the day. What was gonna sprout from this, if she would ever see Eden again. The possibilities, the mistakes she could make. Every possible strategy, but at the same time it was all so fresh. She had only just met Higgs, and whilst she could guess what he was capable off. She also didn't really know. So for now, she decided to stick with it. Find a weak spot, a moment. Anything. And then she would run for it. But this mission, she sadly had no choice in the matter. And gaining some of his trust, is probably beneficial.

Come nightfall she reached the weather station, this night was a bit more darker than others as well. Being on one side of the mountain will also do that for you. Once she stepped into the perimeter of the station the lights turned blue and upright, chiming it's usual message "- welcome Sylf Ayae Bridges"

The latter part of it however was new for her. She knew she was given a suit, a fake ID attached to it, but hearing it was strange. She usually just heard the typical message and a welcome, but never her name, and certainly not with 'Bridges' behind it.  
She walked up the terminal and started looking for her name, as she was planned to pick up a package for her oh so favorite person. How he managed to do all this was a mystery to her. But as she scrolled through, not just her name, but Eden's name popped up.

"Eden Ayae Bridges" she read out loud.

"what"

She read the details on the terminal, apparently he was here 5 hours ago. Her heart started racing, he was literally so close by. She wasn't even gonna think about why it said Bridges after his name, it didn't matter.  
She grabbed the terminal with both hands on each side to keep herself steady, she was feeling so many things. Confused, hopeful, scared. It didn't matter -why- he was here. He was here. And he was so close. The terminal read he left however, simple drop off. She gritted her teeth, feeling her eyes sting, she shut them tightly. And as she opened them again, drops fell to the screen. Looking back onto it, she saw someone's reflection on the glass and immediately turned around.  
It was no one, or rather, not someone of any danger but another bridges member. She cleared her throat roughly and wiped at her face to diminish any tears. 

"H-hi I'm sorry, i had a long journey" she muttered and looked at the man in front of her, his hair tied back into a ponytail and another BB.. And quite the cargo on him. 

"Don't worry about it" the man said in a low grumbly voice. He stepped closer to her and she eyed him, weary. "I just need the terminal" 

"Right! Sorry" She got out of the way for him, realizing she hadn't even accepted her own order yet. She was too busy being emotional, so she patiently waited for the man to do his business before accessing the terminal again.  
And as he beeped away on it, the cargo hatch opened on the floor and from it came empty shelves. He placed some cargo from his back onto it.. And the shelves disappeared all the same.  
He now looked back at Sylf who was standing bewildered in the corner, giving her a slightly confused frown at that. She did seem extremely out of place.

"Are you okay? Are you lost?" he asked her now. But staying respectfully in his own space. She immediately shook her head "No- i.. I'm fine, i uh. I had a loss in the family, sad times"

She then forced a smile on her face, he gave her one back. A genuine one.

"This one didn't come back?"

"excuse me?"

His smile dropped when she didn't understand what he meant, clearing his throat "My condolences, some come back, some don't."  
As she didn't answer and just nodded he visibly got a bit awkward himself and looked idle. She finally got rid of her sadness, not having room for it right now and walked up to the man, extending her hand. 

"sorry, so rude I'm Sylf" smiling at him, but it died down slowly as the man didn't return the favor to shake her hand. She guessed he wasn't the touchy feely kind.

"Sam" 

"nice to meet you.." she said softly and stepped past him to use the terminal. Going back to her name and looking for the cargo in question she was supposed to recover. No longer paying attention to Sam, finding the details seeing its documents. Ofcourse she wasn't going to open the cargo and find its contents but.. She was curious to know what they said. She confirmed the pickup and as she stepped away from the terminal, the hatch opened once more. And on it was a very small briefcase.  
She picked it up and then attached it to her back, or well.. She tried. Never ever has she tried to walk around in bridges attire, nor does she know how any of it's systems work in terms of attaching cargo.. Or anything for that matter.  
Sam was standing outside near a generator that was placed by another kind porter. He saw her struggling and walked back inside the terminal's room. 

"here let me help" 

The voice spooked her a little but quickly nodded and he took the briefcase from her, attaching it to her back and then looked her over "You new?"

"I guess you can say that" she laughed now and rubbed her face. What a fucking day. "Thank you so much, Sam.."

He smiled at her "Couldn't let you go off carrying it by hand" he patted the cargo before stepping away from her "where are you headed?" he asked her and again her heart dropped. She could think of some excuses quite easily, a name.. A place though? What if he's going there too? 

Her silence made him tilt his head a little and she quickly opened her mouth "e-ehm home, it's for me" 

He chuckled a bit at her, the way she made it sound, her pause. He must think she ordered some pornographic stuff or something.

"It's not what yo- you know what whatever" she laughed again and he gave her a soft chuckle at that, looking outside and seeing the sky go darker. 

"Well Sylf, enjoy your.. Content" he said as he nodded towards the sky, she figured that was his queue. She nodded back to him "goodbye Sam" 

And then he slowly disappeared from her vision. Making her look at the sky as well, it's night. And there's timefal. And her date with Higgs was in a little less than 2 days, they would meet here. She wasn't sure if she was allowed to go anywhere further other than that in the meantime, but she wasn't going to test the water.  
Instead the checked the bunker for any room, sometimes some shelters either offered tired porters some accommodations. Or were at least not against taking in a lone porter.. Occasionally. She didn't find any information, but managed to speak to the owner of the Waystation and they agreed to give her a room to sleep in untill her.. 'pickup'  
She spend the remaining days sleeping and working out, when she wasn't doing any of those things.. She felt sick to her stomach. Much like when she was around BT's, it wasn't as bad but it surely took some night's sleep from her. Which double sucked as this bed she was given was ten times better than the shitty cot at Higg's camp.  
If only pain relievers helped, but she found nothing really did with these types of nauseating attacks, is the best way she could describe it. On the morning the 2 days have passed, she woke up in a sweat. Still trying to not let it get the best of her, she got prepared, took the complimentary shower. Got dressed, suited up and thanked the people at the weather station for their hospitality. With her briefcase still attached to her suit, she walked outside of the shelter. 

She didn't have to look far or she already saw Higgs, he was sitting against the same generator Sam was using the day she got here. Seeing the wet asphalt from the shelter, the wet grass she could tell timefall has been cruel in the time she spend underground. And started to wonder if that's why she felt so sick.  
Higgs hasn't spotted her yet, or is pretending not to, she couldn't tell but with a sigh she stepped outside of the shelter, with the hood raised like Higgs told her too and she stepped in front of him. Again, he didn't notice her. She couldnt see his face, then again he was also hunched over a bit and the hood was all the way over his nose, it was hard to see anything. But if she had to guess, he was taking a nap.  
She stood right in front of him, not getting a respond or a lovely greeting. She nudged her boot against his and his hood started moving. He glanced up at Sylf's face, giving her a lazy smile "good mornin' " he mumbled and shuffled to stretch his shoulders. 

" 'Kept you waiting huh?" she said with a half smile and he rose to his feet. 

It was pretty scary how much taller he was than her. Always looming over her like a ghost, but he was in a good mood as always and extended his hands at her "I'll be taking that" meaning the cargo, she turned around for him and let him take it off her.  
As she turned back around as he opened the briefcase and took a few letters and files out of it. She frowned but didn't dare asking what they were. He dropped the briefcase all together and folded the letters and documents into one of his pouches.

"So what now..? I'm free to go?" she looked for his eyes, and when he didn't answer to her she stepped aside to force him to look at her. "please.. I wan't to go home"

His happy demeanor changed, accepting her glance and folded his arms over his BB "You really wan't to go home so badly?" he faked a disappointed and rejected expression. "that hurts..."

"What could you possibly have to gain from me? Let me go home, i will tell no one you have my word."

"Go home to what?" he shrugged his shoulders at her "your brother moved on, in case you didn't notice he's no longer freelancin'.. He joined Bridges only some hours after you disappeared Darlin'"

She wanted to strike him, punch him, kick him. All of those things and the little training she did receive from her father, hoping that would help her. But it wouldn't, but god would she love to.

"you're lying.."

"Nope, not lying. You saw the terminal? I did.. That's gotta hurt, -i- even felt that one."

She bit her bottom lip, looking at Higgs and tears welled up in her eyes again. Maybe she was seeing things, maybe this was just her bad memory, just wanting to see things that weren't there. But Eden did seem a lot more closed off with her the last few months. Surely they were just as close just.. Like he wasn't there. 

"Why?.." she finally said, knowing full well Higgs didn't have the answer, or if he did he wouldn't even give it to her. 

"Why? Better service? Better living? Beats me, i prefer reality. 'Ya need a hug?" he smiled again now and opened his arms for her.

"I'd cut off every part of me that ever touched you" she spat out mid sobbing, which in turn Higgs gave her another fake hurt expression, hand on his heart. 

"i hope you don't have anythin' sharp, 'cuz you're stuck with me"

He walked up to her and wrapped an arm around her. Turning them both around to look upon the landscape, pointing out a truck that was driving up and then Higgs looked back at Sylf. He wanted to open his mouth and tell her to join him, but she already jerked away from him and beat him to it.  
'obediently' walking with him to the truck.


	6. Give me an Answer

This time the truck didn't drive back all the way to their camp. Instead it took them further south. It was only a small drive and soon they were in open fields. She could barely recognize it, she was only at the timefal farm once. But it seemed like they were going there.  
Sooner than later they stopped the truck near another camp, this one was much smaller, but then again it was very out in the open. And it was already getting dark again, she was right though. The Timefal farm was near, she was told many times not to take this direct route if she were to ever go there again, there's MULEs everywhere. But she guessed even those don't mess with the big man himself, Higgs.  
They got out and Higgs already turned to Sylf, finding her gaze soon enough and flashed her his usual smile "just for tonight" he said and wrapped his arm around her shoulders again. Again she wanted to jerk away. But this time she let it slip, she was also still feeling rather sick from all those sweaty nights.   
They made their way into the center of the camp, it wasn't that much different from the other camp, save for less resources, no small buildings. And mostly just trucks, like really big ones. And to her surprise, a big timefal shelter of it all in the middle, covering most of the center of the camp, surrounded by the protection of the tents and guards. There were soldiers actually sitting around the timefal shelter, chatting, having drinks and food. She was a bit amused at the idea of using a timefal shelter as a campfire almost, as it radiated more warmth than other timefal shelters did and it was glowing red on the side parts.

"ugh" she put her hand to her stomach, feeling a bit light headed, hungry.. But also having a stomach ache. Weird combination. And as she hunched over a bit Higgs paused and looked her over "did ya get hurt?" he asked, raising a brow at her. She merely shook her head. Putting the hood on her suit down to give her more fresh air.

"hm" he eyed her over and then towards the 'social campfire' .. aka the timefal shelter. He nodded towards it "go sit down, i'll get you somethin' "

She didn't object and found a spot to herself without too many others around, just all.. Strange faces and probably faces she doesn't want to interact with anyway. They did gave her a bit of a look over when they noticed the bridges attire. But she paid no mind to it. Higg's friends who were with them in the truck also went the same direction Higgs went in, probably to get food. If that is what Higgs is doing.. Honestly he gets a small point in bonding.   
She noticed no one really minded the new arrivals, so she figured this wasn't a first time thing. They've been here before.   
After a short period of time Higgs came back and gave her one of the biggest mugs she's ever seen. Taking a seat next to her with his own, she glances over it.. And then the smell hits her. Tomato soup.. And it was beaming hot.   
She was honestly never so happy to see tomato soup. Then cupped it between her hands for warmth and lowered the mug to her knees to rest her arms. Letting it cool a bit before eating.  
She turned her head to Higgs, with a more softened expression for once. He had his hood down again.... She was so torn, clearly she was with him against her will, but he had nice moments..? Maybe.   
Watching him eat his soup quietly while he stared off into the timefal campfire, it created ripples as cold air mixed with warm air. Eventually he catches her staring at him, he raised his brows in question, giving her a small smile. Not the usual, more of a lopsided cute smile. She hasn't seen it like this before.

He gulped down a mouthful of soup "what?" 

She didn't break eye contact.. And didn't exactly say anything either. But instead took a sip of the soup herself. She noticed there was some red on the corners of his mouth, a bit in his short beard. She started chuckling and shook her head, looking away.

"Never mind" she said a bit bitter, she almost didn't want to feed this moment, this tiny little moment that was nicer than most of the ones she had in the past days.   
He didn't say anything either. And both of them quietly downed their mugs.

And then he found her gaze again, in return she gave him the raised brow in question and he smirked at her "tell me, why do you walk through timefal with your skin stayin' perfect?"

The question didn't surprise her, she was more so wondering when he'd finally ask, even though he knew about it since day one. But, even she had no clue.

"I would tell you if i knew, that's the truth.. " she hesitated, wanting to tell more. But then she realized she was dealing with a terrorist. The only person she had right now. But still..

"I'll be honest, in all my years, i don't think I've seen anythin' quite like that. But, that's also a good thing to have you around, i don't know yet. But it will be." he said and softly nudged her against her side to have her look back at him again "Do you feel better now?"

"no.. Just not hungry anymore"

"hmm" he looked back at the campfire, rubbing his chin which only made the bit of stained tomato soup on the corner of his lips worse. In spite, she didn't say anything.   
She averted her gaze down to his gloved hand that went into one of his pockets, he took out a small compartment of sorts. Opening it, there were strips of all kinds of different pills. He took one out and offered it to Sylf, she shook her head right away and waved the gesture off.

"Don't bother, any painkiller i take goes right through me.." 

He was persistent tho and still held it up to her "This one will work" he smirked at her and she just eyed him for a while, unsure if she should take it. She had no idea what it was, but after tonight.. What she learned, the self destructive side of her wanted to try. So she took the pill from him, eyeing it for a moment before she gulped it down, then clearing her throat.   
Looking straight in front of her, she smirked to herself "you have tomato soup all over your mouth by the way." 

She heard some shuffling beside her and she could see Higgs in the corner of her eyes, wiping away at his face with his gloves, taking them off to check if he got it all. 

"gone?" he asks and she turns her head to see his face again, she didn't see any. Fine, she'll be honest "it's gone"

Higgs flashed her another small smirk and then got up from his seat. Saying something about talking to someone and leaves her to it. She watches him walk off and into one of the tents.   
Sighing she sat there for a while, until again feeling more lightheaded, but not the same kind of lightheaded she experienced before. More.. Hazy, just light in general. Like she was floating. She blinked furiously and got down from her seat to sit on the grass instead, have her back leaned against the seat.   
"ah yeah that's better"  
Her upset stomach finally died down too, wow what a shock. Higgs was remotely trust worthy. Although she didn't want to celebrate too soon.   
The more time went on,the more foggy everything became, the people, some clearing out now. Some joining. She heard music and looked around confused. Was she the only one hearing it? Was she that far gone?  
Luckily some people started dancing and she sighed in relief, so there was music and she wasn't going nuts. Just some instrumental music, honestly it was nice, all things considered.  
At some point she decided sitting down wasn't enough, and she slid down further until she was laying flat on her back. Head up towards the sky, everything was moving... The clouds that were there were, forming weird shapes and she started laughing to herself. Laying there sprawled out starfish style.

"he fucking drugged me"

She couldn't stop laughing though, that's just her luck right? Then again she also really wasn't surprised, she gambled and she lost. But with how relaxed she was feeling, she wasn't mad at it. She literally felt weightless.

"enjoyin' yourself?" 

Sylf turned her head to the side and saw Higgs again, he crouched next to her "i see you're feeling better." he noted the big smile on her face. And she slowly sat up, but as she did her world was spinning and he grabbed her by the shoulders to keep her upright. Sparking more giggles from her. Yeah she was far gone.

"If i knew you were this lightweight i wouldn't given ya this much" he laughed and leaned in to wrap one of her arms around his neck. Holding her back and sliding his other arm under her legs to lift her off the ground.  
It's all pretty foggy from here, but she looks at him through half lidded eyes. She does realize she's lifted off the ground now and starts struggling in his arms.

"Calm down i'm takin' ya to bed" and once he said the magic words, she stopped fussing.   
He carried her to one of the barrack tents, much smaller than the previous one. It had more comfortable, but smaller beds. Still pretty make-shift at the end, but at least it wasn't cots. Again..

\-----

The next late morning was spend getting ready to drive back all the way to base camp. Sylf was still pretty drugged up and went through the motions as a complete zombie, when they were finally ready to go and started driving, she even managed to get more hours of sleep during the drive. She was so tired and far gone she didn't even notice Higgs wasn't driving with them.   
Then again, she has seen him do his little magic tricks before, cheeky teleports whenever it was convenient. So him joining in on the car rides was probably to keep an eye on her.

Higgs was gone for a decent 2 days, doing god knows what. Some guards were put to the task of keeping an eye on her this time, not that she was going anywhere. Even when he she wanted to she simply didn't feel up for the task, because as luck has it, it was timefal non-stop. Keeping her in bed feeling nauseated.  
When she was up however, was in the wee hours of the night, when the air was the coolest and felt like she could actually breathe, also because so many people would be asleep. No one to bother her. At first some guards were slightly alarmed untill they realized she wasn't going anywhere, she just wanted to be alone for a bit.   
That and enjoy the little special thing she had in life, being able to stand in timefal rain untouched. Where no one else could.. And no one would bother her even further.

Another morning passed and she was up early for once, feeling better when timefal stopped and started asking around camp if she could be put to use of, anything really. It didn't really work out, no one really felt like dealing with anything related to Higgs without his consent she came to realize.  
Annoyed, she walked back into the barracks to find it empty. Seeing some cigarettes sticking out of someones coat on a hanger, she walked up to it and 'borrowed' one. Going back outside and behind a tree to have a smoke, something she never tried before and figured, well now the time's as good as any. She just had to make sure not to make too much smoke, unsure how that's even possible. But as soon as she went to light it, Higgs teleported from nothing in front of her, dimming the cigarette she only just brought to her lips with his thumb and index finger.

"Smoking's bad for you" he winked to her and she gave him an annoyed huff, slightly startled as always by his sudden entry. 

"I'm sorry dad?" she raised a brow to him and he still only smiled, not responding to her but fishing something out of his pocket.  
From his fingers dangled a silver necklace with a small round hanger on it. It peaked her curiosity and she threw the cigarette on the ground, deciding to start the situation with some humor rather than downright declining it.

"Bit soon for this?" she said, watching him un-glove his hands and fiddle with the necklace's small lock in the back until it came loose. He didn't respond to her which annoyed her even more and he motioned her to turn around.   
She figured she had no real saying in this so she once more, obediently turned around and moved her hair over her shoulder. Letting him put on the necklace, lightly shivering as fingers moved idle over her skin.  
She figured he was already done, but he lingered.. Making her turn around and he pulled his hands back.

"It's so i can easily find you" he said proudly and then turned away from her. He went back into camp and left Sylf to it, she looked down to the little hanger on the necklace, feeling it between her fingers, it honestly wasn't ugly. Quite cute looking regardless of it's purpose. All things considered it's better than downright chipping her.


	7. Waiting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hehe : )

Some more days pass and for once more, she's starting to feel home somewhere. Higgs even entrusted her with the key to the showers, what an achievement. It wasn't much but it was something, all this time he still keeps her around for some odd reason. But, she hadn't forgotten of her plan, find a weak spot or a moment. But she found herself more distracted than anything that she hasn't really thought about it either.. It was there, in the back of her mind, waiting. For red flags to appear and put it in motion.

Higgs also suggested she should do some training, she did do some working out every once in a while anyway, she hated sitting still and even more now than ever. She's not been on any trips and just been cell bound to this camp. Coming to learn that even when you love the view, or nature, getting used to it makes it quite boring.   
It wasn't unusual for Higgs to go in and out, again doing whatever he's doing. She stopped asking him, she did try at first.   
Most of her mornings here have been okay in the mean time, she's been reacting far better to the weather conditions to a point where she feels she's getting used to it, like a bad allergy, overcoming it.. And then there was this morning..

Waking up in a feverish state, she blinked several times before finally coming to her senses completely, remembering where she was. Even though she has waken up many times before in this hellish place.  
This time was slightly different, the room was hazy, blurry and almost like it became summer overnight, the air was thick but outside it rained. Moving her head around she realized it was just her, her skin was hot to the touch, muscles aching.   
Maybe she wasn't used to it after all.  
Trying to focus and calm herself down. Her paranoia does not really let her though, and to add insult to injury everyone's favorite person entered the barracks.  
Inhaling deeply and waiting for a dramatic entrance, or whatever else he would say. It was just silent however, aside from his military issued boots. She's frozen and turns her gaze to the ceiling of the big beige tent protecting them from the timefall outside. 

She was used to see Higgs without his gear, his BB. However he mostly still wore his cloak, but not today. She almost thought Higgs finally decided it was time for a day off. He walked up to her small cot and crouched down, having his usual cheeky smile on his face.

"You don't look so hot 'lil Wallaby" his smile widened and scanned his eyes over her. She was in shorts and a cropped t shirt. It was just the start of fall so the nights weren't as cold as they could be. Yet...  
It didn't bother her as much as it used to, wearing this little around her.. Well forced upon colleague. Not that she had anywhere else to go..  
She licked her dry lips and finally opened up to speak "I think i'm getting sick again" her voice hoarse from sleep. Higgs didn't say anything at first and cleared his throat, he still had one of those shit-eating grins on his face "What?" she nodded towards him, frowning at his undying expression. He opened his mouth to say something but stopped as someone walked through the barracks, which just peaked her interest even more.

When the other soldier left, Higgs got up and walked to the nearest table close to the exit of the tent. Frustrated with his silence Sylf sighed and gave up, not only was he a frustrating person to be around in general. She simply didn't have the power for it, and yet another wave of fever like warmth flooded over her. Her muscles tensing up again, hairs on end. Inhaling deeply she started to connect the dots.  
For far longer has she felt... Off. Could it be DOOMS? She knew there was a high chance she had it too, maybe it was just now developing... It seemed dormant for most of her life, and only since a little has she been feeling different, especially... When it rained.  
But now she could only describe it as what felt like, very absurd growing pains. Not just physically, mentally. It was exhausting.  
She had almost forgotten about Higgs and jumped back out of her train of thought, seeing him standing next to her cot with a glass of water. Honestly, Higgs was overal very nice to her. When she complies...

"thanks" she said so low you almost couldn't hear it, reaching for the glass with her hand, she's shaking violently, and only now is Higgs frowning at her, which worries her even more.

"say something" she spoke softly again and he just shook his head, helping her sit up so she can drink. She takes a few small sips of the water and groans "I don't know if i need to vomit, or want to eat a 3 cours meal.... I'm on fire, but i'm cold"

"Yeah, been there" he nodded with his usual smile again, finally. He put the glass down next to her cot and started to unglove his hand. Putting his palm over her forehead as she laid back down and shrugged his shoulders "i was the exact same way once, overexposure to BT's and timefal with do that 'ya" he retracted his hand now and she frowned, licking her lips again before speaking.

"DOOMS?"

"DOOMS."

She rolled her head back, staring at the ceiling "so what, i mean, what now?" another wave of aches washing over her, her muscles tensing, contracting almost. She couldn't tell if the discomfort became worse, or just evolved into something else, her lower stomach started knotting up, making her squirm on her side and pull her legs up.

"You'll get used to it, you won't always feel this way, just enjoy the ride" He didn't seem very sympathetic for her situation. Nothing new. She groaned and as the 'wave' died down.. The shakes started again. Going down her legs and making them feel so utterly weak. "what now????" she asked again, her breathing hitched and he started laughing. Leaning his hand on the cot to steady himself as he's still crouched one feet away from her.

"it's not funny" she finally said once his laughing stilled, same with the wave of discomfort.

"it's really funny you'll see, it isn't always bad, there's good parts to it.." his grin grew once more, she hated him so much sometimes. But she couldn't deny it always somewhat helped her calm down, at the end of the day she did feel safe around him, even when she got here involuntarily.. Technically. "Let me tell ya what'll happen" he said with a soft chuckle, pausing as another soldier walked through to grab some of their belongings, nodding to both Sylf and Higgs as they leave, Higgs continued-

"I'm sure you've been through puberty once right?" smiling at her still "might be less or worse but basically see it as second puberty, it'll be shitty for a while. You'll cry and such, shit gets emotional. You may wanna punch me a bit more than usual"   
She started frowning, god did she want to punch him, yes it did help a little. Puberty, innocent as it is she'll agree one time in her life is more than enough. She also knows, Higgs is probably not giving her the full run down. His face tells her he's hiding something, not that it matters, wave number 3 is coming in, and it's coming in strong.

"Iiiii'm sorry but... PUBERTY DIDN'T QUITE GO LIKE THIS" she gritted her teeth and tried to focus on her breathing. Trying to ignore Higgs whose still very amused at her pain, almost enjoying it. With the bit of strength she has she balls her shaky hands into a fist, throwing a nice jab at Higg's upper arm, making him jolt back a little.

" 'wooo now. That's not very nice" he rubbed the spot where she hit him, and then grabbed her wrist. She didn't mind, she took this small victory and gave him a painful grin. 

"I wanted to help you but, not if you keep punching me, i like to keep things civil in this partnership and i could just let you writhe away here" he spoke softly now, moving closer to her. She wasn't sure why he was tormenting her like this, but at the same time it was nice to have someone near when feeling like this... Until it turned and her legs jolted up, back on her back now she wrapped her arms around her stomach, well, one arm. The other one was still held hostage by Higgs.   
He slowly let her go however, let her grab at her waist. Listening to her heavy breaths, his exposure softened. It seemed he finally was done teasing her. He leaned in closer and leaned his elbows on the edge of her cot. His smile a bit more genuine now, still a tint of mischief behind it, but far less than she is used to him. She finally met his gaze, looking at him all puzzled, honestly she felt a bit cornered. It was a mixture of strange feelings and she wasn't sure why he was so amendment on staying with her. Whether she wanted to or not.  
"better?" he raised a brow at her. She nodded at him in response as the wave subsided. There was still that lingering feeling through, her skin started to tingle. The discomfort shifting into what was a mix of bittersweet sensations. Where she had pain first, it felt odd to place what kind of sensation this was. The only thing she could describe it to was, hunger. Feeling so high strung and on edge, almost like anxiety.  
Their eyes met again and he parted his lips, showing off his sparkly whites and looked back down to her now less shaky body, but slightly shaking nonetheless. Catching how her thighs are tensed shut against one another. Then back up to her, again he seemed amused. But then his brows arched, eyes widened a little, like he just had the best idea in the world, or an epiphany. 

"oooohhh. Aw that's actually really cute" he laughed at her. She was so, so confused. "No wonder you're so angry with me all the time, you gotta listen to your body more Wallaby" he flashed her another grin.  
One of his hands reaching over her blankets to pull them up higher. The sudden touch made her jump as her skin met his rubber from his glove. He paid attention to her skin as the hairs once more stood upright in response "d-don't" she said, shaking her head a little. She was burning up and the mere thought of blankets over her made her cringe.   
Even when he knew why she objected, he still brought the blankets to her midriff and stopped, again his glove met her hands and she instinctively pulled back.

"You're stil really scared of me aren't you.." 

She didn't say anything and just stayed frozen in place, that was what she did in these types of situations. Freeze or fight. But right now, she was trapped. Overcome with what Higgs amusingly described as second puberty, weak from bad sleep and probably some minor dehydration.

"No. You make me uncomfortable." she finally admitted. Not really knowing why she said anything in return in the first place. But there is a part of her that always wants to bark back. Which he actually quite liked about her, which again. Just annoyed her, there's nothing she can do to turn his mood sour.

"That makes me sad, here i'm thinkin' i'm an easy goin' individual"

The warm sensations down her belly once more just clutched her legs together, hairs raising. She started to pant softly and looked down, sort of covering her chest with the blanket a bit, hoping Higgs didn't get a peak of her nipples that were aggresivally trying to poke through her sleeping shirt. But as perspective as he is, he probably did.  
The motion didn't went unnoticed by him and he sighed. He pulled up the only gloved hand and finally pulled the fabric off. Revealing his hand by holding it up to her, his brows raised in question, and so were hers. Unsure why he was showing her hand to her, but it made more sense once he moved it under the blankets and his gaze turned outside. "keep your legs up alright?"  
She raised her brows even higher, what was he doing?   
His cool hand met the skin on her belly and she squeaked out. Not out of discomfort, but it was so sudden and he immediately shushed her. She tried to bite down a small chuckle, even she wasn't sure why it amused her. Him touching her should alarm her more, but she's strangely curious.

"why?" she whispers to him, feeling him move his hand down and her eyes grow bigger, but he merely puts his finger to his lips in another motion to just have her stay silent.   
His hand stills and again he moves closer to her, his face close enough to hers she could nearly smell him, that and the soft breaths on her skin. "I have to say i'm a little surprised" his voice was low and his eyes were locked on hers "I just thought you were prude, not a virgin." it started to dawn on her a little now and met his gaze "Not even by yourself?.. Damn" 

Where was he pulling all of this from, how can he know all this from knowing so little about her? it's been only a few weeks.   
Her lips parted again wanting to speak up when his hand ghosted lower, but he shook his head at her, grining "I'm teasin' ya, relax" his hand didn't retaliate though. He also wasn't very subtle about it either when he fingered the edges of her shorts, again scanning the exit of the barracks again, then back to her. He started pulling off her shorts, down to her thighs and to her ankles, all hidden by the blanket. It's afternoon and everyone is out doing their usual business, or moving packages around. However it wasn't deserted, there were still enough people outside, either keeping guard or moving things around from lockers. 

"You gonna be quiet?" He said stern, the amusement from his voice was gone. The tone changed but his face was still the same as always, amused, happy go lucky. Not a worry in the sky. Honestly she was surprised she didn't stop him and slap him across the face, she guessed this is what obedience is like. She just couldn't decide if it was willingly, or if she was just another unlucky victim to stockholm syndrom.  
But slowly she nodded, and once she accepted that, a rush of freedom floaded over her. She closed her eyes and prematuraly put her hands to her mouth, knowing she'll make a sound, or even not. Just not wanting to take the gamble. "I have to say i thought it would be harder, you can be so stubborn little missy.." again she just nodded. She was just utterly defeated, giving into these feelings she'd been ignoring most of her life. It wasn't that she didn't want to, it was simply how she was raised. How disconnected she was from the world with her brother for most of her life. Always working..

He didn't object though and not beating around the bush, he slid his hand down and fingers making their way between her lower thighs, she gripped even harder, nearly tugging at his hand and he was a bit surprised at her strength. "relax"  
She groaned, annoyed "You fucking relax" and her hips bucked up to respond, this time creating a small surprised gasp from her, but good thing she covered her mouth prior. Her body was going through the motions, whether if she wanted to or not.  
His hand traveled further until he could cup the inside of her thigh, feeling her muscles struggling so hard he softly kneaded into her skin. She still wouldn't relax, but she would eventually.  
He quickly abandons the idea of some stroking kind of foreplay however and seemingly easy found his way to the source of the problem. The sudden touch of calloused fingers near her folds made her open her eyes, only to see him staring back at her. Now though, she was a bit embarrassed, where he in return only smiled "if only you're always this cute with me" somehow that comment sparked something in her, she rolled her hips upward and biting down on her lip to silence herself again. Feeling the fingers slip in between her heat with such ease, its such a foreign but welcomed feeling, and the pooling sensation in her tummy is urging him on to continue. Still she wanted to punch him, as always, but fought the urge by lowering her hands to the sheets, and taking a nice fistful of them. "Some nights are bad, some are better, aaand.. some are just, doownright frustratin' "   
She figured she's had the bad kind by now.. The frustrating.. So is this is the better part of it?   
He starts to move his fingers, he's not making any contact with her most sensitive spot, yet. Instinctively she tries to roll her hips so his hand touches that exact spot, but he avoids it all together, instead his curious fingers are roaming flat over her mound, making small strokes and occasionally further down. She groans a bit in protest, he answers by covering her mouth with his free hand now "fine" he says and looks at her again, making her jump by flicking a finger over her little nub and seeing what kind of respond she'd make, as he thought her legs make a small jolt upwards. His finger doesn't stray far, only re-positions a bit as he flattens his hand and fingers over her folds. Slipping between and coating the soft skin with her own juices. 

"In the end it's all worth it though, you get these cool super powers, neat huh?" it amazed her how carelessly he found the situation, resisting the urge the bite his hand, besides he might be into that anyway. Her face turns bright red as she starts to really let go of the last barriers she set up before Higgs. Although the moment altogether could be perceived as really odd, that and her having to keep quiet to not alert any soldiers. Which again, just added to the amusement for Higgs. "Though i have to admit, i'm a little jealous, these moods were rather fun" more carefree, casual words, all the while his fingers play with her.  
Soft moans escape under Higg's palm that isn't occupied between her legs, his gaze on her drops for a second and he grins to himself, she's a complete mess under his touch. And although it's not entirely his doing, he does take some pride in it. Where his fingers were agonizingly slow at first, they now dip further between her folds. Where he only teased her at first by flicking, he starts to make small lazy circles around her sweet spot. Her back arches in response. Those waves she was feeling before, they're back, but these weren't painful. The kind of muscle ache that came from those, this was so different. This kind of pain, she could get used to.  
It's also been a while since she checked if Higgs was still wearing his shit-eating grin, but she honestly didn't really care at this point anymore. Her insides were screaming for release. And as she started to reach it she started to jerk away from his hand. Which in respond Higgs released the palm on her mouth and held her still on the bed "no no no don't do that, it'll be awesome you'll see"   
She starting moaning audibly now, and honestly Higgs let it go. If anyone felt like coming in at this point he'd leave to have her explain it by herself. Besides that would be rather funny he thought. He moved closer to her, leaning into her ear, the tip of his nose touched her earlobe and she shivered. His fingers sped up, to a pace that made her rock her hips, almost like electric shocks, she bit down more moans. "let go" he whispered, and his fingers almost dipped low enough to her entrance, but he wasn't going to amuse that thought right now. Instead he flattened his hand on her spread folds, his fingers coated. She wants to jerk away again when the electric shocks go through her abdomen, she cant, he's holding her pinned in place as he 'tortures' her some more by speeding up. As the moans filled the tent, he would almost admit to himself he's slowly losing his composure. But he manages.. Even when her sounds are tempting to do more than just, this..

"s-stop please" she mutters but no respond, nor any retaliation. She doesn't know it, but he does and he just wants to pull it out of her already. A high pitched moan escapes her throat and her thighs clasp together again, and as she feels the point of no return unfold, she pulls the blankets over her head, embarrassed and biting down on them as her butt raises off the cot's bedding.. 

He chuckles, tempted to see her face as she lets go, but altogether it's quite adorable, so for once. He lets her. And when she finally comes undone a last moan echos through the barracks, surely someone must've heard it by now. And Higgs peaks up in between, seeing a soldier move away from the exit, probably not even bothering to pretend they didn't hear. And clear out instead.  
Sylf moans some incoherent words which Higgs decides are probably cusses. He pulls his hand back from her, his palm red from being squished in between her thighs. Being the ass he is, he pulls the blankets down from her face to see her head rolled back into the pillow and breathing out heavily, her body is still shaking. Now he takes notice of his hand which is coated with her mess and chuckles, bringing it up to his mouth he puts his index finger into his mouth for a taste. "cute" Right at the time Sylf decided to open her eyes "Jesus" she shakes her head in protest and rolls on her side. Higgs simply grins again and wipes the hand on her sheets "you need to eat more fruit" he then stood up from beside her cot, feeling full of himself as always. 

"yikes" she whispers and slowly raises her legs up, feeling the dulling sensation between her legs, pulsating like a beating heart... The annoying itch is gone now though and she hoisted her shorts back up.

"you need to eat more in general, you burn more than you fuel up on. Certainty now" he gives her a small wink when he picks up his gloves to put them on again.. Did he really just, do all that, only to disregard it happened altogether? It didn't make sense to her, surely she knew it wasn't like that. But his nonchalant behavior always bugged her. And even more so now, it just seemed so casual. But to her this was all new territory, it simply baffled her.

"this is DOOMS?"

Higgs started laughing loudly, he had such a nice smile honestly, and a nice laugh that just sounded so happy, except whenever he did it was probably because she's saying dumb things, almost not making her wanna ask or say anything to begin with.

"no" still laughing, he cleared his throat and went back for the glass of water, he figured she felt much better now anyway and walked back over to her "No, but?" she insisted as she took the glass from him, sipping away eagerly once she put it to her lips. It did feel like a huge weight was lifted from her.

"It's just hormones darlin'. They're not entirely connected, it just swings your mood around more than anythin'. So, the puberty thing? Isn't entirely untrue. You don't just wake up one day, being able to see BT's. It takes time" and with that he took the now empty glass from her.

"get dressed and go eat something, that's an order"


	8. Poznan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey all first off i'm sorry for the delay in this chapter, i've been kinda busy here and there. And wa also working on which direction to go for now.
> 
> Also i wanted to ask if anyone ever feels like having warnings before each chapter? i'm not sure if ive asked this before, but if anyone wants me to do so. I will gladly add warnings.
> 
> Anyway- lots of talkie talkie in this chapter..

Sylf had seated herself at the eating quarters, staring down at her breakfast as Higgs took a seat next to her, she turned her head to him and he gave her his typical smile again. Then she turned to the bread on her plate and started smearing butter all over it before putting some cheese on it. She can't remember the last time she had a boring cheese sandwich.

"you recon i can shower after we're done eating?" glancing back to Higgs all the while munching down her bread, he gave her a look for it and waited for her to be done chewing.

"I recon ya can"

"good i'd like to... un-icky myself.." she tested the waters to see what his response would be. Whether or not she realized it, he was starting to grow on her a little.  
It took him a small moment to realize what she meant and looked away with a smirk, nodding and starting on his own food now.  
She wasn't sure what she was expecting, but it was -a- response at best.

"you gonna join me again?"

At that he glanced at her really quick from the corner of his eye, he stopped chewing on his croissant and gulped down. Wondering if he's catching on that she's playing with him a little.

"i will join ya into the building, yes" he wiped some crumbs from his chin and continued eating. Looking off somewhere in the distance.  
Internally she sighed, where she had him where she wanted him to maybe once or twice. It was always a coin toss, but even after everything. She still couldn't properly form any assumption on this guy. What his plans were, what he was thinking.  
All she wanted to know what his game was.

And if she her ego let her admit it, if he was even the slightest interested in her. That being in any other way than just professional reasons, an ally.. Someone he can use. All she could assume was the one thing, that she was here because she was forced to. Was she still though?  
When she thought back about the weather station, what she learned there, she wasn't sure if she even had a choice but.. Didn't she technically make one?

"what's that frown ya're trying to do math?" he caught her from her thoughts and when she looked down she noticed his tray was empty. "just.. I don't remember actually"

He huffed at that, not entirely believing her but at the same time he didn't care enough to press the question further. He slowly rose to his feet from the table and put his hand to her shoulder, making her turn her head.

"I'm heading over to the showers, i'll leave the door open" 

And with that, he left her to it. And she figured she'd actually eat her food for once. He probably wouldn't know but at the same time she didn't wanna risk a scolding for eating badly.. Again.  
When she was done she politely returned the tray to where it came from and went for the barracks, her belongings more specifically. Retrieving her backpack and heading for the showers.  
As Higgs said, the door was open, albeit a little. She peeked through the door and headed further inside after closing it. She heard the showers running, they weren't alone. And she figured Higgs was already in the shower too.  
This time more people were washing and getting changed, putting her on edge a little, so she went for the shower she used the last time. Where it was strangely less noisy, just one shower occupied. The same one Higgs used last time.  
And there he was, as she walked by she got a glimpse of the man's back, going down more.. Rather not stopping on the man's ass, surely she stopped for a second but only then she realized she was staring. Stopping at his legs.  
She noticed some more scribbles across his body and she wondered if he carved them in himself, would he really be that crazy?  
Yes probably?  
She shrugged and went past his shower to her usual favorite one. Doing the same ritual as before, setting her backpack down, stripping down and grabbing a towel. She stepped into the shower and turned the water on, waiting for it to get warmer before standing under the stream.  
A sigh of relief came out of her when the water hit her head, again nothing better than taking a shower.. And cleaning up. Which she almost forgot, the mess she had made prior. And made a mental note to wash her underwear later.  
She didn't wash her hair today, paying more attention to the matters at hand. Boldly trying to take the shower head off its handle and position it to where the sun doesn't shine. When the water hit her crotch roughly she emitted a high pitched yelp, followed by a laugh and immediately moved the shower head away again.

"ya alright there?" 

She heard Higg's voice echo through the shower and she snorted a small 'yes'  
He didn't ask any further and she continued washing up. Hearing Higgs was done with his ritual and heading back over to the benches where their stuff was. Again just out of instinct, she wanted to be polite and she turned her back to the bathroom tiles, away from him. Also because he'd get another eyeful of her and.. Even though she wasn't exactly keeping score of anything,he didn't really deserve that anyway.  
As she heard some rustling or what seemed to be a belt buckling she sighed against the tiles.

"would you mind if i stay here for a while..?" she asked carefully, turning her head a bit over her shoulder. She can see Higgs heard her as he looks her way.

"you'd rather take a bath instead?"

"THERE IS ONE?" 

He then realized he actually never showed her the bath and he chuckled, shaking his head in amusement, mostly just at her sudden excitement at the mention of a bath.

"Ye there is.. But what else would you linger 'round here for?" he now started putting on his boots now that he was done with his pants. Lacing them up.

"No i just.. I wanna sit down for a while. Think-" she realized how corny it sounded and she sighed, looking away from Higgs, following the lines in tiles in front of her with her fingers. 

"then, do that" he simply said and ceased his movements, eyeing her and she looked over her shoulder again.

Stupid attractive terrorist man.  
She mentally shrugged her shoulders, turning around and slowly sitting down against the tiled wall, now facing Higgs. Pulling her legs up to lean her arms over her knees, he raised a brow at her.

"what? You never done anything like this before?" she said with a frown.

"Can't say i have.."

"It's pretty relaxing"

"Ye it's pretty relaxing watching you relax" he put his elbows on his knees as he hunched over in his seat a little. What was she supposed to say to that? That and he was just watching her..

"well it WAS relaxing, i wasn't aware you'd stay here.."

He laughed "I thought we were pas' that by now" he shrugged a shoulder at her and got up, getting back to getting dressed and pulled a t-shirt on. Finishing up with the rest.  
She just sat there for a while, now that he wasn't too focused on her it was a bit better at least.

"question" she poke up again,

"shoot" 

"can i get a razor?"

At that he turned around and raised a brow at her, seemingly giving it some thought, his mouth opened but no sound came out, closing it again. She already knew where it was going.

"how do i know ya're not gonna use the razor to harm innocent people? Or yourself?"

"please i just wanna shave, you can just.. creepily monitor as always.. Just, don't stare at me shaving please.." 

She mumbled the last part and he had to chuckle again, closing his rug sack. "sure" he finally gave in and walked away from the bench. She followed him untill he went out of view, deciding to stand up finally and finish her routine.  
He comes back after a short while and knocks on the sidewall of the shower cubicle, she turned slightly over to the source of the noise, seeing Higgs standing with a razor in his hand.

"the razor stays in the showers" he warned her with a little smirk, she took it from him and glanced it over, typical man's shaving razor but it will do.

"Fine, now.. Please?"

When he realized she was gonna shave now he upped and walked away from the shower. Nodding and leaving the rug sack on the bench, he walked for the exit of the showers, yelling after her that he'd be waiting outside while she did her shaving business.  
\---  
When done and clothed in her usual get-up, she went for the exit and caught Higgs outside the door. He turned to her and signaled her to stop.  
Walking up to her she pulled a funny face, especially when he got all up in her business and started touching her sides.

"you're frisking me?"

"just double checking" he said while checking her body, being rather lazy about it actually. If she really wanted to take the razors with her she was sure she could've gotten away with it somehow. He seemed to overly confident she wouldn't try to stab him in his sleep.... Possible weakness? 

When he was done he stood back up straight, towering over her once more and gave her a smile "good girl" he tapped her shoulder, again the comment just turned her stomach around. Not uncomfortably, or maybe? It just made a jump and she couldn't place why.  
She eyed him over and realized how unusual it was for him to be this, seemingly under dressed. Just like your usual army grunt. It almost seemed impossible in her mind for him to look normal, but this was the most normal it would get.  
He caught her staring at him once she had settled on his arms, bare now and she awkwardly looked away.

"I have a proposal for you" he finally broke the awkward silence and she nodded, crossing her arms.  
"It's with someone ya've met before.. I want you to give them a package"

She raised her brows "met someone..? I've only seen one person at the weather station.. That and the people who work there"

"it's someone who works for bridges, ya only need to take it to them and they'll do the rest"

"Sam?"

"oh so ya exchanged some words? Good makes it even easier"

She went silent for a bit, standing there and eyeing him over. Something tells her that's exactly the point, someone's more likely to take cargo from someone they know. And works for the same employer.. So to speak. But she was already goddamn sure that Higgs knew of their conversation there.

"It's not a coincidence, you knew we met, you knew he was going there.. Maybe. Wouldn't surprise me. And there was no other need for me to be there than just that? Right?" 

She got cockier every day and he smirked widely at her, she wasn't as dense as he initially thought she was. Socially, maybe. She wasn't far from the truth, but it still wasn't the truth.

"maybe" he teased her.

"Maybe, why else would you need a simple briefcase with letters in it? What's in there?"

He grinned at her a bit longer before he decided it was finally over torturing her. She has been such an obedient partner that he wanted to give her this one.  
He walked up close to her, she didn't back down. She stopped doing that. He reached for the little pendant on her necklace and fiddled it between his fingers. 

"it was this.." he said and gave the necklace a light tug before letting it go. "it's your blood infused with chiral Christals" 

"my blood?" she looked at him, shocked.

"Don't worry i didn't-.. You bled a lot from your little fall off terrorist mountain" when her face finally settled into a more neutral expression he carried explaining "it might help ya with BT's.. That or an odradek, and.. That way i can keep an eye on ya" 

He winked at her now and she sighed. She still found it hard to believe that's the only reason why, but, the reasoning behind the necklace was sound. And decided to believe him on that one.

"is that my reward for my continued good behavior? Some hindsight information and then you put me back to work?"

"oh, you're in the market for better rewards now?" again teasing her, he mimicked her stance and crossed his arms as well "humor me"

She licked at her bottom lip and shook her head. She could ask him all sorts of stuff, maybe? Something as dumb as chocolate, but would it help her in any way, not really. She just wanted to know more. So.. She tested the waters.

"okay..." she started, unsure, but went for it anyway "I'm here because you need me right? For selfish reasons.. So, you don't get caught in the possible crossfire i might get into? What is it..? Possibly my company?" she half snorted at the last part, that can't be it.

He didn't say anything at first and just smiled at her, wrapping his arm around her shoulder now "why can't it just be a multi-tude of things? Ya never heard of the sayin', enjoy the road not the destination?.. What was it" he rubbed his chin and before Sylf could even open her mouth. A small nagging feeling ate her stomach, before even connecting the dots, she felt a drop or two fall to her forehead. And as Higgs pulled away she heard a small hiss of the timefall making contact on Higg's bare arms. Not much but enough for him to move to the little overhead roof on the showers building. Shelter from the rain.  
She stood there with a little smirk and glanced back over to him, amused she was unphased by the timefall and he had to retreat. It also dawned to her that she could take real advantage of that... On a day like this, sneak out a razor. He's not properly dressed, just.. Run off right?  
Maybe.

"okay, if you say so." she finally said and took a deep breath, closing her eyes and leaning her head back a little. Even when she just showered, the timefall rain wasn't unwelcome by her. And turned a little smile on her face.  
Higgs was forced to watch her from his position, he could get his cloak inside, the remaining stuff so the timefall wouldn't get to him. But there was something serene in the air and he wasn't quite ready to walk away yet. That and he wanted to lay out his plan.

"in a week from now.. Probably, maybe more or less. Sam will go back to the distribution center, the good ole one" he paused, seeing Sylf open her eyes and look back over to him. Paying attention but clearly not giving him much more than that "you'll give him the package. You'll do anythin' to insure he takes it, i don't care what kind of excuse you muster. Whatever it is make it better than the little ones you've given me, they're terrible. Deliver it along with him if ya must."

She just nodded slowly, it was her fate. And again more time for her to figure out what she was going to do, a lot can happen in a week's time. She didn't even bother to amuse or nag at him for saying her lies were terrible. They were.. And he would just wind her up to his pleasure again. 

The timefall was only so little and short, some poor excuse of what could be called sunlight started to shine through the trees surrounding the camp. 

"i didn't think it was gonna be that easy.." he said when stepping from under the overhead.

"anything to please you right?" she gave him a fake smile and he walked back up to her, cupping her chin between his fingers and turning her head more to him, just to face one another. "yes i'm very pleased" his thumb ghosted over her lip, smiling at her before turning away and walking towards the barracks.  
She sighed again and rubbed her arms, it was getting colder slowly. Whatever annoying agenda he had, she wasn't really getting frustrated with his business inquiries anymore. She could roughly gauge what it entailed. No one's getting hurt, her not most of all. And she's quite fond of being alive. What frustrated her more was how she couldn't wrap her head around this person, who'm constantly seeks to pull the worst out in her. She's always wondering if he wants her to retaliate, or obey.


	9. Don't be so serious.

She had followed Higgs back towards the barracks, like him she left her rug sack in the showers, it was only stuff she needed in there anyway.   
He had actually assigned a new bed to her, an actual bunk bed but it at least wasn't the shitty cot she had been sleeping in.   
While she was moving her stuff over to her new bed Sylf had been watching Higgs getting properly dressed and geared up. Occasionally down to her handy work on making the bed, like she did with her cot she put an extra thicker blanket over the mattress in attempt to it more... 'fluffy'  
Once Higgs was done with his routine he walked over to Sylf and leaned against the bunk bed, eyeing her over. Which in respond she raised a brow in question. 

"you like watching people work?" her words had a small tint of amusement behind it, she finished up the bed and then turned to the nightstand beside it.

"Not particularly... Was more wonderin' how you get anythin' done with hair that long" 

She paused and looked down at the many locks of brown hair falling down her shoulders every time she bend over to store some items. She was honestly so used to her long hair it didn't bother her anymore.

"you get used to it"

" 'suppose ya don't wanna cut it?"

She frowned a little now and stood upright, her hair.. Since it was still fairly wet from their earlier shower seemed even longer now, it easily reached her ass. But the idea of cutting it was never really on her mind. 

"suppose i don't... Why?" she asked in return and stepped in front of him once she was done with her stuff. Or well not really -her- stuff. But they were now.

"tactical reasons, like a sports bra to keep the twins in-" he said and then looked down to her chest, his lips thinned realizing she didn't do those either. "never mind" 

She chuckled at him and he joined her, which surprised her a little, it was almost a carefree wholesome moment. "twins?" she had to quote him on that. He merely shook his head and stepped away from her.

"don't" he grinned at her and momentarily glanced over to the little nightstand she put together, or rather stored her items and what not, on top of it was a brush.

"could braid your hair for ya."

She straightened her back and then crossed her arms, this guy was full of surprises. "why are you so worried about my hair-- forget it actually" she shook her head laughing "how do you know how to braid hair?"

"it's my little secret, go sit down" he grinned at her and walked over to her nightstand. She didn't say anything, she figured she didn't really have much of a choice anyway, he would just do it. So she took a seat behind the bunk beds where a crate was, sitting down and waiting, looking over her shoulder once he came back behind her.  
He had a little hair tie around one of his wrists and took the comb off her nightstand. Once he took a handful of her hair is when she straightened her back more, being nice and polite so he didn't have to bend over much, as tall as he was...  
The back of his fingers touched at her nape and she shivered, feeling him dissect her hair and she sucked on her bottom lip. Wondering.. Would he have had a sister? Mother.. Child? Nah probably not a child. She found it hard to believe a man in this setting would pick up the skill to braid hair. Even after her 23 years with Eden, she knew for sure that he could do a handful of things skillfully, braiding wasn't one of them.

She bit on her lip, but pushed the question again "so, how'd you learn braiding..?"

He was silent for a bit as he worked on her hair, probably making sure it wasn't too tight or anything. 

"honestly i have no clue, but i can make some mean knots in ropes"

The answer was so sudden she had to laugh, hunching over a little as she does and he lightly tugs her back, complaining something about how she was ruining his work. She sat there while he performed his art for a decent two minutes until he was done.

"voila!" he stepped back from her with a big smile on his face and she turned her head to him. Standing up now, she could feel a few strands tugging at her scalp. Unsure about his handy work she walked over to the first mirror she could find on a table near the exit and started examining his work. She couldn't suppress a snort when some parts of the braid were, awkwardly.. Awful, but she sorted out the tugging strands and left it to that. 

"thanks" she said sarcastically towards him, she meant well, but still in a tone where he would know he rather fucked it up. "it's a nice gesture"

"Ookaay missy." he shook his head and walked over to the bench opposite of the table, it had some contents like pouches on it, coats hanging on a rack next to it. And his BB pod, which he retrieved and plugged onto his chest. 

"Now let's go out and i'll show ya what i'm -actually- good at" he signaled for her to get herself sorted out and she turned to him in question.

"we're gonna do some exposure therapy.." he said grinning "so best to have 'yer hair out of the way."

The look of confusement on her face slowly faded as he explained and she got an idea of where this was going. Exposure to BT's maybe? It was the only real thing she struggled with the most, the timefal wasn't the best either. Depending on how aggressive the weather was, but BT's, she avoided those like the plague.

She didn't say anything and simply did what he asked, she oddly felt safer knowing he was going to be there. Normally Eden was the only person she felt safe next to, but he also would go out of his way to avoid BT's. But mostly because it was her who was the problem, but she also didn't know what Eden would do around BT's without her. She had zero experience.  
Once she got dressed in her usual get-up, when being with Eden. She walked up to Higgs and followed him outside, he had strapped a rifle to his back and they made their way through camp.   
She pocketed her hands in her coat, looking around to what other people were doing, working. Peeping into one tent almost too obviously, seeing a bunch of people working on packages, either closing them up or opening them. It really was true what they said, MULE's really have the porter syndrome. They're crazy. But these were terrorists.. Right?

She was so lost in thought while still walking she didn't realize Higgs had stopped and she bumped into his back "- sorry"   
She apologized immediately, looking at him turning around to her. Then she looked behind him, there was a reverse trike. She raised her brows and started shaking her head. Putting her hands up and protesting before anything even happened.

"oh hell no, I've never done those" 

He seemed a bit surprised by that, but then he realized she wasn't with bridges and it made more sense that freelancers didn't really have acces to vehicles much.

"it's safe and faster, try seein' the fun in it? Come on" 

He got on the trike and shifted forward so Sylf could seat behind him. She still had a look of worry on her face and she hesitated. There was also a bit of curiosity behind it, sure. But mostly fear of just catastrophically crashing into a boulder.  
She got over it though, carefully walking over and swinging her leg over the trike. But then she awkwardly fidgeted around unsure what to hold onto.   
He caught on quickly and started moving the strap on his rifle more over his shoulder, so it wouldn't poke Sylf in the face or bother her. And with that little hint alone she figured she had to hold onto him, which she hoped wasn't going to be a thing. No matter the time they spend, she was still anxious to touch him. She did however, loosely draping her arms around his waist while he started up the trike.  
She emitted a small sudden huff when he had grabbed her wrists to pull her closer, forcing her to shift closer to him on the trike with her chest against his back.

"Ya're gonna fall off if you don't." he warned her and immediately at that her hold on him tightened, squeezing around his waist "oh.. And lean with me"

She couldn't even retaliate with a question as to what that meant, as he had already pushed the little kick stand on the trike that kept it standing upward- back with his foot and started driving off.   
She immediately dipped her forehead on his shoulder, partly covered by the back of his hood which he had down. Too scared to look up for now. It made Higgs chuckle a little. He found her anxiety quite amusing at times, however.. He wouldn't tell her he was actively minding where he was driving not to spook her even further if they hit a bump rather roughly. Which was rather hard to do seeing the terrain they were in.  
Only when they drove out from the dense tree area, out in the open did she finally learn what he meant about leaning with him. The more sharper turns they took she could feel his body shifting, along into the curve of their direction. Hesitantly she leaned with him, her fingers gripping tighter into the bulletproof vest he was wearing.

Slowly but surely she lifted her head up and looked over her shoulder, they weren't going too fast but fast enough she could feel the wind brush harshly against her ears.  
Trying to make out her surroundings, he passes the incinerator, then over the familiar road her and Eden had walked towards the way stations north of mountain knot. Coming close to Craftsman but staying more on the left, it dawned on her where they were actually going, the crater.

They had parked the trike nearby, immediately the timefal set in as they got closer to the crater. On their right hand side they could still vaguely see Craftsman. Higgs had put his hood over his head and turned to Sylf, holding out his hand. Unlike him not cowering from the rain, she wasn't sure if he really wanted her to take his hand or if he just signaled her to follow again.   
Either way she walked over to Higgs and shoved his hand away, not hard but she didn't need it "Don't worry about me" she was quick to say. But the moment the words had left her mouth, her stomach started to turn a little.. 

"Welcome to Middle knot city ruins, 'ya okay?" he asked her, seemingly genuinely interested in her well being as of late. Still, there was always her gut feeling telling her it was all play. Like some odd kind of grooming. 

"for now" she answered and followed suit. They walked up to a big curved wall and towards a ladder conveniently placed to climb it.

"you've been here before?" she asked as she noted the ladder but Higgs shook his head, climbing the ladder and once on top waiting for her to do the same. Looking over the ruins of what used to be an arena of sorts.

"other porters, probably." he answered once she made it up stood ready to help, when he noticed he wasn't needed he went ahead of her again. Slowly climbing down the debris, the rain got much more aggresive.  
And so did her overal mood.  
Her stomach did another three sixty and that's where she called in the break, whispering to Higgs to stop walking and she crouched down. He stopped and walked the few steps towards Sylf, stopping in front of her and offered his hand again.   
She looked up towards him but shook her head "i can't" feeling more sick to her stomach each minute.

"ya can, come on" 

She sighed, again hesitant for a bit before pressing on. This time she did take the hand and Higgs helped her upright. But still holding onto her as they walked, well, she more so held on to him than anything. 

"the more ya surround yourself with what's stoppin' ya the more you'll get used to it"

The logic was sound, like any allergy any exposure to it will just build up your immunity for it. But that still didn't make her too excited about it. And the closer they got to the main building, albeit it completely broken down, the more the hairs on her neck stood on end.   
They finally got inside the building, what almost seemed like a shopping center. Timefal still pouring down in the cracked ceiling. They didn't even do much leg work yet she was out of breath. But she was glad this is where they stopped for now.   
Higgs turned to Sylf after taking a quick scope of the place, taking off one of his glove under his cloak, then reaching for the hand that had been holding onto his arm. She looked down curiously as he tugged her glove off her hand as well, wrapping his fingers around hers.   
Compelling her to look back up to Higgs and not finding much expression or answers there, he held her hand and then nodded his head towards the more floor above them. 

"look"

She glanced over the escalators, the sign in between them and then towards the upper levels. She squinted her eyes when she could make out a vague figure, a shadow almost. Her face turned pale when she realized what she was looking at, feeling really lightheaded even though they were at a safe distance.

"If ya stay quiet you've got nothin' to worry about" he gave her hand a light squeeze to bring her back to earth. Her free hand, the gloved one reached up towards her face and rubbed over her forehead.   
Before she could give him even but a proper warning her knees went weak on her, as did her grip on Higgs arm. And much like her fall from the mountain, everything faded to black again.


	10. Patience

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We're bringing out the feels this time. Also i REALLY advice for this chapter; to put the song on the chapters named after. Really set the mood for me.  
> It's gonna get a lot darker from here, i'm afraid... And putting more emphasis on Higg's side of the story.
> 
> Seemingly a bit on tthe shorter side.

She opened her eyes to the sight of her beach, not to the usual beautiful glow of it however. It was storming, thunder, rain crashing down. And waves crashing in.  
The sky was a sad color of grey and dark blues. And whilst some storms are a calming occasion, nothing she loved more than the sound and touch of rain, this was the most foreboding storm she'd seen yet. Like it was carrying something dangerous, behind all the clouds and heavy timefal.   
She never quite paid much attention to what she was wearing whenever she dreamed of her beach, but she looked down to see her naked feet and the sand moving in between her toes. Covering her foot up to the ankle in lose sand and water. She was just wearing a thin white dress, or a night gown. Hard to tell when you're completely rained on.   
Something inside her was always curious to walk into the waves, almost as if they were tempting her. But knowing full well nothing would happen, probably? It's like taking the plunge in any other dream, trying to fall down a building. But instead you either survive, or you simply wake up. You can't die in your dreams... So they say.  
So she started walking, step by step closer to the rough ocean water, until some of its waves crashed into her legs. Stopping when it reached her knees.   
She looked into the salt water, to the pebbles covered over the sea's floor. Wherever it was clear enough to see through. The water seemed to be glowing again.. Or rather, she learned it wasn't glowing. There was gold shining through from under, cascading onto the surface.  
Her curiosity got the worst of her and she went deeper and deeper, completely submerging her body into the sea. She took a deep breath and dived under, swimming deeper to reach the bottom. She could see it more clear, the rocks, the sand, as if they were coated in gold glitter. And between one of the rocks on the ocean's floor she found her necklace, the one Higgs gave her.

\-------

When she opened her eyes again she wasn't greeted with the view of the sky, or her beach, but a low ceiling. Moving around and rubbing her face she realized she was in the entrance of a small shelter. Starting to rise to her feet and looking around for Higgs, it was still horribly raining and she peeked her head outside, seeing Higgs to her left. She sighed in relieve.   
And then it hit her, where they were.. What they were doing... That and, relieve was the last emotion she'd think of having around Higgs.

"did ya have nice dreams?" she heard Higgs chuckle in a low voice and then walking back into the shelter as well.

She bit down on her bottom lip and shook her head, not feeling like answering that one for now.   
"why is this here?" she asked and even pointed out the little terminal behind her.

"it's a ruined shelter Wallaby, probably abandoned by preppers or.. Who knows?" he shrugged. 

She took a step back and turned to said terminal, it was even still accessible. Behind her Higgs walked back into the shelter, the rain got worse. When she got bored of the terminal, not finding anything of use she sighed and turned away from it, almost bumping into Higgs and she emitted a small annoyed huff. She caught his eyes and her stomach made a small tumble again, whatever it was, something about him always kept her neck hairs standing upright. Alarmed, but at the same time so curious.   
She stared into his eyes for a long time, without pause and not even really realizing it either, as usual just completely lost in time and space itself. Normally he would say something about it, tease her maybe. But he merely stared back, maybe the 'awkward' silence wasn't as awkward with the sound of rain crashing down as hard as it was. 

It was him.  
She was sure of it, ever since she's been by his side, her dreams have gotten so much worse. So much more intense, random.. And mostly confusing. Was Higgs the storm in her life? Constantly keeping her on high alert?

"why do you wan't to teach me... This? Why.. Take me here?"

More and more she became so conflicted, unsure if she was growing attached to him.. And the next hour she would want to run she couldn't describe the feeling. It wasn't even as much as fear anymore, it started to turn into something else. She found herself becoming more afraid of doing wrong by him, or saying something.. The wrong things. 

"exposure" he answered her, but merely repeating what he said before.

She took a deep breath, the frustration in her grew. He knew everything about her, she knew nothing about him, his agenda, what he wanted with her. And it was starting to really affect her. Less and less, each day she didn't fought him anymore. She continue sly let him, obeyed him. Hell, let him touch her. And she gets nothing in return.   
She realized now, she was starting to accept him, this entire thing. As her home. Was he just trying to break her.. Is he succeeding?

Higgs caught the mental struggle she was having and smiled at her, not entirely the most genuine smile. But a foreboding one, the same feeling she had in the storm, it started to overtake her. Should she just give in? Fight it for longer? She didn't know it but he was slowly winning.  
She frustratingly bit her lip again and balled her fists beside her body, the exposure, the BT's, him carelessly ordering her around... Having her as a prisoner, or co-worker.   
Tears welled behind her eyelids and she mentally groaned. She could run now, if she wanted to, escape the confusion. The gas lighted feelings she was having.  
Her hands were shaking and Higgs took a few steps forward, she heard him. She registered his movements but she was too frozen to move. It's like the wires in her brain have reset themselves, where she usually would respond with flight, or fight.. He has hard coded in her to freeze entirely instead.

He wrapped one arm around the small of her back, she made some stuttering sounds and wanting to pull away, have a tantrum, all of it. 

"Jus'... Give up already, give in. Stop makin' it so complicated, it can be so simple" he spoke to her softly, loud enough for her to hear over the rain. That and he spoke beside her ear as he pulled her into him.   
She did want to, she wanted to give in so badly. To just grasp what she wanted, get the attention she was craving. Because she did wanted to.. Is this what he was doing? Separate her from her own world, break her, trick her into being his partner.. work for him?  
The rebel and fighter in her wasn't ready to fully comply, but her body did. Her small hands found their way up Higg's waist, they settled there. Fisting the fabric of his bulletproof vest.

"I'm sick of losing.." she mumbled "I hate you... " 

She dipped her head low, her forehead above the man's BB pod, rested against his chest. She heard him chuckle.

"I don't think ya hate me.." he looked down and brought his gloved hand up, cupping her jaw and tilted her head up to him. "I think ya just don't know what you want"

She was just, so tired of being the loser in this relationship.  
Barely conscious,  
Oversensitive,  
Weaker...

She blinked at him, slightly frowning, even though just a moment ago she could, she could no longer look him into his eyes. Too confrontational. But once she caught even a small glimpse of it, she started to really cry and her knees gave out. She couldn't keep in her own demons anymore, it was all hitting her now. All the slow and tiny jabs she took from him, from others, from her brother, everyone that seemingly wronged her through her life, she suddenly remembered.  
Knowing all that, going through all that. The memories, the annoyances, suddenly Higgs didn't seem like the bad guy anymore. And she held onto him for dear life. However thrashing her body a little as she wanted to punch at Higg's chest. Needing him, but also being mad knowing he's the only one she got right now. 

"I hate.. everyTHING, I HATE IT ALL. I WAN'T TO GO HOME.." she started, making Higgs look around to see if she alerted anything, but seemingly they were alone .

"I MISS MY BROTHER, AND HE DOESN'T EVEN MISS ME" she yelled at Higgs. He didn't answer her and instead held her tighter. More so to his side, so his BB pod wasn't squished in between of them.  
And when her legs finally gave out completely, he slowly dropped to the floor with her. Letting her cry. Punch at him... Thrashing, all that. Until it was merely some small sobs and the shaking of her body.

Her face was pressed into the crook of his shoulder, into his cloak. His chin was leaned on top of her forehead. And as she slowly calmed down, Higgs smiled. Turning into a bigger grin as he looked outside from the shelter, to the walls of the broken down arena they were in.

He had won.  
He had broken her.  
For now.

They sat there for a long while, neither of them spoke. And Higgs was merely waiting for her to be done with her crying, get tired. Comply.  
And so she did.  
Even better than he could have imagined. She fell asleep.  
He started moving her off from his shoulder and onto the floor. Taking off his cloak for her to use as a blanket. Knowing full well however that as long as the timefal continued, he wasn't going -anywhere- without it.   
It forced him to really take a break. He stroked his hair back after taking his gloves off and looked over to Sylf, who was now curling up with the cloak. He brought his knees up and leaned his arms over his knees. He followed suit and decided on a small nap as Sylf laid there asleep.


	11. Empty House

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> more more more more more : D

A little bit later he woke up to some sound, it was Sylf shuffling around. He rubbed his eyes to get the sleep out, it made his vision a little blurry at first. But when he saw clearly, he looked at her undressing. She was only still wearing her pants, which she was now un-doing.  
She hadn't noticed Higgs woke up and she wasn't turned towards him, but towards the outside of the shelter. Once the pants came off, so did her socks and she was entirely naked.  
He didn't say a word.  
He just watched her step outside of the shelter and into the heavy timefal, just standing in it.  
She inhaled deeply and leaned her head back a little, letting the drops of rain hit her face better. And through her hair.  
Curiosity got the better of her once more, wondering if Higgs was still sleeping. But she didn't care anymore for what he would see, maybe she wanted him to.  
She turned her head over her shoulder to see him looking at her. Which kind of caught him off guard, now that he was caught peeping. But he wasn't embarrassed about it either somehow. He had a bit of a goofy look on his face, she gave him a small smile. 

"nice view to wake up to" he broke the silence, or the possible awkward moment. But she kind of didn't feel awkward at all, something inside her has indeed given up. And it felt really free-ing. To stop fighting him, his decisions.. 

She raised her hands to look at the timefal falling through her fingers, at the end of the day she still had that. Herself, her ability to -feel-. And no one could ever take that from her.  
She turned to him, seemingly all out of shyness for once. Still playing with the water falling falling on top of her palm and through her hands.

"i wish you could feel this.." she softly said, still with a smile on her face.

He raised his brows at her and returned the smile to her "describe it to me"

She chuckled. Looking back down to her hands again, then off into the distance, seemingly in thought and searching for a way to explain it to him. 

"it's like standing under the shower, but its not... It's not water, technically... I know that. But it feels like it to me, but.. More? It's like being stroked by nature.. As stupid as that sounds"

He eyed her closely, being the 'so called' gentleman and avoiding her neither regions and such and paying attention to her face. Slightly glad he did, as he never seen a person more compassionate about talking about something so normal. And, timefal being a bad thing for most people... A negative, she seemed to see it differently.

"You talk so fondly of somethin' that makes you feel ill"

"I'm fond of things that make me feel..." 

When she realized what she said, her expression turned a bit more bitter, sad almost.  
It didn't go unnoticed by Higgs, he eyed her closely. And honestly he didn't know what to say, because. That's exactly how he felt, a lot of the time.  
He looked down and cracked his knuckles.

"that's uh... Pretty depressin' Wallaby not gonna lie"

He shrugged it off with his usual chuckle, which he assumed was the same tone as always. But she noticed it wasn't as happy and go-lucky as it usually was. She's been with this man for a fair amount of time. And the little things like this, changes in his usual demeanor. Easier to see. But she didn't question it..  
It's almost hard to believe when you're held against your will, that your captor has feelings too.

He found her eyes again and she flashed him another small smile. Before walking back into the shelter, catching him looking her over as shes moving. She grabs the t-shirt she was wearing under the rest of her clothes. Pulling it over her head and over her body. Hiding most of her features now, which Higgs was slightly grateful for. The body on full display can be pretty distracting when you're a healthy young man.  
She followed it up with her underwear and sat next to him again. Biting her bottom lip and looking down at his hands, sighing to herself slightly. Which she figured he couldn't hear over the heavy rain, but then she forgot.. Nothing goes unnoticed by him.  
She found herself just wanting to reach, touch, connect... Anything. She felt so alone, being with him. Which was the strangest feeling she ever had to muster.  
He eyed her, the struggle apparent in her once more. A lot more calm now than before that's for sure. But he wanted to know what else he could do with it.  
So he moved his hand, turned it around and showed his palm to her. It seemed silly, almost like trying to communicate with an animal, but then he reminded himself she hardly had any social experience besides her brother. 

"what?" he asked. And seeing how she was called out, she decided to go for it. Carefully taking his hand by the fingers, bringing it closer to her and just observing. Rubbing her thumb over the skin of his fingers, his knuckles. All he could think is, why. Why she was so fascinated and into things that seemed so simple to him.  
He caught her smiling to herself, so he raised a brow at her. She wasn't looking at him but she could practically feel him having the urge to ask.

"you just have.. Nice hands..." she said raising the sleeve of the jacket he was wearing. She followed the vein that went over his arm, which almost made him pull back a little at the tickling sensation. "your skin has yellow undertones.. "

He wasn't sure why that would matter, but he let her do her thing regardless. She turned his hand over to show his palm, she rubbed her thumb close to his wrist and he frowned a little. For him, as on guard as he could be sometimes. The moment was perceived as odd, even when she was merely inspecting him out of her own pure curiosity.  
But once she noticed it was starting to make him a little uneasy she let go, turning her head and looking back outside again. There it was again, the heat she was feeling. The urge to touch, let go. She could feel it, so thick in the air. And knowing she was the only one that felt that way she broke away from it... Growing scared and unsure, wanting to disconnect from the moment entirely.

And when he caught on that was what she was trying to do, he opened his mouth, wanting to say something but he wasn't sure what he was supposed to say. She was by far the weirdest woman he'd ever met, but also the most interesting one. They were so extremely different. And a little curiosity in him got the better of him as wel this time around. 

"hey just... Be yourself. Do what ya want to do, y'know i do"

The words rumbled into her, she didn't look at him, but the fire was ignited again. Still, there was doubt. But something in her compelled her to move, scared to do so. But still wanting to try. Biting her lip and shakily moving, she propped onto her knees beside Higgs.  
He followed her movements closely, curious to see where this was going. He found her hesitating again with her movements as she came closer. To give her more space and not seem any more intimidating, so she would perhaps do what she wanted. He leaned back and put his hand over his eyes.  
It sparked a soft chuckle out of her and he grinned from underneath his hand in response. When she didn't feel so looked at, or judged. She moved closer again.. Her heart was racing all the way up her throat when she swung one leg around Higgs, so she would straddle him where he was seated.  
He could tell what she was doing, but she didn't outright sit on his lap just yet. First she reached for his BB pod, carefully removing it from his chest. Again he let her, whatever she would do to him, if it was vicious in nature, he would just outplay her, he was sure of it. As cocky as he was.  
The BB pod was set aside and she finally let her weight settle down into his lap, making the man under her grin a little. Regardless of the gear he was wearing, immediately he felt her warmth radiate onto the clothing on his own body.

She grabbed Higg's wrist of the hand that was blocking Higg's view and pulled it down. She looked into his eyes again and he could truly see the terror in her face. Causing a momentary frown from him. He wanted to say something, or take the lead to make her feel less anxious and just act on what she feels would be natural. For her and his own sake.  
As once he was able to look at her again, she grew uncomfortable. 

"I don't know what ya're doin' but you got my attention" he opted for a small joke or tease to lighten the mood a little. He watched her to see if it worked, a small smile did grow on her lips. Then looked back at the hand that was stil had her fingers curled around his wrist.  
She moved it slowly to her tummy under her shirt, and once his palm hit her skin she emitted a small sigh. He could feel the muscles under her skin go tense, to slowly calming down under his palm.  
She grabbed his other hand to repeat the movement, both hands slowly being guided up to her rib cage. She chuckled a little as it tickled and inched them higher up, untill could cup the swell of her breasts. That's where she let go of his wrists and smoothed her fingers over his his exposed arm, until she was met with his sleeves, just ghosting her hands there.

When she opened her eyes again she caught him staring down at her stomach and following his own hands. The embarrassment caught up with her again a little when he remembered he could control his hands again and they softly stroked over her breasts. She sucked in her lip, it was such a nice and intimate feeling. She closed her eyes again gulped awkwardly, but letting him touch her regardless, it was what she wanted in the end.  
He raised the t-shirt she was wearing to expose her chest, hands moving behind her back to pull her closer to him and firmer on his lap. Her stomach felt like it rolled inside of her, doing vaults as she was pressed firmer onto his crotch.  
He hadn't looked back up to her, which she was slightly grateful for, she was feeling so many things at once and more embarrassment wasn't something she wanted to add to the list again. When she would look into his eyes it would make everything so real again. 

Instead he dipped his head into her neck, feeling the short beard on his chin itching at her skin, getting goosebumps under his touch and slightly hunching forward at the touch. He only chuckled at the response before putting his lips to the crook of her neck and softly kissing.  
She made a small squeak and shrugged her shoulder with a giggle, which only made him pull her closer, forcing her to arch her neck back, exposing it to him and he latched his mouth onto her skin.  
She rolled her eyes back into her head and softly moaned now, her fingers gripping into his arms. Completely melting into him, but was slowly coming back to earth when she felt like she was sitting onto a bump in his pants. Feeling it throb at her sounds and she realized.. She wasn't painfully sitting on any of his gear..

Nope.  
It certainly wasn't his gear.

She wasn't sure what startled her more, that, or the fact that she wanted more. It didn't make it any easier for her when she felt his tongue lick across her jaw. But no, it was going places she didn't want it it go. Or maybe she did, she just knew she wasn't looking for it now, or that she was scared. It started to show a little as she grew more uncomfortable with his touches. Where her hands were gripping tightly onto his arms for support, they were now softly pushing him away. Almost carefully as she was scared to defy him.  
It made him stop however, seizing the movement on his hands as they settled on each side of her waist and looked up to her. She was afraid to meet his gaze at first, but when he didn't say anything she felt compelled to.  
Higgs slid his hands down until they found her hips, where they stayed.  
He leaned back against the wall again and licked his lips, watching her pull the t-shirt back down. When her wrists bumped with the sides of Higg's arms she shuddered a bit and didn't know where to put them. So she just rubbed at her upper arms.

"what're ya so afraid of?"

She felt his gaze burn into her as he spoke, but she softly shrugged her arms. He scoffed at that, relaxing under her she could feel the stress on his pants releasing. Less taught.  
When she dared to meet his gaze again he was grinning, having another one of his revelations.

"You're afraid of commitment" he flashed his pearly whites at her when he smiled and removed his hands from her hips, crossing his arms. "Not afraid of me.. You're afraid of what happens after.. Afraid i'll fuck off. Leave ya hangin'... Am i close?"

She moved her nails softly over the skin of her arms as she considered it, looking away from him, thinking. Even if she was right, did she really want to admit it to him? 

"I thought ya wanted to feel?" he raised a brow at her and she turned her head now. He got her there. 

"and apparently ya don't care if it's negative.. You just want to be wanted."

She just stared at him, she couldn't make any sense of what he was saying. That either what he said was the truth, or that he was just putting ideas in her head. She did know she was afraid of being used, as she thought that was her role pretty much. Be a doormat for Higgs and whatever he had on his agenda.  
He wasn't oblivious to her mental struggle, but he let her have it regardless, but not for too long. Not for things to really make sense. 

"Would it make ya feel better if i told you i wasn't playing on letting you walk any time soon?"

The anxiety grew in her and at the same time, set her at peace. The unknown she had, was finally answered, it felt like a huge burden was lifted from her shoulders. But knowing that, it stil meant her predicament was that; a doormat.  
And she was going to remain that way. 

Right there and then, she sobered up even more. He wasn't all she had... -He- just had her.

"It makes me feel nothing.." she said finally, slowly moving her hands away from her arms, down to one of his shoulders. Steadying herself to rise up from his lap and as she shifted she felt the wet spot she had left in her undies, embaressed she tried to pull away, but before she could even shift her weight he had put his hands back to her hips. Grounding her on his lap.  
Gasping she pulled her hand back and finally looked him in the eyes.

"do i get a choice...?" she asked looking at him, the mood in the shelter had shifted completely, fear growing in her.

"You always have a choice" he answered her with a smile, he reached for the side of his bulletproof vest and undid the clasps of them. Loosening it before lifting it from over his shoulders, down to the floor next to them.  
Her stomach turned again, this time it wasn't in excitement. 

"Is the choice, submit or face the consequences?" she pressed the topic even more as she watched him undo his jacket and untucking the t-shirt from under his pants. 

"You don't know what ya want, but you do catch on quickly" his words sounded so casual, all the while the jacket was thrown behind her, with the rest of the clothing she shed earlier.  
When she really gave it some thought, she did kind of bring this upon herself. Or at least that's what she thought, she did provoke this kind of response. Initially, secretly this was where she wanted it to go... Eventually. On her terms. But she quickly learned that's not how this relationsh-.. Partnership worked.

And while she was once more deep in her train of thoughts, he had hooked his arm behind her and switched their positions around. He moved to his knees, lifting her with him and laying her down on the clothing pile they made.  
Reaching for his eyes desperately this time, now she wanted it to be real. Or at least make him see what he was doing.. Or, was going to do. And she wanted him to sober up.

"d-don't.. Like, i'm sorry... I led this on." she stuttered, grabbing at his hands when they were going to remove his shirt.  
That and it also kind of force him to look back at her. And all she wanted was to see the same thing she saw when she was standing outside of the shelter, or when she sitting just simply in his lap. When she actually felt wanted, not yelled at or used.  
But she saw none of that, either she imagined it before. Or he he was faking it, considered what he told her right after.  
Now he looked at her a bit confused, letting go of his shirt and let her lower his hands until she let go of them. 

"Do you want to or not...?"

"N-no.. I mean. Not like this"

"like what?"

She bit her lip, shrugging her shoulders again. Frustrated.

"see you don't even know what you want, let me make it easier. I think you misunderstand Wallaby"

He sighed when he once more didn't get a response out of her, he dipped down in between her legs. Still seated on his knees he hovered over her.

"I was talkin' business not pleasure" he dipped lower and moved his hands lower to her thighs, hooking his hands under and raising them over his own legs, pulling her in closer. His face had found its way back into the crook of her neck again. 

"so.. I have a choice, now?" she asked carefully, the hairs of his beard once more made her arch, uncomfortably at first but now that the option was on the table, she felt the stress slip away. 

"sure, if you can stop me" he chuckled the words against her neck, they didn't seem as predatory to her as it should have been. Maybe this was the one time she truly understood his intentions. If she could really stop him, or if her body craved it too much.  
She felt his hands move again, back to her thighs and hooked his fingers around her underwear. Sliding it down her legs and removing it entirely.  
Even when she had been naked in front of him a couple of times, now it was a bit different. And she felt more exposed than ever before.  
When he tossed her panties aside along with his t-shirt, which he pulled off like it was nothing, he moved back down in between her legs, shuffling off his knees and putting more of his weight on her.  
The skin of his lower abdomen made contact with her crotch and she shuddered, slowly letting herself get lulled back into the high she was experiencing before. He was propped on his elbows and working on raising the t-shirt she wore back over her chest again. Feeling even more skin on skin contact she inhaled deeply. 

And before she could even process any of it, his hand ghosted lower, reaching for his pants but she caught him by the wrist again. He looked at her, brows arched and she smiled at him. 

"wait... Like, just, wait." she bit her bottom lip and let go of his wrist, trailing her fingers over his arms before flattening her palm over his skin. Just feeling and trailing over his shoulder all the way up to cup his cheek. Again Higgs eyed her curiously and she met his eyes again, rubbing her thumb over his bottom lip.  
Licking her own as she stared down at his lips, leaning forward to kiss him. Their lips brushing she could feel his breath hitch, but to her surprise he jerked his head back. Almost like he didn't expect it, she frowned a little in question and he averted his eyes.  
And there it was again, the air changed.

She actually wanted this. And when she realized it, it suddenly hurt even more. The fear of him not wanting her overcame the act completely. Fuck, he was right.  
He sighed and pulled back from her.

"n-nonono i'm sorry i didn't-" she stuttered and sat up as well, covering her chest now. 

"We can continue!" she immediately said after seeing him recover his t-shirt and putting it back on, he flashed a smile at her and shook his head.

"Nah this ain' it.." he said while looking outside and rising to his feet, eyeing the sky absentmindedly "we should go, get dressed, the weather is gonna get worse."

Fuckfuckfuck.. What happened? She couldn't really wrap her head around what just unfolded. She could joke about him not being the kissing type but, she felt like it was a bit deeper than that. Maybe what he was going for was something she wasn't in the end.

Either way, there was the lonely feeling again.

Empty.


	12. Help me.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ngl it was really hard to write this chapter.
> 
> Again; i'm sorry for the inconsistency in uploads. I get these sporadic moods where i just write and write. And then i have moments where i'm just not motivated to wire even the slightest of grocery shopping list.  
> But thank you all so much for sticking with it <3 your comments are always really nice to come back to. Don't hate me and Higgs too much for this one pls..

Sylf had absentmindedly watched the people in camp do their chores in the morning on one of the benches. Even after a full night of sleep the energy was completely drained from her. But it was probably plain mental exhaustion.  
Probably the minute after Higgs had brought Sylf back to camp, he took off again. She could dwell on it, overthink it, all that. But even if she tried she was simply too tired for it, too tired for his nonsense.   
She was also just growing more used to feeling of disappointment. Or -being- a disappointment. She couldn't figure it out, but she must've done something wrong.   
She was numb when he wasn't around. And on edge whenever he was.  
There were no good feelings in between. Or the ones she did have were met with diminished, ignored, or quickly overshadowed by something negative right after.  
He had been gone for a full day, which she again spend most of her time sleeping and working out. When she didn't had anything to do she would just drive herself crazy.. She probably had bit every nail on her finger by now.

She had read some novels and if it was anything to go by, feelings of love certainly weren't written out to be like this, this was horrible. She couldn't understand the whole hype for it. It was so frustrating and exhausting to hop from one emotion to the next, on top of sometimes just downright being nauseated because of DOOMS.  
She sighed, annoyed she dropped her head to her arms that were leaning on the table of the bench she was sitting on. Breakfast had long passed but she hadn't moved from her spot since. She did notice someone from camp was missing earlier.   
Surely some came by and left, just in between stops to their next destination, but this one in particular was a guard. Someone she had spoken to before, the same guard that escorted her into the forest so she could have her leak.  
Maybe he got discharged, send somewhere, who knows but she couldn't help but notice. Seeing how she hadn't had much to do. 

She finally lifted her head from her arms and saw someone walking in front of the table, sitting down in front of her. Just your usual army grunt in their casual get-up.   
She eyed him curiously, realizing how rude she must seemed she sat up right and cleared her throat.   
The guy had a cheeky expression on his face and big brown eyes, brown hair. But mostly he seemed kind-looking.

"You're Higg's girl right?" he asked, making her frown at him.

"Higg's -girl-?"

"y'know. You work for him right?"

"Oh... Yeah." She rubbed her forehead at that.

"You look like you're having a bad day"

She nodded "yeah you could say that.."

He gave her a sympathetic smile and leaned his elbow onto the table "I mean, i don't know what you do normally but i suppose the job gets pretty tedious doesn't it"

"what job?"

"y'know... I don't know, i'm just making small talk, you're not making it very easy for me" he laughed softly and she groaned. Feeling extra shitty now.

"I'm sorry. Don't mind me"

"It's okay, you seemed like you needed cheering up.. Everyone that actually works for Higgs is so uptight all the time, felt bad for you"

She didn't know what to say to that, she just looked at him, almost sad for -him- that he couldn't put a smile on her face, so she flashed him a small one at least.

"You wanna go do target practice? They sat down targets outside of camp, in the forest" he asked,

Then she realized she wasn't allowed outside of camp and bit her lip "ehm, doesn't that make noise..?

"It's bow and arrow, it's pretty cool"

She sighed "listen... I'm not allowed outside camp."

The man snorted at that, but when he noticed her expression didn't change, he realized she wasn't joking "so what? You're his slave?"

Again she didn't answer, but when she what she told him could fuck things up for her, if he knew. She wasn't sure if anyone was really allowed to know of her purpose, she did knew some of the people here knew Higg's merchandise wasn't to be touched. That was his business and people knew not to mess with it. Or ask questions.  
But this guy clearly hasn't gotten the message, but it made sense. She never saw him before.

She noted the horror on his face and Sylf chuckled now.

"It's pretty simple, lets say i work for him. And we don't get in trouble" she said smiling at him, or rather the best smile she could muster.

He stared at her for a moment, unsure what to say or make of it. 

"I just know he's dangerous... So, let's not talk about it." she followed up right after and when she figured he wouldn't speak, she got up to find herself something to drink.   
Behind her she could hear the man standing up as well.

"My name's Mari by the way" he said, holding out his hand. Sylf glanced down at the offer and shook Mari's hand "Sylf.." 

"nice to meet you, hope to see around, i gotta get goinggg. Porter syndrome, hands shaky" he joked to her, she merely nodded, gave him another soft smile and went on her way.   
Over to one of the water coolers in one of the bigger tents, filling up her water bottle.   
Finding her way back to the barracks once she was done, putting some stuff together for herself for when she goes to shower later. She was told a little while ago she could ask someone else to open the showers up for her, but honestly she didn't feel like having a random stranger look at her in the shower. 

Filling some extra time, she had accumulated a book on BB's and their origins. So she started to read, managing to waste a decent few hours with it.  
Eventually setting the book down, she raised her hair up, pulling some strands that have tangled into her necklace a little and put her hair up in a ponytail. Looking down to the small pendant on the necklace and fingered it, it was so sparkly and nice looking. Regardless of it's use.   
Wondering what the point was to begin with, if she decides to not wear he wouldn't be able to find her, right?

She wasn't planning on taking it off, it would just raise questions from Higgs and have her wear it anyway. There was no point.  
Outside the barracks she heard the wind rush by against the tent's fabrics, feeling the vibe in the air change again. Followed by heavy footsteps.

There he was again, making his way into the barracks and her heart sank a little. It made a little jump and she instantly stared over to the entrance, hairs on end. Ready for anything. The dread reaches its peak as he looked over towards her, finding her eyes and he smiled to her.   
The goddamn smile.

"Did ya miss me?" he spoke out to her and sat down on the small bench in the barrack's entrance. Cocking his head to her to come over.  
She didn't move an inch.

"Of course, light of my life." she mocked, almost spat at him. It sparked a confused look from Higgs, it was one of those rare occasions where she bit at his words and he could never quite make out if he liked it or not. The authority in him and what he has over her always conflicted him, to either amuse her tantrum, or shut it right down.

"ah passive aggressive. You wanna argue? Come on then, let's banter" he casually said and he pulled out an apple from a tray of fruit that sat on the bench's table. Taking a bite out of it.  
She was growing red hot at his continues laid back behavior. Always shrugging her off, like she was a child.

She huffed and moved from her position, walking over and sitting on the opposite side of Higgs, watching him eat his apple. Wanting to so badly to just tell him to drop the stupid smug look on his face.   
He had such a punch-able face right now.

And she was absolutely fed up with it.

"You don't want me, you want control, you're PLAYING with me.."

Higgs grinned, amused she finally started to fight back. Bark back at him in full force, but it was just that. Barking, he wondered if she would go any further than that.

"Welcome to real life Sylf, where we all use one another to get ahead of the game" he took another bite from his apple.  
At first she was a bit taken a-back by the use of her first name, something he didn't often do. Did she strike a nerve there?

"What fucking game?!" she insisted, now standing up from her seat, leaning over the table with her hands on it. Her posture demanding answers.  
Almost like a cat ready to strike at any moment.

"if i told you the story of the game it wouldn't be fun"

"FUCK YOU i'm not having any fun, where's the guard? Is that part of the game?"

"Manners!.." Higgs frowned and put his apple down "what guard?"

"THE ONE YOU APPOINTED TO BABYSIT ME" she snapped at him, the way she spoke shook her a little, realizing who she was talking to. But tried to keep her composure, he would never take her seriously if she didn't. 

"No he ruined the game so he had to go"

Her heart dropped and she widened her eyes "What did you do?.."

"Had his tongue removed and he didn't want to stay after that, it's better that way he yapped too much."

He casually waved the entire thing off as he spoke the words.. This man is a psychopath. Also why would he tell her? To inspire more fear? Keep her even more grounded, too afraid to a point where she would think retaliation wasn't an option anymore?

"You want the game to end?" he asked her, eyeing her close this time.

"YES!!" she spat at him and almost damn near banged her fists on the table.

He grinned, not his usual one. Not the pleased or cocky one he always wore, it was so brief she hardly noticed it, but she felt a big lump in her stomach once his face turned sour.

"okay let's stop playin' " he said and stood up from the bench. 

She followed him closely with her eyes, he didn't move towards her which kind of confused her at first. She did stand up just in case, ready for anything at this point.  
She watched him walk outside and signal his boys over, and whomever else was around. 

" 'kay guys ya'll take a hike, take a break, get the fuck out of here" He yelled out, Sylf watched him closely. Wondering where this was going.   
The moment right after he said it however, he walked a straight line over to her and grabbed her by the arm, dragging her over.

"w-what STOP! .. You're hurting me" she tried to pry loose from his hand but the force he had on her was something she hadn't experienced yet and fear really started to kick in now. What was he going to do to her?

"Ya're right, to be honest i'm tired of the game too. It's no fun playin' with people who complain every second of the way" he said while dragging her over to her bunk bed.

It became more clear to her what his idea was. And as she was trying her best to free herself from his grasp he had already retrieved a rope from his pouches. He had her pushed against the metal framing of the bunk bed against her back. Still thrashing to pull free but he wouldn't budge, with ease swinging the rope around her wrists and tying them up.  
She looked down to his handiwork and the familiar sting of salt started to well at her eyes. 

"told ya i could tie a mean knot" he followed it up by hooking the remaining of the rope around the metal framing on the side, she had some room to work with but she wouldn't get much further than the bed itself.

And off went the BB pod, his jacket..

He yanked at her belt in her pants, closer to him "fuck restraint right?" he grinned at her and she shook her head at him, again looking for his eyes and asking him to stop.  
There really was no breather to be had around this person.  
Off went -her- belt as wel.   
Was it really her who pushed him to do this? He crouched down to pull her pants down her knees with her undies, except he didn't bother pulling it all off. 

Her knees started to give, shaking she fisted her fingers around the rope tightly. "p-please stop.. I'm sorry, ju-"

Her words were quickly cut off when he removed one of his gloves and rolled it up into her mouth to shut her up.   
Again there was no room to process anything, the moment he gagged her had pushed her down onto the bunk bed face first. She could fight him, but what's the point?   
Although once she felt movement behind her and the sound of belts unbuckling, her body did it all on her own. Body of mind almost and started furiously tugging at her restraints, trying to roll over.

"oh, you rather look me in the face while i do this?" he casually spoke and she started sobbing, raising her partly clothed legs to try and push him away or kick at him. He merely laughed, amused at her trying to get away and yell incoherent nonsense through her gag at him.   
His way of making her stop moving was by flipping her over to her side, pushing his knee into one of her thighs to keep her that way. Along with the rope it wouldn't stop, but at least cease her movement a little bit while he worked more carefully on undoing his own pants.  
Her curiosity got the better of her, she looked over as the pants came down along with- no underwear. Yikes, he goes commando? Or was he counting on this to happen?  
She shook her head at the dumb realization and started to furiously shake her head as he stood practically naked in front of her. The last mystery part of his body was revealed. She didn't have any or much reference to know what's big or small. But what she saw was still enough to make her start thrashing again and wanting to pull away. 

His knee moved back from her thigh, leaving a red indent and he hovered over her. Again moving her over to her stomach, the way her pants were they left no other option for any other position. But like he said, she wasn't feeling like looking him in the eye anyway.  
Her heart sank.

Great, this is going to be her first time. Like this.  
And once she felt the weight press against her back she started sobbing again, shaking furiously now. She could feel Higgs hesitate when his hand grabbed a hold of her waist. She felt his length make contact with her butt cheek and she jolted.   
Wanting to look over, see if Higgs changed his mind, see her pain and decide not to take it there.  
But before she could even get the thought fully through, Higgs was already moving behind her. Feeling the hand on her waist tightening down as 'something' tried to push at her entrance. 

"Higgs..." as a last muffled attempt, she tried to reach out to him. But he had seemingly made up his mind to go this route. And so he pushed, past her folds.  
She felt the girth of him spreading her open and she squeaked into the gag. He was so silent about it too, no comments, no jokes, nothing to try and rile her up. Nothing.   
The feeling wasn't the worst, the spread felt weird, so different. But still so intrusive seeing the situation. No foreplay, nothing to ease her into it, nothing to make it go smoother. It was a painful introduction to something that should've been so intimate.  
She could feel him trying to bottom out inside of her, but he couldn't go far, she was squeezing down on him so hard it caused the man to exhale harshly. To try and block him out from going any further entirely.   
But she would soon remember how much stronger he was than her, his movements became more forceful. And where she didn't budge, he pushed her inner walls to submit. She started to sob out louder at the intrusive pain, the lack of her slick to make it all go easier.

He remained silent, building up a pace now that would make her bob on top of the shitty mattress. Her squeaks and sounds of pain were getting less and less the more time passed, the more he sped up. At some point he stopped trying to bottom out inside of her, knowing he simply couldn't take it that far.  
The sheets under her were slightly staining in red as he roughly took her virginity. At this time, she had given up. It was happening, she could only hope it would go by fast. Old books she used to read sped up inside her head like a slideshow, trying to gather and grasp at any information she may have gathered in her years, anything about reproduction. Nothing she could use however in this situation, she couldn't guess how long he would last. She just hoped it wasn't long. 

She became numb to the entire act and when she thought she couldn't feel any more of it. Higgs had pulled her closer by the hip, more so pulling her ass into an upward angle and that's where he hit a spot inside of her that emitted a loud moan from behind her gag. Not entirely voluntarily but a moan nonetheless.  
It made Higgs stop for a second and Sylf looked over her shoulders.

"ah, there you are.." he smiled at her, his hand smoothing over one of her ass cheeks and squeezing the flesh and he once more picked up the pace, but not too fast.  
She frowned into the sheets, but there it was again, the pain that changed into nothing but a numb sensation, was now turning into something pleasant.   
She squeezed her eyes shut, she didn't want to give into this. What he was doing was wrong, he was taking advantage of her and he shouldn't be rewarded for it. 

But oh god was it getting good.  
It didn't matter if she was trying to hide the bit of pleasure she had, not by trying to keep her mouth shut. He could feel it, he was slowly allowed more room inside of her. Her walls no longer working against him, but with him. And her slick inviting him deeper inside of her.  
Her mind was just trying to survive the moment, but her body was on fire and seeking out it's own selfish desire.   
She didn't care anymore. 

"you win!" she moaned out and started pulling on her restraints again, not because she wanted to get out, but for support.   
She heard him chuckle, having his victory and speeding up his thrusts once more. The more and more she squeezed around him- and not the painful kind-, followed up sounds of her pleasure rather than pain, he surely wasn't going to last much longer.  
Sylf had given into him and slightly moved along to meet his hips, at the same angle that made her mewl earlier. 

"fuck" he muttered softly as his thrusts became irregular, she looked over her shoulder once more and saw him hunched over her. Pushing deeper into her and his hand surely creating a deep bruise on her ass as he held onto her. And as he started to come undone he pulled out from her, his shaft sandwiched in between her butt cheeks. Spilling warm strands of his release onto her lower back, again she peeked over.   
He was panting and the tight hold he had on her butt cheek loosened, to completely retreating from her. 

"sucks it got fun when i was already done" he scoffed at her, which just kinda brought her back to what he was doing. -Him forcefully taking what he wanted. "do ya agree?"

She couldn't answer, she was still gagged, surely she could nod or shake her head, but at the same time she didn't want to give him much more. He leaned over her, his one hand near her head, the other reaching over to remove the gag in her mouth. Even when the gag was gone, she didn't say anything. She didn't even know what there was to say to begin with.   
As he pulled back she felt his member slide across her butt and she pulled a face. And as he pulled his pants back up, he walked over to a hamper near the bench in the barracks. Pulling out a small cloth and walked back over to her, cleaning up the mess he made on her back.

He straightened out his clothes and fastened his belt. Retrieving the apple he had earlier and put it to his mouth, now making his way over to the side where he tied her to the bunk bed, teeth sinking into the fruit as he undid her bindings.  
And once she came loose her wrists fell to the mattress. He took a bite from his apple and then put it on the nightstand next to the bed. Crouching down to undo the knots he tied tightly around her wrists, he was forced to look her in the eyes. Or rather, she was looking for his desperately but he wouldn't meet her half way. Avoiding her gaze altogether as he worked on the rope.  
Was he embarrassed? Mad?  
She couldn't tell what kind of mood he was in, he was just silent, neutral, pragmatic.

"Higgs.." she called out to him again, now that her hands were freed she reached out to his hands, still in the same position he took her in. Squeezing his wrist.  
Finally as she quite literally forced his hand, he met her gaze. And there was nothing there. She eyed him sadly, looking for any kind of respond..  
She felt so conflicted, so weird.. To now sudden disgust, she almost felt guilty for him having to do that. She couldn't make heads or tails, she was already so far gone wrapped up into his game, his world, she couldn't see that nothing that transpired in this camp was ever her fault.

"Ya want to shower?" he finally asked her, raising a brow at her. She let go of his hand, it wasn't exactly what she was going to say, but she nodded anyway. Yes she really wanted that shower.  
Now he stood up, picking up the apple as he walked away from her. Leaving her to deal with herself as he, what she assumed; walked over to the shower building.

She sighed deeply.. She could sob, do whatever she wanted now that she was alone. But at this point she was all out of tears. Shifting on the bed she made some painful groans, when sitting upright it just put more emphasis on the throbbing stings inside of her. Her lower stomach was killing her.  
Like a balloon had inflated inside of her and every time she moved it was pushing against her uterus, making her insides feel like they've been a punching bag.  
She slowly got up and that's when she noticed the red stain on the sheets. Realizing it was her blood she pinched her eyes shut, she could barely even think of the words of what just happened to her. Certainly not speaking, but even gathering the term for it.. She couldn't, she didn't want to give it any attention.

So she soldiered up and pulled her underwear and pants back up, along with that she put on the best smile or neutral look she could manage. And started to walk awkwardly out of the barracks. She didn't see much people, maybe two.. Three.  
The one person she accidentally locked gaze with were quick to look away from her, probably having heard the struggle. She gulped down and fast-walked her way over to the shower building.

Once she got inside, she heard the usual banter coming from the locker parts of the building, probably anyone just on their off time. That and the faint sound of a shower from the usual direction she would walk into.  
Higgs and Sylf's preferred 'spot'

Her legs were rather shaky from the entire thing and she carefully still made her way over to the showers. Seeing Higgs having already beaten her to it, in the showers and his clothes on the benches behind them.   
She started to undress and once she was completely naked, walked over to her usual spot. But hesitated once she stepped in front of the cubicle.  
Fiddling with her fingers she looked over to the one Higgs was in, biting down on her lip she slowly walked over. Standing in front of him, but he was turned towards the shower's wall, hand leaned against the tiles as water ran down his back.   
Again she tried her luck, taking the hair tie out from her hair to let all of her hair down before stepping in behind him.   
She was as silent as a mouse but still she could see the muscles in Higg's back tense, all the way over to his shoulder as he became aware of her presence. She had her hand reached out to touch his arm, but when he turned she pulled it back.   
Sylf just stood there as a deer in headlights, staring at Higgs and not knowing what to do. Her body knew what to do, the muscles in her arms were screaming to embrace the man. But her mind couldn't let her, she was too scared to seek refuge in the man that molested her. But at the same time, still blaming herself for it all.  
She figured he was completely done with her.

But to her surprise, Higgs reached out to her, pulling her in and under the water with him. The gesture itself was like a huge weight falling from her shoulders and she finally dared to wrap her arms around his waist. Putting her head to his chest.  
He lazily wrapped his other arm around her shoulders, their bodies tight against one another. She started to sob again.

"I'm sorry.. I shouldn't have yelled.." she said and gulped loudly. Fingers squeezing into him. Here merely rubbed her shoulder to soothe her. "I'll play.."

"i want to play the game again.. please.."

Higgs leaned his head against the shower tiles, she couldn't see but a grin was painted all over his face. The abandoned shelter was just a prelude.  
-Now- he had won.

"It's okay, we can start playing again."


	13. Rolling over.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> HI tasty here, with more word vomit.
> 
> Enjoy!

Sylf woke even more sore the next morning, when she thought she hurt right after, she was in a world of a little more hell than yesterday.  
She struggled to get up, legs dangling on one side of the bed as she rubbed her face. Wondering how late it was when she opened her eyes, seeing the barracks completely empty. Including Higg's bed. Did he take off again?  
Groaning she got up entirely, the usual routine to get dressed and made way to the breakfast area. This time wearing a big hoodie, one of the items she was given. She didn't particularly feel like wearing anything that felt restraining today.  
She gathered some fruits and yoghurt from the make-shift kitchens and then walked into the seating area. The open tent with all the benches, or picnic tables if you will.  
She was so sleepy she wasn't paying much attention where she was going, but heard Higgs voice calling out to her, she turned her head to the source and widened her eyes a little when she saw Higgs having his breakfast, with Mari faced on the opposite side of the table.  
She clutched her plate, walking over as Higgs signaled her to and sat down next to him.

"I slept GREAT last night, what about you?" he winked towards Sylf who had just picked up her spoon to start on her yoghurt. Sighing ever so softly at Higg's cheery behavior.

"pretty fucked to be honest, didn't have any" Mari responded to his answer, Sylf looked up again. Did he hear them?

"Only sleep I've gotten close to this night was watching my dear colleague nap in the passenger seat, went over all the way to capital"

She audibly sighed in relieve when he said he wasn't even in camp, making both men turn their head to her in question.

"this yoghurt's really great" she nodded quickly and started eating. She was also rather pleased Mari didn't seem to ask any weird questions to Higgs about her, but honestly he was probably too scared to.  
She shuffled a bit in her seat and groaned, pulling a face. The 'balloon' doing little vaults in her lower abdomen again.

Mari raised a brow at her, flashing her a smile "You okay there?"

She momentarily looked over to Higgs, which she hoped Mari didn't pick up, but then chuckled at him "yeah, long night too." nodding.

Higgs choked a bit on his coffee, sipping it down quickly.   
Sylf smiled to herself a little. He was right, the game was fun sometimes, now that she got to play it too. She watched him gather his stuff and he tapped her on the thigh.

"I'll see ya lovebirds later" he then nodded to Sylf "When ya're done, come to the practice range" 

Lovebirds? Really? The little smile she accumulated early dropped as fast as it came on. But she didn't want Higgs to know so she flashed him a quick fake smile, followed with a nod to confirm what he said. He then flashed a fake smile of his own towards Mari before taking off. 

She continued on her yoghurt and she could feel Mari staring at her. She rolled her eyes and looked back up to him.

"it's fine." she quickly informed him "I'm fine" When she was done with the yoghurt she started on the bits of fruit.

"I wasn't gonna ask.." he chuckled "you seem fine, just thought you'd like company, a friendly face you know? Your boss - i mean.. Your master already beat me to the idea"

"stop" it physically made her cringe to hear him say that "he's my boss. And i prefer you call it that way"

"but you sai-"

"Are you slow or just naive??" she stopped eating to look him dead in the eye "You don't know me. Don't assume, we're not friends. Don't be a hero" 

She seemed so cold in her words, but at this point she wasn't sure if she wanted a hero. She still simply didn't know what she wanted, period. She did know she didn't want another innocent nice person to have their tongue's cut off, or worse.

"I'm sorry, i won't bring it up anymore" he said, seemingly annoyed.

"I'm doing that for -you-. Stay away from him" she quickly added to it.

"Don't worry you don't need to, everyone else already does" he scoffed a little at that and finished the last of his own food. "good luck, Sylf" 

She watched him walk off, she couldn't feel any more annoyed with herself. Being so crude and direct, but she figured it was the only way to get him to, put it bluntly: fuck off.  
There was no need for other people to be dragged down with her. But she would be lying if she didn't think about it, reaching out. For help, anything.  
But the best she could do in her situation, was to just roll over. Accept it for what it is.

She got up from her seat, leaving the rest of her food on the table. They had people to clean that up anyway, she wasn't feeling particularly generous today.   
To add insult to injury, it was a beautiful day. It didn't exactly fit her mood but she had to admit, it helped a bit.   
She made her way to the edge of the camp. Most than anything she would rather go back to bed, or read, have time to herself. Mope around a bit. 

"No room to breathe, ever.." she mumbled to herself, when she reached her 'destination' she was half expecting to be greeted with one of Higg's men to escort her to where he was. But alas, he was there himself. Hood up, everything.   
He greeted her with a soft smile, bow and quiver in his gloved hands. "there y'are" her stomach made it's so maniest vault inside her body when he spoke.

"did'ya finish your fruits?" he had a mocking look on his face, she growled at him in respond "guess that's s no"   
He motioned her over and she followed suit "in my defense.. It's hard to eat when you're in pain" and as she said that she lightly tugged on the man's cloak. Turning his attention to her.

"That bad huh? I think you're just lookin' for a response from me."

"no... Yes, maybe."

He sighed and stopped in his tracks now, turning to her "My response? First times suck, now finish your fruit" he grinned and turned around again, continuing his steps.

"you're so worried for my health but you don't really seem so worried when i'm in pain"

She got another sigh out of him "come on man.. What do ya really want from me? Either spit it out or don't poke the beast. That's really good advice by the way. Not a threat."

He still walked, until he was pushed back with another tug on his cloak. He turned around again, putting down the bow against a tree, along with the quiver.  
Standing in front of her, waiting.

"I want to know if it's custom for you to ..." immediately as she started her sentence, she swallowed the words. No, she wasn't going to give weight to the words burning inside her skull. 

"well..?" he pressured her, he honestly did wonder if she would say it out loud. Would she really still have that kind of power and energy to fight him?   
But when she shook her head, he knew he was still in control, so he shrugged at her.

"can we continue our walk now?" he asked her, again waiting for her response and he would wait a long time. His willpower worked in mysterious ways and she knew this by now.

She opened her mouth again, hesitating, resorting to fiddling with her hands as a way of self soothing. But.. She didn't want to let this go.

"You hurt me yesterday" she couldn't say anything other than that. She couldn't say that what he did was so far beyond the line, so far you couldn't even see the line anymore. How she wanted to tell him to stop and he wouldn't. But she learned he simply just wasn't that type of guy.

"Then let me in, stop fightin' me every goddamn step of the way." he was stern with her again. 

"would you do the same for me..?"

He frowned at her "stop while ya're ahead. We're not goin' there."

"Mm.. Would you kiss me? Got any of that for me?"

Now she done it.  
He scoffed at her and shook his head, not at her answer but he grew more and more annoyed with the delay. But she wasn't entirely stupid and she knew he also didn't want to answer her. She was threading on really thin ice and all the logic in his head told him to shut her down.  
The only reason he didn't was the slight terror painted across her face, she stood frozen in place.  
He reached for the bow and quiver and stepped real close into her personal space "Don't make me regret teachin' you how to use a bow"

This time it sounded like a threat, she was pretty sure it was one. She sighed and nodded to him in way to answer. He stepped away from her and they continued their walk. Awkwardly in silence.  
After a short while they reached the small practice range people had set up, he passed the bow over to Sylf, still holding the quiver.

"ya ever shoot a bow before?" he asked her and she shook her head, taking the bow in her left hand. Trying the tension on the bowstring with her right. It almost seemed like she knew what she was doing, but again it was just her curiosity.

"Ya still feel like hurtin' me? I don' know.. Some pent up feelings? Before i hand you one of these arrows." he smiled at her again and she gave him a small one back. He may be horrible with her, but he was forgiving and didn't hold grudges for very long.

"Honestly? Don't think that's a smart thing to do, i was considering it though" she grinned at him, which emitted a chuckle from Higgs "cheeky"

"do i get a kiss if i hit it right in the center?" again she smiled at him, at this point she was just teasing him. But at the same time she was again just anxious realizing what she said, with such little time in between, poking the beast like she was...

"No, if ya do. I won't make you eat a bucket of vegetables" he took a few arrows and handed her one. She was slightly relieved he took it as a joke.

She took the arrow from him and held it to the bow's side. Looking at the targets in front of her, then back to Higgs. Unsure how to go further.

"right. Stand straight-" he paused to walk over to her and move her feet with his boots, tapping her in place in a way. Standing behind her "hand on bow is straight, ya want to shoot your arrow on empty lungs. So breathe, exhale, shoot. Don't hold the arrow too long or you'll waste your strength" 

"You're not gonna explain.. How?-"

He laughed "you figure it out. I can explain it to ya for hours, it's kind of somethin' you have to get a feel for. Go on" he nodded towards the targets and took a seat on one of the tree barks on the forest's grass.  
She followed the advice he did give her, releasing the arrow on empty lungs. She did hit the target, but rather low in the middle, she wasn't even close to it.   
Higgs could see her process what she just did and eyed her every movement. She took another arrow from him without even looking at him, then back at the target and squinted. Again he was just monitoring her, he couldn't quite make out what made it so interesting to watch. There was something unique about her he just couldn't quite place.

She took aim again, raising his brows as he noticed she corrected herself, her aim. Aiming higher, not knocking the arrow as taught as before. She let go and quite damn near hit it in the center, missing it just by an inch.   
Then she finally looked back at Higgs "not worth a small peck?"

"well.." he tapped his knees and stood up, standing next to her to see the target from her perspective "how'd ya do that?"

"i just.. Aimed." she shrugged, walking over to the target to pull the arrows out. "First time it felt too heavy to pull, so.. I just, over-aimed it."

He frowned a little, crossing his arms. Then shaking his head with a laugh "guess ya're a natural."

"Might shoot you in your sleep"

"first of all: rude. Second of all: I'd like to see ya try" he grinned and walked over to her, taking the arrows from her "that's really cute, but can ya shoot a movin' target? It's not as easy as ya think"

"tracking and leading, if the enemy moves predictable enough it shouldn't be so hard."

He frowned at her again, more in confusement than anything. "How would ya know? Ya're right but... "

"I read... a LOT. I hate it, but it's something"

He smiled, passing the arrows back to Sylf "well i'll be damned, if ya're as good as you are a pain in my ass, i might let ya cover me someday" 

She raised her brows at that, taking the arrows and looking back at the target, then back to Higgs. She could slowly feel the plans she had written down in her mind fade, as if they were slowly replacing with new orders. New suggestions.   
Actually wanting to be of more use hearing him say that. The whole idea of learning his weak spots, find moments, potentially escape. It was all fading.. That and he has outsmarted her every time.

"tell ya what. Few days from now, ya meet up with Sam. You do what i ask... I might.." he trailed off, hesitating, but also just to keep her on edge and.. Mostly hanging. As he did love to tease her. "maybe just maybe that deserves a kiss"

It was absolutely laughable how something so small absolutely made her day. It didn't matter to her she hit the target dead on. Whatever else could she may do, all she seemed to want was the validation.   
She sucked in her bottom lip, squinting her eyes at him.

"five seconds." she just threw that on top of there, wondering what he might say.

She saw his eyes trail off, that was good news to her, it meant he was at least considering it. 

He grinned at her. "three"

"four"

"Three and a half"

She couldn't help but laugh and as she wanted to throw another number at him, he beat her to it.

"Eight and that's my final bid"

Did he just...? Was he messing with her?

"AND, ya're gonna finish your vegetables" 

Of course he had to throw that in there, but she took it "deal" she smiled at him.

"Oh.. And" he reached inside his pocket, taking the key from the showers out and dangling it in front of her face "can i trust you with this?"

She bit her lip again, nodding and went to grab but he pulled it away from her the moment she moved "you'll play nice?" he followed up.

"Yes, SIR." 

When he heard the confirmation he held the key back in front of her, letting her take it this time. She honestly wasn't sure why he was showering her with this much positivity all of the sudden, did he feel slightly guilty for yesterday, did she truly earn it?  
She did push him beyond limits she didn't think he would go, the pain in her nether regions was a good reminder of that.

They stayed at the target range for a little while until other soldiers came in to do the same. So they retired the bow for now and went to walk back.   
The little target practice she had on moving targets wasn't the best, but Higgs had seen worse surely. He himself wasn't quite sure why he was being this nice to her. He seemingly never cared much for others than himself.  
Their walk back Sylf slowly started to sick again, at first she rubbed it off on her pains in general. But then the nausea set in. She sighed.  
Higgs was right behind her and noticed her hunch over a bit, stopping in her tracks "timefal?" he called out to her.

"think so.."

He stepped up beside her and gave her shoulder a soft squeeze "come on" he urged her in since camp wasn't far away now.   
He took the lead now and Sylf followed up behind him. She could handle the usual nonsense, but added with her abdominal pain this time it was rather hell on earth.   
They did manage to walk back without him having to haul her ass back. And once they got back Sylf crashed on her bunk bed the moment she got to it. Groaning as she curled up into a ball, Higgs wasn't far from her, he had followed her to the barracks to make sure she wouldn't tumble over, or faint.   
He groaned mentally and thinned his lips, looking over to her. What a bother.  
But no, he couldn't help himself.

"What ya need..?" he asked standing next to her bunk.

"Rest.. I need rest." she mumbled back, her eyes were closed and she was hugging her knees tightly. 

He nodded in response, even when she couldn't see him "well, unless ya need a bedtime story.. Ya know how to find me"

He was about to walk away from her bunk when she opened her eyes and asked him to wait "what do you mean, i don't know how to find you.."

He turned back to her and pointed to her, then to his neck "your necklace"

She stared at him for a second, but then it made sense to her. Last time she heard him teleport beside the barracks, she was touching her necklace. She wasn't even sure how that would even work and how he would know. But she took his word for it, so she nodded to him, turning around now. Having her back to him, struggling to get her blanket over her body.

He sighed again watching her struggle, it was just such a sad view. He bit his lip and walked over. Crouching near her bed and tugged on her boot.

"hm?" she turned on her back to see, watching Higgs undo her boot's laces. She raised her brows, again it baffled her how the small gesture put a smile on her face.   
He helped her take her boots off, putting them beside the bunk bed and then helped her get her blanket up and over her.

"bit of tucking in and you could be a great caretaker" she flashed him another smile.

"Don' push it." he tapped her on her hip and stood back up again, stretching and then walking over to the exit of the barracks "now rest" 

She nodded to him and watched him leave. Now that she was to herself, she sighed in relieve. Which already helped tremendously with the anxiety she felt. Too much of too many emotions in only a few days, she was exhausted. She couldn't deal with the sickness on top of it.  
She made a bundle of her blankets, re-positioning her pillows so she could hug something against her, it did help elevate the pressure on her tummy. But she would love nothing more than something warm on it right now.   
Then she mentally joked to herself how it would be even more of a joke if she on top of that would also get her period. It would kind of make her misery go full circle.   
It honestly did feel a bit like that.

After what barely took minutes, she fell asleep however. She didn't really have energy anymore to fight the pain, her body much rather wanted to escape it. Find the rest she so desperately searched for.

She didn't dream this time.


	14. Blue eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter for a short song. : )
> 
> Warning: period stuff, wow super spoopy

The universe was truly hilarious indeed.  
As she feared her misery went full circle, having to awkwardly turn to some of the fellow women in camp for tampons. But as they say; when it rains it pours.  
So she accepted it, nothing much else she could do about it. Her periods never really affected her as much and luckily for her they were really short. Again, she had no reference other than her mother but it was something.

Higgs went pretty easy on her, which she found rather amusing as he also rather left her to it. To rest, or maybe he was just scared of women on their monthly party. A joke her father used to make, it was funny to her. But in the end he wasn't doing anything different than his usual, busy. Not around, around when its relevant.  
The only difference being him giving her a bit more space.  
Not that she could do much anyway, she was in bed with cramps which were worse than before, for obvious reasons.  
She was really glad for the silence in camp however, this was one of those rare nights where there was hardly anyone here. Other than guards and kitchen staff. Which were sometimes actually nice enough to bring her some food. Because for that and other needs she still had to leave her bed. 

She slept so much in the past 24 hours that she finally found some time to read, again killing quite some time with it, getting lost in reading so much it started to get darker and she didn't even notice. She reached over to the nightstand beside her to find the flashlight she stored, while pulling it over she noticed Higgs entering the barracks.  
Since he had been rather neutral, kind to her. For once seeing his face brought up a fond feeling inside of her, but for all she knew it was just hormones. 

"Evenin'- or.. Good morning for you?" he greeted her, she put the flashlight back down and watched him remove his gear. He was covered in black spots and she frowned at him. It was mostly just his face as the rest of him was covered in clothes, but still she could see it.

"What happened?" she sat upright immediately, groaning as the sudden movement caused her discomfort. He looked at her in honest surprise, she was actually worried?

"Nothin' bad. Gave Sam a 'lil visit." he said, still looking over to her as he was removing his boots on the bench. Cleaning off his face with a cloth left on the table.  
She didn't know why but she wanted to stand, walk over. But at the same time she couldn't be arsed. He would also think she was just being weird. And she didn't exactly feel like being mocked right now.

"He's probably gonna be at the distribution center in a day or two, ya feelin' up for the task?" Once he was done with his stuff, until he was in only pants, t-shirt and socks he walked over to the bunk bed beside hers, sitting down. 

"surely.." she answered, reminded of the entire thing made her groan a little. Higgs just mistook it for cramps and leaned his elbows on his knees.

"still on...? Y'know"

"It's called menstruation and, yes.. but it should be over soon." She eyed him curiously, squinting slightly at him when she was half expecting him to make a joke.

"Hey i ain't afraid of blood, i just can't imagine how it feels" 

"Bloody." she honestly didn't know how to describe something to someone when they don't share the same genitals. It also wasn't important. "a heat pad would be nice.." 

He raised a brow "we don' have those. I could lo-"

"Never mind, it's fine." she bit her lip and raised the blankets up higher. She could see Higgs mentally struggle, in a way it was adorable to see. And it made her question how much contact he really had with women. She had close to none herself, but being one is already half the work of understanding one.  
Then she eyed him as he looked around, grumbling something incoherent and walking over to her bunk "scoot"

She was confused, did he ask her to move over?  
Only when he made the motion did she oblige, it was just hard to sink in at first. She made room for him, which wasn't much.  
He raised the blanket and moved beside her, shifting his ass around for room and she followed suit, letting him get comfortable first. He hooked his arm under her pillow and laid on his side.  
Still seated she eyed him, unsure where to move.

"come on then"

It was the little confirmations she needed from Higgs to move any further, still so afraid of stepping on any toes.  
She moved in closer and snuggled up against him. She didn't dare putting her arm over his waist so she kept it to herself, squished in between both of their chests. And when she got settled Higgs wrapped his free arm around her.  
He instinctively pulled her in close and she made a soft sound at being squeezed, more out of surprise. If it wasn't -his- warmth, it was her own now soothing her pain as she turned hot red, being so close together. She could touch him, smell him...

"Don't get any ideas.."

His voice rumbled in his chest, almost vibrating against her cheek and she found her hand slightly gripping at his shirt. She shook her head under his, knowing he couldn't see but she had a big smile on her face.  
Finally she dared to flatten her hand over the man's chest, scooting her tummy closer to him to share the warmth better.  
She couldn't really help it.. With mother nature knocking on her door and all: but getting slightly turned on. Wanting more, but that feeling wasn't foreign to her. And her body might want more, but she didn't wish for anything else than to just enjoy this moment. For what it was.

"I'm goin' to sleep by the way.." he mumbled "ya're free to use me as a heating pad, just let me sleep" 

It didn't sound mean at all, he really sounded dead tired. And she slept so much she didn't know in exact how long he was gone for.  
She nodded against his chest, pressing her cheek against him to listen to his heartbeat. Making a mental joke about Higgs having a heart to begin with. For all she knew he had a black hole in there.  
His arms were still, his breathing slowly stabilizing to a consistent rhythm. She looked up briefly, damn.. The man -was- tired.

It was odd... She didn't ever have any time to admire him. Or rather, look at him like this.  
She ever so slightly moved, not wanting to wake him again but it seemed like he didn't register any of it. When she settled she could hide her face into the crook of Higg's neck. Feeling the skin on the tip of her nose.  
He smelled like a mixture of something musky and nature.  
Her body had a will of it's own. Her hand had settled on his collarbone and her lips were grazing the skin on his neck. Feeling the pulse underneath. Her heart skipped a beat, the thought went through her: Just a mere gash there, he would die.  
Instead though, no feelings for any of that, more than anything she just wanted him. She was probably pushing her luck, but her lips continued to play on his skin. Seemingly in trance, followed by her tongue. Just wanting to taste.  
She pulled back however when she noticed his adams apple bob up. "don't rustle my jimmies now.." he whispered, putting his hand over her face "it's night time. Go to sleep."

She bit down on her lip not to chuckle. First off she was a bit embarrassed at being caught, but she had to give it to him. He was charming, in his joking ways.  
When he removed the hand and put it back to her waist to curl around her, he ceased all movements again. 

She took a small while to just enjoy the cuddling before she fell asleep herself, finally pain-free.


	15. Acceptance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hah uh. Awkward fact: i'm gonna run out of Low roar songs. In terms of chapter titles.  
> So what mentioned before; each chapter being a low roar song.  
> It isn't gonna change really, but it will be only when it applies directly to the chapter now. Untill now it has been that way, but theres always a few things in between that dont really apply.   
> This story is getting more detailed/longer than i anticipated.  
> Anyway, ima shut up now : )

She hated to admit it, but she slept like a baby.  
Must be all the all the serotonin rushing through her brain. She was more surprised at the fact that she for once woke earlier than he did.   
There was a nice little drool spot on his t-shirt where she had slept on his chest as they moved during the night. She sighed and looked over to Higgs, still fast asleep.  
Or so she assumed.  
She could actually take advantage of this, but first she looked around to see if anyone ever made it back. Literally no-one was here.

She didn't have any weird ideas, but the thought of doing something nice in return did pop up. Even when she much rather stayed there, wait for him to wake or squeeze in another hour or so in herself. She already had all the sleep thus far. And she really wanted to do this one thing.  
So she got up very carefully, not to wake him. Rising from the bed and putting on her boots. Not bothering in dressing up any further or lacing up. She softly walked out of the barracks over to the food court. As wel, it's extremely empty. Only a few people are having breakfast, the rest was just kitchen staff and even those were limited.  
She remembered seeing Higgs eat bagels before and she figured he loved pizza. But that would be kind of weird for a breakfast in bed. So she went with the safer option, the bagel.   
Gathering some things such as little jam containers, butter, bagels and to top it off: coffee. She all put it on a plate, she already wanted to walk back when she realized she probably needed to eat as well. Sighing she went for another tray, the usual yoghurt. And for this time: a particularly large bowl of different chopped fruits.

Then when she was finally done she walked back to the barracks, to her relieve she saw Higgs was still in bed, but woken up. Probably just as she came back, seeing him rub his face and sleep plastered all over it.  
He noticed her walk over, seeing the big tray of food. Eyeing her closely as she brought it to him and put it on the night stand.  
The look on his face she saw next, she never saw before. He was completely stunted looking at the tray of food. Slowly sitting up and propping the pillow up against the wall. 

"What'd i do to deserve this?" he asked, looking at her, he reached for the coffee.

"A thank you for a good night rest" she answered and took a seat on the bed, taking the bowl of fruit, she held it up to him to show and started on it. Poking her fork into the bowl.

He just scoffed with a smile on his face as he sipped his coffee, his feet moving under the blankets to re-position.   
Holding the coffee in his lap he watched her eat her fruit, she was glancing outside rather than at him. So he just stared at her, this unique entity before him.   
When she did meet his eyes again, he seemed conflicted. Maybe he was playing his little game in his head? Planning his next move on her. She grinned at him. Daring him too.  
He didn't say anything though, looking away with a half-assed smile and went back to sipping his coffee.  
She blinked at him momentarily, grinning still she decided to try and give him a taste of his own medicine.

"What's going in that head of yours?" she asked carefully, all the while munching on her food. Eden's bad habits were rubbing off on her.  
He scoffed "Ya're straaange Wallaby.." he gave her a quick glance. For a moment he considered if she was playing him back. Being nice to him for something, what did she want? What was her leverage?  
When you play games like Higgs does, it's much easier to assume everyone else is playing too. It was rather hard to believe, much like how it confuses her when he does, that someone does something from the kindness from their heart. And not without ulterior motive.

"Strange..? I'm following your advice: do what you want?"

"is that so.." he nodded his head slowly, looking down in his coffee. She was playing with him. But he quickly caught on it wasn't out of spite, or ulterior motive. She did seem like the type to him, but also the kind that would brag about it. She wasn't doing that.  
He smiled to her now, again seemingly in thought for a moment before he put the mug on the nightstand. Next thing he leaned over, doing the same thing to her bowl of fruit.

"H-hey" she protested, watching him put the bowl next to his coffee. Before anything else, she could see the light protest his body was facing. Or his mind, she couldn't tell.   
He moved back to her and everything went so fast from there, he hooked his hands under her knees, pulling her with her back flat on the bed. She made a startled huff, raising her brows in question as he climbed on top of her. His arm was leaned beside her head as his face hovered over hers, again there was hesitation.   
She wasn't sure why, she wanted so much to ask but she would get her answer anyway. He leaned and their noses bumped with one another, her heart sped up as he put his lips to hers.  
Now, she wasn't going to let him change his mind. As surprised as she was, she was used to how little time she would have, to even process the thing happening. She responded immediately and kissed him back. Raising her hand up to his shoulder, her fingers traveling up to find his nape. Grabbing the slight bit of hair she could find.  
She wasn't sure -what- to expect from this, but just like Higg's at work, he was the one pushing her to open up to him, feeling his tongue prod between her lips. Again she didn't hesitate and met his tongue with hers. Immediately she tasted coffee, but it wasn't unpleasant.   
She had no idea what she was doing, she had an idea of what kissing was... Or whatever they called it, french kissing.   
But she surely was clumsy, he started to chuckle inside her mouth.  
In contrast to him, dominant but patient. She was eager and inexperienced. He didn't say anything about it, she only halted for a moment when she heard him chuckle. She figured she was just being bad at it.   
But as some seconds passed, she followed the motions and pace Higgs had set for her. Moaning into his mouth, she didn't realize it but she was softly grinding up against him. And when it was getting even better, her mind fogging up, he pulled back from her lips.

"That's more than 8 seconds we even now." He grinned at her.

"Ah! Come onnnnnn!!" she whined, it made him laugh harder than usual "I don't want to get evennn, i just.. For fuck sake"

"I know" he nodded to her. He didn't want to admit to it, but she was growing on him. Must be all the mental abuse...

He still didn't pull back though. She moved the hand that was on his nape to his cheek. "so.. I'm gonna ask..." she already warned him before hand.   
Which already provoked a soft sigh from Higgs as he wanted to pull back, put she grasped the collar on his shirt. Whatever made her think she had this kind of authority, he was ready to shut it down and she could see it in his face.

"come on.. What's the harm in telling me why affection bothers you?"

He raised a brow at her, instead of downright asking him. She formulated it differently, but ultimately, it would still end up on the same question. And he did not feel like explaining it to her.

"Who-ever thought it was a good idea for women to read books needs to be prosecuted." he partly joked.

"Higgs..."

He sighed. "Not the lovin' type.."

"No shit!" she snorted. "sorry!" 

He didn't seem to mind but he did retreat from her to sit back with his coffee again "It's fine."

She sat up as well and eyed him, feeling a bit bad now. He didn't seem mad about it but that still didn't help "I'm sorry i brought it up"

He rubbed his face, maybe it was sleep... Maybe it was -her-. There was something inside him that did want to give into her a little. But this lifestyle, the way he was. It was hardcoded into him. 

"Don't worry about it" he said softly and reached over to the nightstand, grabbing her fruit bowl and passing it back to her "now fin-"

"finish my fruit, yes" She nodded and started eating again. In the corner of her eye she could see a small smile. 

It was something.   
When he was done with his coffee he ate one of the bagels with jam on it. They sat like that for a while just eating, relaxing. She eyed him every once in a while, just thinking about him. Wondering.. Surely who he is now, he wasn't always like that? Surely he had some heart at some point.. As he did show her he was capable of it.

"Bad youth, life." he finally broke the silence.

And there it was. 

"Would it make ya feel better if i told you i ain't goin' anywhere" she even mimicked his manner of speaking. 

"No" there wasn't much emotion to how he said it "A week ago ya spat at me, tellin' me how you'd cut off every part of your body i'd ever touch"

She sighed, unsure what to say to that. Watching him finish his bagel and put the plate aside. "What could i do to prove you my loyalty?" she pressed on... 

There was a part of her that was scared to know. But the urge to please, to be with him for whatever reason it was, was so much stronger. And she wanted to do just that. Have all of him, his trust. Even when she couldn't trust him.  
And somehow that seemed fair to her. 

"alright" he sat up straight, leaning his elbows on his knees. "Let's make a scenario.."

She nodded, putting the bowl down now that she was done with it.

"Ya're gonna meet up with Sam. Give him the package in my behalf, since we're close to it, i'll give ya the details as well. If he asks any questions, just point out it's sender: Peter Englert.   
I was gonna do it myself initially, but i'm sure if it comes from you, he's more likely to take it. It needs to go to south Knot City. If he is still hesitant about takin' it. Which, i don't think. Go with him whatever need be to gain that trust. Just whatever ya do, do not cross, do not touch the city entrance."

"Why would i-.. What's in th-"

"I'm not done yet. And there is a thermonuclear bomb in there" he smiled, pausing to gauge her reaction.

"A BO-" She wanted to yell but he immediately shushed her. "only my boys know, i'd like to keep it that way. The bomb won't go off unless you shake it, let it's timer go off, or bring it to the entrance. And ya won't even be carryin' it yourself until we drop you off."

She felt like she could breathe again slightly, still she couldn't shake what he had her do. "Higgs.."

"I didn't wanna tell ya. But.. I don't want ya to explode on accident either. Listen you know what we do here. Don't seem too shocked." he slightly mocked her now, which made her frown a little, other than that she didn't give him any lip. So he continued..

"So let's say. Ya do this, which you will.. You come back to me. And maybe i'll work on trustin' you more"

"I don't, i mean.. I don't want to di-" she said softly, and he immediately cut her off again "Ya're not gonna DIE"

She eyed him for a long while, taking in a deep breath. In a way this really would be the ultimate test, now that she was aware of the package's contents.. It put a lot more weight on her performance and the mission entirely. If she could pull this off and all the way through it muster a decent poker face to Sam. Surely, he would trust her, right?

She bit her lip and nodded slowly "I'll do it.. And i'll come back to you.. Where?"

He smiled now "I'll pick ya up at cosplayer, the waterfall. Ever been there?"

She blinked, nodding but she couldn't help but wonder. It was one of the places she always wanted to go. Did he know, was it just pure coincidence?   
Either way it was near the end destination if she had to accompany Sam, which she really hoped she wouldn't have to do.

"No i haven't been there, seems fitting though. I'll be cosplaying as Bridges." she joked, even when that's like the last thing she felt like doing. The details on the mission really sucked up most of her good mood.  
Again Higgs wasn't blinde, far from it, maybe sometimes somewhat oblivious to her 'woman struggles'. But when it came to her, she didn't know it but she was so expressive in the way she felt. And he could tell.

"It's two days, don't fret on things that haven't happened yet." as he got up he squeezed her shoulder softly, a gesture he would do more often now. Or little other things that she would find really soothing.   
He walked over to the barrack's bench to retrieve his shoes, she sighed deeply. Watching him pick up the boots he left there, sitting down to put them on.   
She laid back down on her back to relax for a little while longer, still watching him gear up "what's on the agenda then? Any for me?" she asked him.

He looked up to her and shook his head. "figured ya needed more resting time, so no"

"Egh. Hurts like a motherfucker the first day, maybe two.. After that i think i'm mostly good"

"good to know" he finished the rest of his routine and looked over to Sylf on the bed who was now having a stretching session. She made a loud groan, but out of comfort and he could even hear a few bones pop. He chuckled a little.

"say.. I have a better idea... Might save some time actually" as he spoke up again, she rose from her position, ears peeled and sitting upright.

"Go get 'yer stuff. Clothes, uniform..." he paused to think "lady stuff.. "

She snorted "yes sir" and got up to get dressed as well. As he told her, slowly gathering most of her things that were needed "where are we going?

"same borin' road we took multiple times now, just a bit further. Lil' shelter i have set up." he grinned and then looked out from the exit of the tent "I'll go get us that transport"

She nodded to him when it occurred to her, he teleported multiple times to her now. "why not just... You know, zap us there?"

"Sure, seems like a good idea to risk a small induced coma right before our important mission" and with that, he went outside.

She made a grimacing face and continued with her packing. She honestly had no idea how it teleportation would even work, let alone it being a thing in the first place.   
She took his word for it.

After a little while she was done packing, gathering the most important stuff in another rug sack. Now just getting ready with getting dressed. She wasn't even sure what to wear, or if she needed to wear anything specific. So she just went with a white sweater and some jeans. With her time in camp she was given some more options to wear luckily.   
She tied her boot's laces and put on her jacket last, before hoisting the rug sack over her shoulder and going outside.   
Walking through camp until she reached the more open area, she saw Higgs getting out a truck they've used on their previous endeavor to the distribution center.   
She watched him lifting a case off the ground and into the truck's backseat. She walked up to him, she didn't even have to alert him to her presence he already saw her walk over and motioned her to climb in the truck.  
Without any protest she walked over to the other side, the passenger side and got in. And while strapping her belt on she realized, this was her first trip with him alone. Or rather she had been to the ruined shelter with Higgs before, but their bike ride wasn't exactly the most social way to travel.   
And the first time she was in the backseat. She surely felt promoted.

Higgs in shortly after he strapped the case in on the backseat, getting in front and closing the door behind him as he started the truck.

"Doesn't this type of travel get tiring if you can just.. Teleport?" she asked, relaxing and leading back in her seat as he started to drive off.

"In contrary, more so makes me appreciate the joy in travel" he winked at her and he found his way onto the main road. And just like he said, the same old boring road, past the incinerator, all the way over to Craftsman.  
Even when there was more potential for chatter in the truck, Sylf still found herself just staring outside. Watching nature move by as they drove. But eventually even that grew old, it's the same road they've always gone by, naturally the novelty kind of wears off.

So instead she turned to look at Higgs, who was focused on the road. But surely in the corner of his eye had noticed her look once or twice.   
When that got boring pretty fast too, she turned to the radio of the truck. Then.. The glove box. Rummaging around and finding some irrelevant stuff.   
Higgs seemingly didn't care for her curiosity and let her look around, a small device caught her attention. It was a rectangle like shape, with a big screen in the middle. Pressing some buttons to see if it would do something.

Higgs finally looked over now "don't touch that, probably someone's p- y'know what i don't care" he chuckled and noticed she was struggling with it. "It's a Sony PSP, plays videogames."

"PSP...?" she frowned, pressing more buttons until she found the sweet spot of the device.

"stands for play station portable"

She eyed him now as the thing turned on, then back to the device and snorted "you play these..?" 

Higgs didn't answer her but he grinned to himself. She just rolled her eyes and turned her attention back to the PSP, looking through the menu. Which wasn't all that confusing, a toddler in this day and age could figure it out.   
She was just browsing through all the games and chuckled a little "Isn't this... Really really really old?"

"correct" he nodded and looked over to her "and yet not."

Very cryptic as usual. She tried to open a game and play but the battery was absolutely dead, so there went that idea completely out the window. She decided to be nice and store it back right where she found it.

"Why are we going where we going by the way?"

He scratched behind his ear and briefly looked into the front mirror "that's where the thermo-bomb is, or rather the rest of it. Initial idea was to go pick it up, then back to camp, get you, go to the distro--.. You get it."

She still grimaced at the mention of a bomb, but she honestly didn't want to know of it's presence and much rather trust Higgs that they wouldn't burn to death. Then again would he risk his own life?  
She just stared out the window, bored again and just waiting for them to reach their destination.

Eventually she noticed they came close to Lake Knot City, surely that wasn't where they were going though right? And as she assumed, they took a left through the rough rocky land. And slowly she started to see a shelter in the distance.  
She looked at Higgs for a second and then back to the road, making mental notes to try and remember the exact way they came. After al this her survival instincts were still working at least.   
The fact Lake Knot City was extremely close also re-ignited it even more.


	16. God particle go-getter

This was her chance.  
If she had any, now would be the time, not exactly. Not the kind where she would jump out of the truck and start running, no. Hell, this shelter was so close by Lake Knot she could make a run for it once they were there and possibly reach the city gates in less than ten minutes, twenty at most surely?

Would she even have the balls?  
She sighed and shortly after they parked behind the shelter. Higgs turning off the engine and nodding to her to get out as he did the same. She un-did her belt and jumped out of the truck, along with her rug sack. Hearing the little rocks and sand crack under her boots.  
It's almost hard to believe with how much she loved the forest that she was kind of glad to have a change in scenery. Even when this was her least favorite place to be.  
She walked around the truck, turning her head towards the city's direction. She could see the faint lights from here.... It's silly how easy it would actually be.

Higgs had taken the case out from the truck and had it under his arm as he walked over to Sylf. Then looking towards where she was fixated on.  
Sylf had heard him walk over, with those heavy footsteps of his. She quickly turned around to him and he flashed a warning look. 

"come on" he nodded her over again and she followed him towards the entrance of the shelter. Higgs accessed the terminal which opened the shelters door "go on if ya want" he meant the door as he seemed with the terminal.  
She nodded and walked down into the shelter. Putting her stuff down in the hallway and walking into a lit room. There was paper all over the walls, pictures, documents, anything. A big desk in the center against the wall with computers, monitors, junk, boxes.. You name it.  
Obviously she looked around, the walls were just plastered with mission info, details of Sam for one.. But what seemed to disturb her more was the empty spots on the wall. Where she could see tiny holes in the wall where pins have been, or remains from sticky tape. And she just couldn't help but wonder what used to hang there..

Higgs walked up behind her, setting the case down on the desk. Looking over to her to gauge her reaction to all of this. 

"You've been... Busy" she merely noted and crossed her arms, waiting for an explanation. Honestly this all seemed a bit obsessive.

He crossed his arms as well and leaned against the desk "jus' busy? That's all ya got?"

She slightly rolled her eyes "it's a mess." she finally admitted "and a bit creepy. But not at all surprising"

He grinned again, she was growing some balls on her. "I'd prefer to call it an organized chaos" 

Mentally she groaned, but she did emit a small chuckle "creepy bat-cave for a creepy man"

"Did ya just say Bat-cave?" 

"Yeah.. you know Batman? And you got funny bat ears" the moment the words passed her lips her face dropped, realizing she just mocked him, she wasn't sure how he was going to take it. But he merely shook his head with a sly smirk and walked away from her.

"How'd ya know Batman?" He said as he put the BB pod in a safe spot near one of the monitors, getting the more restraining and heavy gear off.

"Read some comics" she nodded and started looking around again "where we sleep then?"

Higgs nodded towards the cot that was in the very right corner and she grimaced. "or we bunk on the floor" he opted as he saw her face drop again.

That didn't seem as appealing either but, somewhat more appealing than sharing one shitty cot.  
Higgs sat down in the chair behind the desk, turning on the computer underneath it. And as he did she removed her jacket, putting it aside on the cot in the corner. She noticed a bunch of pizza boxes and raised her brow, she wasn't surprised at all. But more wondering where she got them from, do porters really do that? Seems kind of extra.  
Then she turned to Higgs, stepping beside where he was sitting on the chair. Leaning her butt against the desk. He turned to her, starting up the same system as on the terminal in the entrance's shelter.

"pizza for dinner then?" he asked, again there was the sly smirk and she just eyed him, curious. 

"the usual delivers pretty fast. It's good pizza too" he pressed on and she simply nodded.

"where's the bathroom?" 

He then motioned over with his arm, towards the hallway "last room in the hall"

She then pushed away from him and the chair, ready to walk over when he hooked a finger in the back of her pants "ya're not running off are ya?" 

Turning her head to him she shook her head, it did cross her mind ultimately. Only then did he let her though, however he would still be able to find her. Shed the necklace sure, he would know she would go to Lake knot right? Even so, would she even be safe there?  
She mentally sighed and walked back into the hallway, having taken her rug sack with her and going into the last room as he said. It was a small bathroom with a shower, toilet, some cabinets. Usual set up. She set the rug sack down and went to the toilet to do her thing.  
Taking a well earned pee and glad to have put an end to this month's chapter called menstruation. Only pulling her jeans back up over her butt but not zipping up, she flushed and then went for the door, peeking her head out and yelled into the hallway "mind if i shower?!"

She heard a faint scoff and a 'no' followed right after, so she closed the door behind her. Seeing the lock on the door, she honestly wondered if she should lock it. What will privacy get her exactly? Just that, some privacy.  
She didn't bother locking it and turned on the shower head in advance as she started to undress.  
There was no need for her to lock the door after all when she showered, he didn't bug her once. Either he was busy anyway, or he couldn't decide what kind of cheese he wanted on his fucking pizza.

She didn't shower for too long, long enough to wash her hair. And once she was done dressing up in the same clothing again, save for her jeans, just put on some underwear. She was still partly drying her hair in a towel as she walked back into the main room. Where Higgs now had removed his cloak, the jacket but that's about it. He looked like he completely tunnel visioned into the computer, she peered over and noticed it was a map he was looking at.

Seeing how they would be alone here, she figured. She could walk around in her undies right...? She also couldn't deny just wanting to see Higg's reaction.  
So she walked up behind him in the chair, moving to the same spot again to his right side. Hopping on the desk this time. Still lazily drying her hair.  
She looked over to him, surely he had seen her in the corner of his eye by now. Was he really that concentrated? His un-gloved hand was supporting his face as he was leaned over the keyboard, his right just stagnant on the mouse.

Then he inhaled deeply, smelling the coconut soap on Sylf he finally turned to her "I'm hungry." he clicked off on the map he was viewing and went back into the terminal's acces. Putting an order down. She put the towel aside on the desk, failing to distract him she got off from the table. Walking over to the right wall, peeking under the desk she saw a old record player. Blinking and crouching down to see, along with some records.  
Not just that, sitting still and just be surrounded by pictures of Sam, it was kind of intimidating. Out of damned curiosity she reached for some of the records, they were all old vinyls of the 50's.  
Pulling out not really one in particular but it read 'Betty Hutton - It's a Man'. She glanced back to the record player and then back to Higgs who was being a really big bore, then grinned to herself and took the Vinyl out of it's cover. Putting it down on the record player. She'd seen one before but never used one, but as most things it was pretty straight forward. 

Putting it on, it made a weird scratching noise at first which made Higgs turn in his chair, but surely soon enough the music started to play, filling the shelter.  
She stood straight, listening, she already started to giggle. Looking back over to Higgs who was just wondering what she was getting up to.

"50's music?" she asked, slightly moving along with the music as she leaned against the desk again near the record player.

"Don't shit on the 50s now." he gave her the 'look'.. Or stink eye, depending on how you looked at it. Warning her in a teasing way.  
She bobbed her head and shoulders along, smiling to herself at the idea of Higgs sitting in this shelter listening to 50's music while putting Sam's pictures on the wall.  
This is when Higgs actually truly noticed the little clothing she was wearing, but as usual, it was just a mental note that wouldn't really lead anywhere. Or maybe..  
He just eyed her as she moved along with the music a little "So when will we be getting that pizza?" she asked.

"in thirty, maybe" he answered and leaned his head on his hand again, supported on the desk, just this time turned to her.

He had a look of mischief on his face and she smiled softly, he motioned her over "come do that over here" he dared her.

She chuckled a little and walked over "not really a song for that kind of dance.."

He raised his brow and grinned wide "oh? What kind of dance?"

She turned a bit red and shook her head "you know.. A lap dance"

"a lap dance??" he seemed honestly surprised "how'd ya know" he mocked her again and laughed.

She gasped and wanted to nudge him a good one against his arm, but she could lose her teeth if she did. Or would she? Maybe she already reached him far enough he'd let her.  
She wasn't going to push it though.

"I've.. Watched movies"

"Porn?"

"What?"

Again he laughed, she probably had no idea and figured she meant any other Hollywood film. Those were much better references anyway, probably..  
Once she was close enough in reach Higgs moved forward, pulling on the edge of her white sweater to get her to come closer. She complied with some hesitation, but as he had urged her on to keep dancing, as light as it was. She got embaressed again.  
His legs were parted enough for her to stand in between and still fiddled with the edge of her sweater.  
There was an obvious silence and Higgs was just looking her over, for him it wasn't as awkward. Safe for the usual deer in headlights who just felt gawked at. She bit her lip.

"So what's porn?" 

He smirked "pornography.. it's movies of people havin' sex, basically"

The face she made next he would remember for a long while, softly laughing at her. "but why though?" she of course had to ask..

He damn nearly snorted "y'know" he made a jerking motion and she pulled a face again. It was just too amusing to him, he could go on for hours "ya wanna see some?"

"No!" she said immediately, but then she looked off in the distance, in thought as if she was considering it "maybe, not with you"

"ah booo" he grinned again when she pulled away from him. "ya'd be less uptight if you did."

She sighed "yeah I've heard it before, not much privacy to be had in the barracks is there?" she frowned.

"why, ya wanna get off?" he raised his brows, he could see what she meant. But seeing with how easily stimulated she really is, he didn't think it was something she would do anyway.  
Besides, if one really wanted to, you find that privacy.

"no, maybe.." she shrugged, opening her mouth again to speak but they were interrupted by a beep on the screen. She looked over as did Higgs, it was a notification of someone being in the shelters entrance.  
Saved by the bell.  
And there he was, Sam. With a package that he was getting ready to put on the shelves coming out from the floor. She then looked at Higgs with a raised brow "Sam?"

He grinned and nodded "yeah" he then got up, walking into the hallway to retrieve their pizza. She shook her head to herself, crossing her arms. She was conflicted between being amused and annoyed. But she had to admit, it was kind of funny.  
She then looked over to the monitor to see Sam leave, after a little while Higgs joined her in the room again with 2 pizza boxes stacked on his palm. And a bag of beers. He put them down on the desk next to the monitors and motioned Sylf over.

She smiled softly and walked over to the same spot, hopping on as Higgs opened the pizza box, Sylf reaching over to take a slice and leaned her back against the wall, taking a bite while Higgs sat back down in his chair.

"this ain't too bad" she admitted, this time having the decency to finish eating before speaking. Higgs went back to what he was doing, added with pizza this time. 

"do you have anything to sleep on, like a mattress?" she spoke up again as she reached for another slice. Also taking one of the beer bottles, wedging it onto the desk to pop the cap off.

"you could check the storage room" he said absentmindedly. 

She just nodded to that, hopping off the desk now, finishing her slice with a sip of beer and then walking into the hallway. She was at least in socks so she wouldn't dirty her feet. She tried the first door, but that didn't seem to be it, the second however looked like a storage room so she stepped inside. Flicking the light switch near the door.  
The entire room was mostly filled with shelving spaces, but somewhere in the back she noticed some big rolled up looking mattresses. Or what could pass as a thin futon. She walked over, feeling the texture.  
She deemed it alright, didn't want to linger any longer in the storage room anyway. Although some boxes seemed really appealing to take a peek into. She dragged the mattress into the main room in the middle of the floor, taking the rope off that was tied around to unroll it. When it was flattened on the floor it was almost a perfect square. Definitely not made for sleeping but it was good enough. 

She peeked over to Higgs, he was still busy so she got back up and walked into the bathroom to retrieve her rug sack. Walking back and throwing it on the mattress. As she figured, it would come in handy; she packed a small fleece blanket she snagged from the laundry rooms.  
She took it out and threw it on the mattress, the rug sack being thrown back on the cot in the corner. Throwing her coat along with the blanket to use as a pillow later. She now turned back to Higgs, or more specifically, the pizza.  
Taking more slices and munching silently, every once or so gulping down some of her beer.. Until the silence really got to her.

"do you have records with more songs on them?" she sounded annoyed.

He then looked up for a moment to her, then back to the screen "Ye but.." he clicked on a few windows and put on a playlist from the computer. It was very chill music, low beats.  
The difference in audio was easily heard.

"You gonna work all day and night?" she asked when she was done with the pizza and the last of her beer bottle, putting it down.

"I am" he didn't as much turn from the screen. And he most definitely couldn't see the sad expression on her face. She audibly sighed. Crossing her arms and looking over to him. Then momentarily to the screen, to her it was just a bunch of nothing he was doing.

"Can i go outside then?" she figured there was no harm in asking.

"hmm.." he paused "make an educated guess"

She sighed again and dropped her shoulders, letting her arms hang beside her. "if you told me i would've brought books"

"i've got porn?" he joked again, this time getting a soft laugh out of her. But that was about it. She looked around again, seeing some skulls on display, and something she couldn't explain other than 'Egyptian' looking.  
Not really any books, well some.. Medical. She supposed she could read those, but.. She turned her eyes back on Higgs instead. Wanting more than anything to annoy him, not really knowing how. Nothing much really annoys him, but she could go a different route.  
She crouched down to 'seemingly' look or get something from under the desk. Slightly buzzed she decided to go for it. She crawled over to Higg's feet, crawling in between his legs by putting her hands on the man's clothed thighs. He leaned back immediately to see, watching Sylf get comfortable between his legs until her elbows were leaned on his thighs. 

"come on, take a break" she whined, bored out of her mind. Higgs had his arms on the arm rest and gave her a daring look.

"If ya wanna distract me you gotta commit to it though" he raised his brows.

"I will" she pushed her chest into his lap and curled her fingers around the edge of his army pants.

"hmm" he passed a quick glance to the screen and then back to Sylf. "Fine"

When she got the confirmation she grinned and worked on opening his pants. He was a bit taken a-back by her bold moves, but when looking over to her empty beer bottle he connected the dots. He sighed softly and then shifted in his seat, lifting her up into his lap slowly and a bit clumsy, as she wasn't exactly working with him.

"You don't want to..?" she asked. Eyeing him curiously.

"I do i jus'.. I don't feel like explaining you how to do that right now." he stood from the chair, forcing her to lock her legs around his waist for support. Lifting her up with him. She gave him a small pout at that.

"How hard can it be? Like sucking a pop-sicle"

He laughed now and carried her over to the little make-shift bed she had created "Oookay, it's a lil' a different. Quite different"

He set her down on the bed and he kicked his boots off. To which she curiously looked his way. Now the nerves kind of settled in, they weren't as bad as they should've been probably. Having a beer to kind of soften the blow, she wasn't drunk but surely a bit buzzed.  
She got rid of her socks, watching him go for his t-shirt when she rose to her knees and scooted over to him. She wasn't sure who was going to go home pleased this session, was he doing it for himself, or doing her a favor? She figured this one was for her right? Since.. He did say he planned to work all night. Or something in that fashion.  
So she took his good 'ole advance, to take and do what she wanted. 

Standing up in front of him as she took a hold of the hem of his shirt. Under her fingers she felt some of the small hairs below his bellow button and she smiled to herself, her fingers slightly tickled at his skin, the muscles contracting. Then she pulled it up as high as she could, as he was much taller than her. He helped her half way and threw the shirt over to the desk chair.

He keeps forgetting this is all very new to her, so maybe this was just her way of exploring. So he just looked down at her as she trailed her hand over his chest. Her eyes fixated on her fingers as if she were registering the touch of his skin, memorizing it.  
Again it managed to endear him, he couldn't wrap his finger around it. It seemed so innocent but at the same time would she really do this to any other stranger?  
He softly sucked in some air as she trailed down, her fingers once more slipping into his pants. Lightly scratching at his skin.  
At this point he could've just let her get on with what she wanted to do, if she was going to be this slow with things. Again in the corner of his eye he realized the computer's existence, but really he was just holding out on her. Obviously he could take breaks as long as he wanted, but you wouldn't give your pet two many fingers. They'll take off with your entire hand.  
When she undid his pants and unzipped them, pulling at the waist to get him to come closer. And they both moved onto the mattress. 

Which is where he took the lead again, crawling in between her legs and worked on getting her undies off. They were also thrown towards the desk chair.  
He had her sweater raised up to her chest and dipped his head down to nip at her belly, softly biting. Pausing when he realized "wait.. Are you still?"

She snorted "no.." 

He was going to make a comment on how short it really was, when he figured it would just ruin the mood. He didn't need more confirmation than that to travel lower.  
She propped on her elbow to look down, when she realized he was going to go down on her she slightly shimmied and got really insecure, wanting to close her legs but he grabbed a hold of them.

"I don't know.." she warned and bit her lip looking down on him, he seemed to amuse her conflict for a few seconds before he carelessly carried on with what he was doing. Making a trail down her lower abdomen, to which she protested a bit more.  
But she would cease her movement not long after realizing, again, she initiated this. It was just that somehow to her, the idea of someone's face that close to something to intimate. It freaked her out a little. But the idea slowly faded more as he teased small kisses near her folds, her body just wanted to submit at this point. And she was growing hotter to the touch.

As most things with Higgs, he wasn't very subtle about anything. And he wasted no time sucking one of her lips into his mouth and she jolted a slight bit. Feeling his tongue travel in between, much like his fingers he wouldn't go straight for her sensitive part, avoiding it all together.  
Which strangely just made it so much better, making her more relaxed at the non intrusive sensations. Even though he was literally head deep between her legs.  
She finally let her back fall to the mattress, trying to relax. Which is when he slowly swiped his tongue across her clitoris and she bit down on her lip. Gasping at the surge of warmth flowing through her right after, slowly setting her insides on fire.  
More so inviting his mouth more than wanting to push it away, like earlier. He could feel her pelvis push into his face whenever his lips would suck down on her nub, tongue circling around it.

Her moans echo'd through the shelter and her hands had grabbed a hold of Higg's hair. One moment fully spreading her legs for him and the next locking his head in between, she was starting to trash against his face. But in a good way, wanting to come undone. Even the harsh scratches of his beard against her skin was a turn on at this point.

Whining in protest as he slowed down the motions of his tongue. Just as she felt close to the point of no return. Even when it was a slow burn, the movements of his tongue were more aggressive, she now locked his head in between her thighs. Once more meeting the strength she had in those, he groaned in respond, into her. Which finally made her let go, her thighs trembling around his face. Riding her hips into him and her moans grew softer slowly.  
And so the hold she had on him with her legs loosened to completely falling to the mattress. He grinned slightly, if he was jealous of anything it's how long a woman's orgasm can take. He boldly wiped his face on his sleeve when he rose up.

"Less bored now?" he got up completely, walking to the desk to grab a beer. Leaning down next to the chair, he retrieved her panties and his shirt, throwing the panties towards her.

She sat up with a small nod and then shimmied over the mattress to put her underwear on. "you going back to work?"

"bingo" he still fiddled with his shirt, he was more concerned about getting his beer open. Sipping from it once he did.

She just pouted "I have a request."

He took another sip of his beer "shoot"

"keep the shirt off" she grinned and leaned back onto the mattress again. Turning on her side and getting comfortable.

He raised a brow and sat down in the chair, grinning as he turned towards the screen. Humoring her "sure but so should you, 's only fair"

She chuckled and shimmied again, this time to get her sweater off. She did however reach for the blankets to cover her up, she wasn't about to get cold. 

"Don't forget to sleep" she mumbled into a bundle of some of her clothes she used as a pillow, she figured she might as well get some shut-eye.

He didn't answer but he passed a quick glance to her, watching her curl up under the blankets, then turned back to his monitor to work for.. God how many hours.


	17. Please don't stop (CH1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ok guys.. first of all, im stupid. I made a dumb mistake or weird error in my brain and for some reason thought you pick up the thermo-bomb higgs gives you in the story at the distribution center. LOL.  
> Dumb indeed, it's Lake Knot where you accept the order. So, i will fix those errors in the past chapters soon.   
> For context: i wrote that higgs would bring her to the distribution center, which makes no sense at all. Its where Sam meets Fragile after already taking the order. Duh.  
> Secondly: Another belated chapter indeed. Life came in between, i had some really shitty weeks anxiety wise and just couldn't find myself to write.   
> Anyway. MISTAKES WERE MADE, ENJOY THE CHAPTER!

Not having to deal with DOOMS for days almost made her forget she had it in the first place, there she was back on her beach.  
Much like last time there was a overhead storm in the distance, far far into the ocean. The wind was so much stronger this time. It seemed to come from no direction in particular, but only blowing her hair around aggressively. 

Then she looked behind her, the storm was no longer just looming from the ocean. It was in-land. But unlike the one she knew, this one felt.. Tropical. Warm, a feeling and sensation she could only describe as 'home'  
Much like how she would look at Eden.

Eden..  
Maybe not just her brother, it felt like everything. -Them-.. Home, love. Such an overwhelming feeling, it was slowly moving over her. The tropical thunders wanting to clash with the golden storm on the opposite side.   
And as the sky turned to a nauseating bright light, she clenched her eyes shut.

To open them again in Higgs bat cave.  
Everything was dark, except for the monitor that was still on, turning her head towards it she could still see Higgs working. And she couldn't help but wonder what time it was. Does this man ever need sleep?  
Oh wait, yeah he does.  
He also kept his end of the bargain, no t-shirt.

"Come to bed.." she softly mumbled to him, seeing him turn his head instantly at the sound. As all he heard for the past hours were the clicking of his mouse and her soft breathing. 

He rubbed his face in a tired manner, he probably didn't even realize how long he was gone for, in a trance, looking at things.. Over-analyzing. Plotting, strategies. Then he looked over to Sylf who was huddled all comfortable like. And with how tired he had gotten by now, it looked like art, inviting him over.  
Emitting a small sigh he rose from the chair and walked over to the make-shift bed. And just with his pants on still, which he was too tired to remove he laid down next to her. Stealing some of the blanket she was al cuddled up into.  
She was rather surprised he even listened to her, more so of letting her get comfortable and find her spot first. So she made some room for him and turned on her side. With her back to him. He did the same, finding a position to get comfy in and settled behind her. He didn't move much, he was probably too tired.

But when he didn't take the hint Sylf reached behind her, Higgs was about to ask what she was looking for when he was patted down. But soon enough she found his arm and pulled it over her.  
Oh, she wanted to spoon.  
Higgs wasn't really feeling like protesting much and took the bold hint. Inching closer until she felt the skin on skin contact against her back, she hummed softly. And Higg's arm relaxed on her waist.

Much like last time, he was the one to fall asleep first.  
Not much of a surprise to her, she sleeps more than he does. There was something so serene and soothing about feeling his chest rise and fall against her. It was also a kind of contact she never shared before with anyone else.   
She looked down to his arm around her, tracing her own fingers over his hand. Seemingly curious as always. She curled her fingers around his, taking in how much bigger they were than her own small, fragile looking hand. Such a different contrast to his, rough and calloused. Still, long and lean fingers.   
Even if the small touches did wake him, she didn't really seem to care anymore. After a small while, she turned around in his hold. Like last time, wanting to snuggle up to him closer so she could hide her face in the crook of his neck. Where his scent radiated the most. His beard hairs prickling against her temple, which she just found strangely soothing.   
It felt safe, because it was him.

Yet also the man who has hurt her the most.  
It was a bittersweet feeling, knowing the strength of his hands. His mind, having seen it first hand. For her it turned into a simple knowledge of: surely she was in good hands if she were in danger... Surely?  
Again she fought the temptation to touch more, travel and learn more about the man laying so snug against her. For once though, she was nice. She let him sleep and simply tried to get some of her own again... Which slowly creeped on her again. 

-

Higg's natural timer went off at the first sign of the morning. Even when they were underground, he would naturally wake up after a certain x amount of sleep. He slightly moved around a bit, gulping down the dryness in the back of his throat. She was with her back against him, again.. For him, stil however as he hadn't noticed anything she did after he fell deep asleep.   
The little movements behind her woke her up as well, instinctively stretching and her back curled against him. Feeling something stiff against her rear, she paused "uhh" she mumbled.

"It's exactly what ya think it is..." Higgs said behind her.

She started to chuckle, leaning into him more and turning her head over her shoulder to look at him. The black around his eyes was even more messy than usual. "You want me to..?"

He yawned and shook his head "No i want a shower.. It happens, ya get used to it"

She frowned a little, not disappointed but confused for a second. Then she remembered her brother and all the gears switched into place "oh, right"

He turned onto his back now, slightly stretching as well and she did the same. More so turning towards him now, she completely forgot she wasn't wearing anything but underwear. Her eyes traveled down to the tent in his pants still... It was just -there-.  
It honestly looked so stupid, surely that cant be comfortable, even when the pants were partly undone.   
The only thing she remembered from Eden was that he was a tough person to wake up with. It took him very long to really awake, on top of that he was pretty grumpy.   
Higgs was just... Higgs, his normal self.

He got up, which wasn't a great succes with an erection in your pants. She could only figure it would be rather painful, still though.. She couldn't help but be amused and chuckle watching him struggle to get the discarded clothes from last night.

"Yeah, ya have a good laugh because ya won't be seein' much of it for the next few days" it sounded a bit in spite, but it was formulated in a joking manner. However it did pull her back to reality again, she would probably leave him soon.. Find Sam. She sighed.  
And as Higgs went for a shower. She got up to put on her sweater and her pants. Looking around the shelter, curious to know if it had a coffee maker. She found none however and sighed even harder. How was she going to survive the morning without coffee? It's absolutely ridiculous how dependent one can become on something. 

She huffed, should she join Higgs in the shower? Nah, too far. She did it before, but.. Different situation different response..   
He not only had a tight leash on her, but also their relationship, or rather dynamic in general. A true puppet master.  
How would you even start to get away from someone like that? Not that she wanted to at this point, she was far too curious where it would take her. That and much like he threw back at her; the want to feel.  
Bad or good.

In a way she was the perfect target and the perfect comrade. Flexible but still with a spine, someone that wasn't truly shaped by others, but the one person. That's little to no experience at all, he could potentially complete shape her. And she didn't even realize, she was by no means capable to stand up to this person. Who was miles further than she was. He had more years on this globe than her, that is for sure.   
He had seen all sides of the spectrum, good people, bad people. And formed his own personality based on those experiences.  
Sylf had Eden.. And Higgs. She had zero chance.

Sylf had turned to the wall on the left that had open spots on it, hearing Higgs step back into the shelter's room behind her. Completely dressed and geared up, hood still down though.  
She cocked a brow at him in question, then looked at the monitor, seeing the time, it wasn't just morning. It was afternoon.  
A sadness overcame her when she looked back at Higgs, he could tell she was everything but excited, but to him it just meant she was scared of carrying the cargo. Unbeknownst she just didn't want to leave Higgs at this point.

"It'll be over before ya know it. Bomb's secure i promise." when he said that he caught the confusion on her face, oh did she forgot?

"right.." She was pulled back to earth even more and started rummaging through her rug sack she discarded on the cot. Taking out the bridges uniform and making it ready. He watched her and he slowly caught on, surely she didn't forget about the thermo-bomb but.. The lights turned on even more. And the more he thought about it all, the less it made sense. For him it was a foreign thing or concept that someone would be sad to, well not be by his side.. He just shrugged it off as his game working as intended and walked back to the monitor, sitting down.

"get ready and we'll leave in a lil' while."

She merely nodded in the background, not answering is an answer by itself and she got into her bridges suit. Tying her hair back like every normal person would. Just get it out of the way and then started on her boots.  
After a short while she was done and glanced over to Higgs, he was still ticking away on the keyboard. She sighed and stood up, just ready to get it over with. She hated the waiting part more probably.  
He turned in the desk chair towards her and raised his brows, she was basically up and ready. He took the hint and got up as well. 

"pouch an' pack anything you may need, i'm takin the rug sack back to camp." he said as he walked out into the hall. She nodded again, following him.   
He made a stop in one of the rooms and brought back out a small container, handing it over to her "Cryptobiotes, pretty much all ya need." he also followed it up with a big bottle of water.   
She stored all of it in one of her pouches and then he motioned for her to go ahead and walk out, he'd be right behind anyway. She was rather glad to be out in the fresh air again, hearing the sand and stones under her boots.   
In the corner of her eye was their truck, but her eyes were fixated on the view. It wasn't the best, but it was pretty damn good after the enclosed walls she spend time in.

Higgs came up behind her with a secured briefcase in hand. She looked over to it, noting it was probably the bomb and bit her lip.   
He nodded over to her for her to get in the truck and she nodded back softly at him. Getting in on the passenger seat and he moved to the driver's side. Setting the cargo behind the seat as he got in, closing the door and starting the truck. He looked over to her before he drove off.

"Ya know what to do?" he asked, eyeing her over. Seeing her process what she has to do, before finally nodding to him. She did her seat belt and Higgs took the hint to drive off.

It wasn't far to begin with, Lake Knot was literally right there. Where she at a few points was hoping to run off to. And now seeing how pointless that would be.  
Seeing how they only had pizza the day before, she curiously reached into one of her pouches to bring the container out. Looking inside and taking a Cryptobiote between her fingers. Closing the container.  
She frowned at the little thing, it would really be the last thing she'd want to eat. But she did knew of them, quite nifty stuff though. She hesitantly brought it to her mouth and started chewing on them. She pulled a face and squinted her eyes as she ate.

She heard Higgs chuckle beside her and again she wanted to punch him, she shelved the urge for now. One day she would go that far.  
Roughly swallowing down the Cryptobiote. She looked out the window and as they turned onto the road, there it was. Lake Knot. Also looking behind them to see anyone or anything, no porters on the road however. It was quiet as usual.  
Then she looked back over to Higgs, she couldn't help but ask the question everyone must be thinking. And as they slowed down, she went for it.

"What's with the raccoon eyes by the way?" 

He grinned "why do people wear hats?" 

"well.. Because they're pretty?"

"Ye but.. No. Why do people really wear hats?"

"Oh! To protect their faces from the sun?"

He nodded "exactly."

"so... You wear black around your eyes, because of the sun? I fail to see the logic in that"

He stopped in front of Lake knot on the road, turning to Sylf "maybe." he reached behind, taking the precious cargo, he sat it down on Sylf's lap. She gulped.

"Don't fuck this up" he snickered and then nodded towards the main entrance to Lake Knot. Time to go.  
She bit her lip looking at Higgs, swallowing down whatever protest she wanted to do. Reaching for the door handle he stopped her "ya hear? Remember, we meet at Cosplayer" again she nodded. She simply didn't know what to say and got out of the truck, along with the briefcase.   
She started walking into the city 'gates' after closing the truck door. Seeing the center the closer she got. Briefcase in hand rather than on her back, she looked over her shoulder. Higgs was still there parked. Was he waiting for her to go in? Or.. Make sure she would?

Either way she wasn't about to betray him right in front of his face that's for sure. When she had to cut a corner however is where he lost sight on her. She heard the truck drive off and she walked into the main center, slowly descending down.


	18. Tonight, tonight, tonight.

Sylf had walked around on Lake Knot's base, relaxing and enjoying the wind. The 'cargo' safely on her lap as she sat against a random wall of the building.  
The air had gotten a lot darker in the meantime and she decided it was time to walk back inside, briefcase in one of her hands. She could either run into Sam now, or he would drop in later. Either way, he had to accept the order or her mission would fail. And she was to bring it to him personally.  
As she slowly descended down again she scanned the building. There was indeed a man standing near the terminal, was she wandering off for that long? She damn near missed out on him, perhaps.. If she wasn't paying attention properly.

When she got down she made sure the person in question was indeed, Sam. Only seeing his back for now, it did seem similar to the suit Sam was wearing, it must be him. The man had a short pony tail and once she could make out more she noticed the BB pod. Yep must be him.  
She bit her lip and decided to go for it, putting on her best poker face. She just hoped Sam wasn't so good at catching onto things, not like Higgs..

"Sam!" she called out, she acted a little bit out of breath as if she just got there. She walked up behind him.  
Sam seemed to tense as he turned around, unsure who she was for a second until the memory came back to him, the newbie at weather station.  
He didn't say anything, he just nodded to her in a polite manner and gave her a short welcoming smile.

"I'm glad i caught you here, there's cargo someone entrusted me to give to you" She wasn't sure if going straight for the point was the best way to go, but to force small talk and be nice seemed even more fake to her.

"What?" Sam seemed clearly confused.

"I was to take it here, have it processed for delivery to South Knot city... But now you're here. They don't trust it to anyone else"

There was something about his face that made her hesitate, either he was wondering why, or he didn't buy her story. She didn't exactly rehearse this either.. Maybe she should have.

Biting her lip again "Ehm, I'd do it myself but.. I'm new, they asked for you. And I've got somewhere to be" with that, she hoped he wouldn't press the matter to have her tag along. Even though Higgs mentioned to bring it up if he seemed skeeved out.

Sam looked to the terminal briefly, then back to Sylf, contemplating. Clearly there was no order or any mention of this on Bridges's terminal. But maybe it slipped through the cracks? Surely that happens? He found it unlikely. But before he could say anything, Sylf opened her mouth again.

"I'll go with you.. If- I mean. I promise it's legit"

Fuck, why'd she have to go and say that. She could read the doubt on Sam's mind. 

"Sure." he walked over to her and took the briefcase from him, she was almost shocked he complied. His face told her something else entirely.

And as Sam went to place the cargo onto his back Sylf slightly jumped "please, it's fragile." she bit her lip again.

Sam nodded and waved it off, he was used to carrying worse. He secured it safely onto his back and then turned to Sylf, he also had accepted some other cargo and eyed her over.

"What's your stop?" he asked. But when she tried to think of another shelter instead of Cosplayer, she drew a blank.. She had never gone that far. 

"Uhm, i don't.. I'm home-bound after.."

He nodded to that and then started walking, she followed suit. She already from the get go learned that Sam wasn't used to company much. He was rather silent and peacefully walking along the road as they went outside of Lake Knot.  
She wasn't sure what to say, she just felt the need to say SOMETHING. 

"So, you got any advice for new colleagues?" she fidgeted as she now tried to match Sam's speed better, catching up to him and walking along side him.

"what?" he responded as if he didn't hear her, much like her, he gets lost in thought. It was probably the job, the solidarity. 

"Tips... Like, for new bridges members"

"None other than always bring tools, work on your strengths." She was a bit puzzled at the advice and he could tell "if you're not a climber, bring ladders a-plenty"

"ah. I guess I don't know how to deal with MULEs" 

"Yeah they don't teach you that at the interview" 

Was that a joke? It seemed like a joke. She couldn't tell but she chuckled anyway, he said it so dry-ly. 

"just run. My advice, you could easily outrun them. Certainly if they carry more than you.. And they're armed, it's heavy. Outweigh their strengths to yours." he spoke in such a peaceful manner, yet so detached sounding. It was an odd in between she couldn't place, every man she had met in her life was so vastly different from the other.  
The Protector, the Sadist and the Calm.  
She heard some soft sounds coming from Sam, it sounded like.. A baby's babbling? Sam had stopped in his tracks and he was glancing down. Sylf stopped as well and looked as Sam unhinged the BB from his front to look a the BB pod better. He smiled and rocked the thing back and forth.  
She could see an outline as the glass had turned clear, seemingly without thinking twice about it her body moved close to Sam, standing next to him to see.  
Sam immediately picked up on her presence, but he didn't back away. Realizing she just wanted to take a better look at the BB pod. She never quite had the chance to see Higgs's.. Or, it never even went clear to see.

"So cute" Sylf noted and Sam smiled to her, then back to the BB pod.

"his name's Lou" Sam answered, the baby; Lou seemed genuinely responsive to anything Sam did, soft baby laughter coming from the pod. "Someone's happy"

Lou looked around them, seeing Sylf standing next to Sam. The baby raised its hand to her, pointing a finger and making a foul face. It seemed so ominous to Sylf but Sam started laughing, he probably thought it was funny. Sylf huffed, trying not to take it personally.  
Lou's gaze went straight back to Sam.

"wow.. He only sees you, you're probably his world" she smiled again when looking at the small infant in the pod. Sam looked at Sylf briefly and then back to Lou. 

"we're a team" he then answered and put the BB pod back to its original place. Sylf nodded to that, continuing their steps.

They walked in silence after that, a good few hours as they covered ground. At some point they went to off-road, circling around a mule camp. As seeing with this cargo, they'd rather not run or fight for it. Worst come to worst. And Sylf knew best of the two, the cargo was not to be messed with.  
So they partly went through the side of the mountain, going through Engineer first and headed onward for Elder.  
At some point Sylf asked Sam for a small breather so they could sit, she saw a timefal shelter nearby and took her chance at it. And as they sat against the main support of the shelter Sylf had taken out one of her water bottles. Taking small sips of water, she then turned her head seeing Sam stare at her. She put the cap back on the bottle. Raising a brow at him.

"Hold on. Your last name is Ayae?" he asked and for a moment she froze, not answering. She couldn't remember if she gave him her last name, either way. If she did would he still even remember it, secondly why would it be important?

"yes..?" she pocked the water bottle again.

"I've met someone with the same last name, i didn't really think about it until now, I forgot his first name but. You two do look alike, you family?"

Sylf's heart sank, she just blinked at him and merely.. Without even realizing herself, her lips moved, sound came out and she spoke his name "Eden"

"that's it" he eyed her more closely, noting how her face dropped "Oh.. I'm sorry, you don't get along?"

She finally snapped to her senses, mentally slapping herself to calm down and keep her composure "ah, yes.. It's my brother"

"so you both work for Bridges separately? I didn't catch much, he was in a rush seemingly looking for someone."

Again the words rang through her, pounding her heart back up to its previous position. Like a jojo, playing with her feelings. He was looking for someone.. For her? 

"I uh, we lost touch sort of.. " she didn't know what else to say. But why join Bridges?

And that's when it started to sink in.. Why? It would make sense for someone to join Bridges, make use of their spectrum of information. Places, packages. Maybe? It was a far shot, but it's something Sylf would think about if she lost Eden.. Aside from returning to their home. to find a trace of someone, a mere speck that they have touched that specific place.. A means to a trail to find them. 

"Will you excuse me for a moment?" she couldn't even properly say it or she had already stood up and walked away from Sam. Going for a part where there were boulders to count on your fingers, privacy.. Now. She needed it.  
And when she found it, she hunched down, back against a boulder and gripping her chest tightly with her arms. She bit her lip and short after came the tears. She tried to minimize any sounds of sobbing, the ones that did come through she tried to hide against her knees.

Higgs.  
The chance that he had set this up, is so high. What he said to her at the station... He knew she would read her brothers name. Was there even ANY point of her going there, except for that? Was she just paranoid for thinking it?  
Or was Higgs actually that .. calculating?  
She then got even more upset with the fact that she so blatantly fell for it. She knew her brother better than him, surely she should have known the man was lying to her?  
No, she was simply too naive. Whatever spell Higgs had cast on her, it sank so deep it was just too easy to believe. Added with her own suspicions that Eden was pulling away from her, for whatever reason.  
In hindsight that could've been anything. Maybe he received news that had -nothing- to do with her, nothing at all relating to her why he would be more quiet than usual. Or keep to himself. Humans are such complex beings, it cant just be a mere assumption. But.. She willingly ran with it anyway. Willingly into Higgs arms.

She whispered his name, reminded of the mission. Sighing she looked down to her hands, the top, to her fingers. The moles she shared with Eden, the little things that tied them together. They were the same hands, but hers. Albeit much smaller.  
She could seek solace in Sam... Maybe? Go back to Eden, surely he could make that happen? Sam seemed so important to Higgs for one, he must mean something to the company, carrying a BB like that.. He was important.

She couldn't even decide if she wanted to, was she that wrapped up in his game that she wanted to continue playing? Was she oblivious, unable to shake it? Or did she actually -want- him?  
There was a huge part of her, instinctively leaning towards reconnecting with her brother. The small Sylf inside, deep down. That knew that the feeling of danger was all around her, with Higgs, that's all she would find. But, another part of her craved him all the same.

She stood back up, the time she was gone she could easily rub off as a toilet break if needed. Embarrassing or not. She started walking back to Sam to the shelter and nodded over to him, for sure she had had her breather now. And she watched him stand.

"are you okay?" he asked, she wanted to scream no. Seek the solace, but her captive heart wouldn't let her. 

"Yes... I got to ask though.. Do you have any info on my brothers where-abouts?"

Sam shook his head and they started walking again, onward to Elder "No but.." he paused and looked at Sylf. "I'm going to make a stop at the distribution center.. You can check there, that's also where we part ways"

She seemed a bit weary now "sure, but why? Don't like the company?"

"Not used to it no, that's not why. I've got something i gotta do there." he didn't seem purposefully vague, but he was vague nonetheless. Much like the same kind of response she had gotten at Lake Knot. The hesitation about the cargo.  
Whatever it was, she wasn't too unhappy about parting ways there. She had a decision she had to make.. In the meanwhile.

\--

The two had made a stop at Elder, deciding to take a few hours of sleep there as they would descend down the small mountain towards the center.  
Almost a day had passed and aside from small banter they didn't exchange much. It seemed like Sam was even more weary of her now. Distant, on guard.

A few hours later they arrived at the distribution center. And as they walked down into the building Sam walked to the terminal, he placed some cargo he had accepted to go here onto the conveyor belt.  
Of course not the briefcase, that was still safely tucked on his back.

"you can request to talk to someone on the terminal, i'm going to my quarters to rest.. I'll see you around Sylf" Sam called out to her as she headed for the terminal as well and Sam went for the platform to go down.

She couldn't even get a decent response back to him, she watched him go down and gave him a simple wave, hoping he would see.  
He did, not much of a response she got though.  
She sighed and turned to the terminal now, going through orders and seeing if Eden's name even pops up. Even if she has to go back a week, which... Is a long time, when porters come and go with orders.  
She couldn't help but feel a bit weirded out by her and Sam's exchange. Now that the 'mission' was over, as easy as it seemed. It took almost more than a full day, she should be relieved. Relieved to be free to go back to her original plans, back to Higgs.

But then.. Also the painful realization that she had led Sam to his death. She bit her lip.. If she stopped him, there was hell to pay.  
But he didn't deserve this.. But maybe he caught her. Somewhere deep down she hoped that was the case for his weird behavior, knowing she had given him something -wrong-. Something 'off record'.. And how unsafe it truly is.  
It wasn't up to her anymore, if Sam knew. Nothing she could do about it now, nothing Higgs could do to her for it, right? She did her part.

Frustrated, sighing, she rubbed her face and finally went through the files and surely there was his name. He had left some traces. But more importantly.. She found a package that was send here. With no other point of delivery after that, except it was marked for pick-up.  
For Sylf Ayae.  
She gulped and accessed the file, the order much rather. It was protected behind a password and she frowned, did he lock that himself?  
It does seem like a smart thing to do, in case someone had done something to her. They wouldn't have acces files associated to her.  
Smart move. 

But now she had to guess the password. She groaned and sighed again. Trying to reach the deepest parts of her brain to think of something they shared, only they both would know. No names, not their parents, not any addresses or dates.. Nothing that's on record.  
And then it dawned on her, one of the only things she knew about Eden.. Was his music taste, rock, metal mostly. And one band he would always listen to, was System of a Down. The only reason she would remember that is because their parents would never allow Eden to listen to such 'hellish music'.. They were rather religious. So, he would listen to it in secret... Did he have a favorite song? Surely.

She could remember the song, the name, but the spelling was lost on her. Aerials.  
She tried multiple times in different ways, until she finally cracked it. She was right, it was the song. And like that, she was in.  
She pressed confirm on it's delivery and soon enough a small little box. Her heart dropped again.. She stared at it for a good while before she finally took it from the belt. Holding it to her waist, she started to open it. Looking into the box for its contents. There was a heart shape stone in it. And a small note, she took the note out first and read.

'Come back to me.  
Lab'

She frowned and then took the stone heart out. Eyeing it over, turning it around, scanning it for further clues bot nothing. That's all she had, the words he. A heart.. And Lab.  
Annoyed she put the contents back in the box, putting it on the conveyor belt. She wasn't going to need it, all she needed to know was in that box. Nothing too complicated to not remember. She couldn't be walking around with something Higgs was going to ask questions about. Unwanted questions.  
She had the order recall through the terminal, marking it for destruction for parts. She sighed again and pushed away from the terminal. Looking up and out of the building, seeing heavy timefal now. Another sigh came out of her. It was a bit odd to her that she didn't see it coming, or rather feel it. Normally she would feel any kind of warning. Unwanted or not.  
She checked the time, it was nearing midnight.  
She had two days of time to reach cosplayer, so she had time to sleep if she wanted to. Which seemed like a better idea and avoid some of the horrible weather conditions. She leaned back into the terminal, checking to see if there were any rooms available, seeing as she was 'Bridges'.  
There were and she retrieved a code card for one to enter the platform to go below ground. 

This was one of the few times where she was truly alone again.. Again? She was never really alone, not even with Eden. But that was a situation different entirely. She took the uses of the accommodations by getting showered and freshened up. Getting the rest she wanted, sleeping a decent 7 hours.  
The remaining time in the room she spend thinking about what Eden had send her, what it meant. Surely he was referring to a place, where they could meet. She just couldn't recall anything related to a heart.. Or a lab, she just hoped it would come to her in due time.  
She had also opted to read a few magazines that were left by other people, instead she bagged them for later. Selfishly taking them with her. Who has time to read anyway right? She does that's for sure. That and she didn't really care.  
When she was completely done she geared back up to go outside. Taking the same way she came down, the platform. And as she went up bright beams from outside shined into her face. She squinted and once she was up, stepping off the platform.  
She hesitated about checking on a reverse trike.. Even when she had never driven one herself, it would make her journey much faster, also a bit safer if she got chased... You never know. Then there is of course the big possibility of her being a terrible driver and fucking it up.  
She decided to check anyway.  
Going for the terminal again and seeing if any porters left any available, to her surprise.. There were so many you could fill the entire upper level. Again with a bit of hesitation, she confirmed to have one come up. And so she waited as the platform did it's mery-thing.

Walking over to it to grab the handles, she stood beside it and bit her lip. "oh for fuck sake" she groaned to herself "live a little"  
And with that her mind switched to zero, deciding not to overthink it. She swung her leg over the reverse trike and started it up, remembering small things Higgs told her, swaying your weight and all that. She put her one boot on the side of the trike.. And started to drive.  
It was a bit wobbly at first, but in this position, she couldn't fall off. In this drive it had the two wheels and she drove up the ramp, outside.  
Letting the wind blow through her hair, carefully turning to go left once she made it outside. Not wanting to drive into any other porters, you never know. She stopped when she saw someone standing next to the road.  
She didn't know why, but something compelled her to stop. She looked over to the person, they were wearing all black. No gear on them and a goofy looking umbrella. Sylf slightly frowned as their eyes met. Being a bunch of meters separated from another, still.  
It was a woman. With short blonde hair, she looked alarmed at first. But the woman's expression softened and walked Sylf's way.  
This is where Sylf gripped the handles on the trike harder, she wasn't about to get blindsided by a random stranger, not when she was this close to finishing her mission.

The woman stopped in front of her, eyeing Sylf over. She dropped the umbrella, seemingly shaking.. No, vibrating. It wasn't but that's the best way Sylf could describe what it looked like.

"You came with Sam" she spoke, her voice was so soft and gentle. With a slight accent to it, french?.. Perhaps.  
Sylf didn't know what to do, just eyeing her over.  
It seemed like the only answer the woman needed.. And then Sylf was met with a sad expression from her. She knew.  
Sylf didn't know what this meant, but she knew. She could feel it. And before the woman could say anything else, possibly to explain what happened last night. So she feared, she revved the trike's engine.

"I'm sorry, i really have to go" she almost stuttered. She couldn't know, whatever this woman would tell her. If she was connected to Sam, surely her being here was no coincidence, not after what Sylf just dropped off into his lap. Whatever it was, if the woman would merely speak the words, this was over. Higgs had eyes, everywhere and she was so scared.  
The woman didn't even try to stop her, immediately she nodded. Still with a worried look on her face, but.. Almost as if she understood.  
Saying it irked Sylf was an understatement. But Sylf wasn't going to linger around, she wanted to get the hell out of there. She gave gass again, this time for real and drove away from the stranger. Not bothering to look behind her...


	19. Vampire on my fridge.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I PUT THE CHAPTER SUMMARY INTO THE CHAPTER ITSELF, i felt it was important to add and it didnt fit into this box. ♥ only this one time i swear.

((First and foremost of all: i love you, please be safe during these times. I don't think i need to explain what i'm talking about.  
And like many others, i'm extremely anxious about it. Meaning that writing is hard.. Saying that kinda feels like an understatement. It's either the perfect thing to distract, or the worst. So i'm picking my battles and write when i feel it helps.  
Anyway. I'm sure theres plenty of you who are just as scared. And this platform ain't for this but i wanna say this anyway; We're not ok, but we WILL be ok.  
As long as we practice hygiene and the rules given to us we WILL be fine. It might get a little worse before it gets better, but it WILL. Now more than ever do we need to be kind to one another, respect and give the space required to not get ill. Don't alienate. Find something that works for YOU to keep you busy and distracted, make a small shedule every day. After a while this will all become just a mundane way to go about your day.   
And before we know it, everything is back to normal.  
Tip: avoid the bad news, educate yourself but do not needlessly cause stress on your system. Also try to really focus on the positive that's going on right now. The good things coming out of this.  
I didn't need to write this, it's redundant. You've heard this before, but. Knowing myself? I know i need a message like this sometimes, to know i'm not alone. I hope this will do the same for you.   
The fact even but one person for examp reads this deprived nonsense, that's honestly pretty awesome. Ty from the bottom of my heart.  
Back to the main topic; this is a short chapter that will be directly continued into the next chap.

Again, i love you all, stay safe. We can do this.))

\----

CHAPTER 19: 

The drive she had was pretty steady, at some point she dared switch to the second drive. Going much faster, she grinned from ear to ear when she got the hang of it. Still following the road, which made it a lot less scary. She had gone through some rougher terrain with Higgs, when she was merely in the back and that was scary enough.   
But this, she could get used to.  
If Higgs ever let her...

Which just reminded her again. Luckily, as she just absent minded went for Cosplayer. What he told her to do, like a good girl.  
But on the other hand what could she do? She had no options, she had one. To go another way, run, magically find out what Eden meant in his message. Which, she had no idea. She would run in circles, chasing a dead trail. And then Higgs would catch up to her, she didn't even want to imagine what would happen to her from there.  
So this was the plan, she goes back to Higgs. Ride it out, rethink the plan... Could she even still trust him after what she just learned? Did she ever trust him?  
She did think to some degree she did, or she just really wanted to. Hold on to something that isn't real possibly..  
Yet she still found herself wanting to chase it. Maybe he would open up to her?  
The words were gullible, but as they rang through her head. To her it was just hoping. To her it didn't seem impossible at all.  
So.. She would bide her time.

And as she came to a conclusion after the debate in her head, she relaxed more. Enjoying the ride and the sounds of nature, aside from the noisy trike. Being a bit of a speed demon herself and cutting some nasty corners. The fear of falling off, or driving into a terrible accident had started to fade completely. Replacing it with a thrill, excitement. She stepped up the gass again and after a while she came to a point of no return. The road stopped.. And the terrain was -not- suitable for a trike at all. Many rocks and whatnot, requiring her to climb a fair bunch.  
She sighed and put the trike to the side of the road. Off the way for other porters driving. Who knows, it might save someone else in need of a hurry.  
She abandoned the trike and jumped down onto the terrain, from there she started rummaging through her pouches, for one for a quick snack. The so lovely bugs filled with so much nutrition she already started to hate. But she had to admit, it was easy.   
Eventually she found what she was looking for, a map. Something she figured Higgs, or rather anyone would include in a standard issue Bridges suit. She tracked the road she had followed up to her, pinpointing her location and then looking for a road towards Cosplayer.   
She would have to cross some water, walk a small hour, maybe more and she should be close.   
She pocked the map in one of her more accessible pockets and started her walk.. And climb. And surely after a while, she reached the river. Looking around for a way to cross, she noticed a ladder crossing along a few rocks. Perfect.  
Probably left by other porters, she walked over to it. To her right she could see the horizon, nothing but open vast space. She figured that's where the river ended.. And where the waterfall would be, the one thing she wanted to see.  
She carefully crossed the ladder over the water. Finding a way across, sadly not without getting a bit wet.   
There was a bit more of a path now, walking along it and every once in a while grabbing the map for reference. Cosplayer was to her left now, however she didn't see anything that looked like a shelter. Nothing. It was seemingly empty here.   
Only sounds of a big waterfall int he near distance. She rubbed her eyes and scanned the area. Wiping some sweat from her forehead, she glanced over towards where the waterfall was. She could vaguely make out a black figure.  
She squinted. And when it moved, it flashed bright gold flares. Making her turn away.   
It was Higgs, the gold reflecting off the back of his cloak. 

It has to be. She took a deep breath, knowing there was no point of return now.   
She wondered if he was proud of her, in the slightest.. Being so loyal. Her feet moved on her own, towards Higgs, towards the waterfall.  
Higgs had turned his back to her again once she started walking and when she got closer to him, she slowed down. Almost careful. After all this time, knowing what she knows.. She was a bit scared. Trying not to show it.. But also she was just, oddly happy. Or feeling excited to see him again. 

Sylf walked up behind him, he was as close to the edge of the waterfall as he could possible be. She didn't dare to stand beside him, but she looked at the water. The sound was so loud now, almost deafening. But not in a painful way.   
Higgs turned slightly and held out his hand.   
She bit her lip, hesitantly taking the gloved hand, he squeezed hers and pulled her closer. To stand next to him and she held her breath. Closing her eyes.   
He chuckled audibly, his hand moving from her wrist to her arm, more so 'grabbing' her. So she would feel more stable.  
Eventually she dared to open her eyes, looking down, seeing the water hit rocks on its way into the river below. It was so beautiful, so intimidating and made her feel so smal. And beyond that was one of the most beautiful views she had ever seen. Land, the ocean.  
Her lips parted and she took a deep breath in, smiling softly and looking to Higgs now. Meeting his eyes from under the cloak's hood. 

"ya got here awfully fast Wallably.." he finally said, his voice a bit raised to compete with the waterfall.

She sighed.. "It's done, i took a trike to cut some time"

At that he seemed genuinely surprised "you?.. Drove here?" he raised his brow and she smirked at him "well i'll be damned."

He pulled away from her now, leaving her at the edge, he only took a few steps away. Letting her stand by herself "Don't think ya need me... So, Sam got the cargo?"

Sylf felt a bit unsteady without Higgs's support, but managed "yes.. We parted ways at the distribution center.."

Higgs seemed pleased with the information, eyeing her over as she stepped into his space. Stepping onto a small rock in front of him, so they were the same height. Almost. Fidgeting with her fingers underneath the golden collar part of the man's cloak.   
Looking him in the eyes.. A wave of warmth went through her, from her head to her toes. A feeling she couldn't describe other than love, some kind of love. The urge to touch and want.   
Higgs was rather unreadable as always, but he wasn't turning her away either. Or shoo-ing her off. He kept his composure. Did he remember her reward? Did it even still count..?  
She wasn't going to ask the question, but rather leaned into him and pressed her lips to his. He didn't back out of it, no struggle. She felt almost relieved the feel the beard hairs prickle at her face again.  
Something that should annoy her, but somehow she grew to like.. As it was -him-. 

Instinctively she wrapped her arms around his neck, dragging the hood down with it. He responded to her, his arms moving around her waist. Instead of taking the lead like he did last time, he let her explore, he responded to her nonetheless. Still he was the first one to ask for acces into her mouth. She didn't even hesitate and their tongues met again.   
Humming into his mouth, the grip around his neck grew tighter before slipping down. Putting her small hands on each side of his face. Feeling the skin of his cheeks with her thumbs, until she found more beard hairs. She pulled back from the kiss slightly but smiled onto his lips.  
She wanted this...  
She must've gone completely mad.

Trailed off, Higgs gave her waist a slight squeeze. Bringing her back to earth and she eyed him again. Still smiling. He seemed a tiny bit awkward but then softly let her go. She still held on however. 

"What now boss?" she asked teasingly.

"Now? Nothin'... You're technically of no use to me, except for your timefal sorcery."

"You gonna discard me?"

He grinned, looking away before shaking his head. As always humoring the idea of leaving her hanging for even the slightest second. "I've got a better idea"

She raised her brows in question. He lifted her off the stone and stepped away from her "I've got some things i'd like to run by ya.. When we get back."

"And where's that? Camp..? Shelter?"

"The shelter.. But, i figured ya'd wanna enjoy the view?"

Sylf blinked twice, three times. ".. Have i ever told you i wanted to come here?"

Higgs grinned to her and then looked back over the waterfall, back to the distance "Who doesn't wanna see a waterfall? Ya wan'to enjoy it or not? Came all this way, askin' questions.."

Sylf stepped away from the rock to turn towards the water again, another question she wouldn't receive answers to. She looked over her shoulders simply eyeing him in question, she should be grateful she quessed. She turned her head back to the view, seeing a big farm in the distance.

"Higgs?" she called out to him, hearing him walk up behind her and stepping next to her beside the waterfall. "What's that over there?" she pointed to the farm she was looking at.

"Timefall farm. Big open plains, filled with our favorite people." with that he probably meant MULEs, or straight up terrorists. 

It started to make more sense to her now, the dynamic she was in. She used to not see much of a different between MULEs and terrorists. But she was slowly catching on.. If only she knew everything.  
For a while they stood silent, until Higgs to her surprise was the one to initiate a talk again.

"So, south knot city, goin' to the ground... How ya feel about that?" 

A cold shiver ran over her spine, she knew all this time what was going to happen. But for some reason it only really hit her now. Like some forsaken reason she tucked it away, not to think about it. She never gave him any fuss either, only that she was scared to carry something so dangerous.  
The question hit her like bricks, she didn't knew what to answer. Had she overnight become okay with terrorism? If only she could be with Higgs? What on earth was wrong with her.. Surely she wasn't that cold. But it did make her wonder.

"I don't know what to feel.. Why would you do it?"

"It's not what i asked but.. Politics" he answered dry-ly. Again the tone by itself, not a single worry in the sky.

She scowled and crossed her arms. Looking over to her left now, where South Knot city should be. If not covered in heavy fog. 

"Then, i feel nothing.."

Deep down though.. She knew nothing was going to happen. The way Sam looked at her as he went down into his private room. The look the stranger gave her on the side of the road. South Knot City wasn't going to burn.. But, for the longest time it was going to. And she didn't even think about the lives it was going to cost, not once.

Higgs stepped up closer to her, noting her face which didn't have much emotion, it shouldn't be hard for him to assume she had become a stone cold killer much like himself. But that would be too easy.   
She eyed him closely as he now stood in front of her, dangerously close to the edge of the rocks. He towered over her as he always did and looked down to her Bridges suit. 

"What are ya not tellin' me though?" he brought his eyes back up to hers now, she couldn't really read his face. Other than she felt dread looming inside of her.

"Nothing, i just feel nothing, i'm sad people are going to die but.. i don't kno-" she was cut off as Higgs slid his gloved hand under her chin. Long fingers gripping at her throat. It wasn't hard, but there was a defined pressure.

"Are you sure?" he asked again. And as the fingers held on more strongly, making their grip tighter around her neck, she felt her airflow become less. Instinctively bringing her hands up to grip his wrist. 

"I did what you asked me to" the looming dread turned to adrenaline rushing through her as the hold became tighter, the more she said things he didn't want to hear. Was he just bluffing? She didn't dare to find out.

"I- i saw a woman" she finally said when she felt the last bit of her airway tighten up. Higgs thumbed the skin under her jaw as he softly let go. Sylf however still held on to his wrists. He didn't say anything, his face was stern. Urging her to continue.

"She was dressed in black, blonde hair.. Short, i don't know what you want" she stuttered almost. And she finally let go of her throat entirely, making her gulp harshly and she touched at her skin as he pulled away entirely.   
He seemed really annoyed with that, but still.. It was something he wanted to hear. She just hoped it was enough. 

"What did she say?"

"N-nothing just, she noted i came with Sam, that was all. I think she was just confused or wondering who i was.."

"Okay." Higgs still didn't seem too pleased. But it was enough for now. He stepped away from her, walking down the rocks. He didn't say anything but she assumed she had to follow.   
Now she just felt stuck with this pit in her stomach, he damn near choked it out of her, but she never liked having to give him news he didn't want to hear. Or whatever it could be to upset his mood, like she was somehow the reason for it. Even when if she thought about it clearly, it was no one's fault.   
Still she chased...  
She hopped behind Higgs to try and keep up to him.

"Where are we going?"

"The shelter, where did you park the trike ya had?" he stopped momentarily.

"a little ways ahead.. Where the road ends."

And as she said it, he started to make way. With her behind him.  
They didn't speak on their way over to the road, Sylf could think of countless think she wanted to say, but she was too afraid something she would merely mutter would just set him off. But now she was left wondering who the woman was.. and what they really meant to Higgs.  
When they got to the trike stopped in front of it, looking behind him to see where Sylf was. Seeing her loyally still tagging behind, he sighed. Taking the trike's wheel hold it steady before climbing in. He looked back to her.

"If ya see her again.. Just avoid confrontation. She used to work with me, we don't anymore." when Higgs explained what was on her mind, she blinked a few times again but nodded. She figured that's all she needed to know. Or rather, that was all Higgs would have her know. And this was seemingly his way to bring an end to a topic he didn't want her to think about. 

But of course, she couldn't let herself.

She stepped up next to him "Are you afraid she's going to tell me something that will shock me so much i'll run?"

Higgs grinned at her now, again real close in her personal space as he leaned on the trike. For a moment, he had the typical conflict going on. Would he humor her bark? Or shut it down. 

"Isn't it more fun to find out?" this time he said at as a warning, choosing a mid-way.

"I was gonna say-.. I don't think anything she tells me can shock me the way you have already to begin with." she eyed him closely for a respond. Anything. He was a bit confused at first. But he could see what she meant.   
What he did to Fragile, though.. Was by far not as bad as what Sylf has endured this far.

"Whatever that is, whatever happened, is because she betrayed me. Don't do that. You'll be fine" he smiled again this time, getting on the trike and letting her do the same.   
She hopped on behind, this time not needing the help from Higgs. She wrapped her arms around him and crawled closer. Holding on for safety.  
She knew exactly what road Higgs would go for, she just hoped they wouldn't drive into Sam. Now that would bring a whole new meaning to awkward.  
\--

Even though it was a long drive on a trike, not having the comfort of a jeep to slouch into. Sylf was the luckier one being able to just lean onto Higgs, enjoy the ride.   
The air had become much darker, almost so it could nearly pass as a conventional night. After a few small hours they had made it all the way back to the shelter. The one where all of this began.   
Back in the sand and the rocks, however with how dark it was now it gave the sky a pinkish glow. And as she got off the trike she couldn't help but stare at it.   
Higgs had parked the trike next to the shelter and he already started walking inside. She guessed at this point he wasn't so scared of her running off anymore, then again this was sort of her test of trust. If anything, he did say he would try trusting her more.  
With that, she didn't want to push it even further. She walked in with a sigh after a short while, only to bump into Higgs as she went down the stairs, she almost fell over by the impact if he didn't catch her with his free hand.

"sorry" she said while looking at his other hand, it was carrying a blanket. "what's that?" 

"I figured ya.. May wanted to stay outside for a bit, got ya this" he offered her the blanket after she steadied herself again and looked at him, probably the most surprised she had ever looked at him.   
Then reached for the blanket in his hands, he gave it a light tug pulled her towards him. "I'm goin' to do a few things in the shelter.. When i get back out, ya're still here" 

She grinned at him and gave the blanket a tug herself, this time he let go. "yes sir" 

He grinned back at her and then walked back into the shelter.   
She tucked the blanket under her arm and walked outside. With a small smile on her face she set the blanket down in the sand, a little away from the shelter but still in sight. Just in a more prettier spot.   
She looked around, for some stupid reason to see if anyone was around even though the place was deserted. Then worked on the zipper on her bridges suit, to get out of it and set it aside. Underneath she only had leggings and a tank top on, socks.. She propped the suit under the blanket to create somewhat of a pillow. And then finally plopped down onto it.

She was on her back and stared into the sky, taking a deep breath and stretching. Yeah she could get used to this as well, you know.. Freedom. What she once had, in a perfect world she could mix that. And have Higgs be in it, but.. She knew that would be a cocktail with a bitter taste to it.  
The ground under the blanket wasn't exactly the most comfortable, but the nice view on the sky and the setting quite made up for it. It was getting a lot colder now however, whatever was left of the world's seasons. There was some change to it and soon it would be fall.  
It still didn't bug her, for now.

After a while she closed her eyes and just listened to the wind. Taking slow and small breaths. Her eyes shot open again however, the thought of what she went through yesterday shot through her mind.. And the aftermath. What happens when Higgs realizes South Knot City never went kaboom in the first place?   
She frowned to herself, it was technically none of her concern, whatever happens to the cargo afterwards that is. In her eyes she did her job.

When she heard footsteps she turned her head behind her, seeing Higgs walking up to her. In his usual more.. Well casual wear. Same boots as always, pants and a t-shirt. It was always much nicer to see him that way.   
She had to admit seeing him all geared up was still a sight to behold, but like this he just seemed like anyone else. Except, he wasn't.

"half expected to find ya asleep" he said as he noticed her looking over and as he walked up to the blanket, wanting to sit down she stopped him by slapping his knee.

"No shoes on the blanket!" she spat at him. A really, really old rooted habit of her as her brother would do the exact same thing. And it would annoy the shit out of her.

When Higgs saw her face turn sour again realizing her little outburst, he laughed. Luckily.. "Wel.. Would ya help me with my boots?"

She looked at him a bit awkwardly, but shuffled over to him. Sitting on her knees and leaning over to undo the laces on his boots. Taking some out and loosening them up, she reached for his ankle to have them slide off. Having him lift his foot to do so.  
He seemed rather impressed for some reason with her handiwork.

"Ya'd make a nice mom someday" he commented and once the boots were off, he sat next to her. 

The comment kind of took her by surprise, she set his boots aside from the blanket and scoffed. "I don't think i'd wanna put a kid through all that.."

Higgs seemed a bit confused with that at first, until she nodded towards the open plains, then she gestured to all around them. He figured what she meant, just this entire forsaken place in general.

"Surrounded by terrorists.. I don't know" she followed up, making Higgs smirk at her gesture.

"Got it." he mimicked what she did earlier, laying down on his back to look at the sky "what about a Bridge Baby however?"

She followed up, laying back down as well "What about it?"

"They're useful" when he realized the conversation was going down the baby route however, he decided for a different direction "Ya can't physically see BT's yourself.. Is what i'm sayin' "

She frowned a bit to herself, besides she had Higgs now. Assuming. Who could see them much better than the next person, and then some.  
She turned her head to Higgs now, who was still staring up at nothing. Biting her lip "is there anything you actually like...? Love for, or prefer?.. Aside from pizza"

She noticed his brows narrow a bit, unsure if he was thinking about it. Or just not wanting to talk about it, latter was more the kind she was expecting. But then he just kind of shrugged. Turning his head her way. It just made her sad, it was similar to how she felt. She didn't know, yet she loved the world around her. That was something, her brother..   
She shimmied closer to Higgs and put her palm on his forehead, fingers moving over the carved symbols on his skin.   
He gave her a look what she would call the 'don't ask' look, so she soft sighed. Letting that go. He didn't stop her however "is it nice to be touched at least?" 

Now Higgs rolled his eyes "I'm human.. I like to be touched"

Sylf snorted "ohh, so you -are- human." she gave him a side smirk and sat up, this time being a lot more bold in her ways and swung her leg over Higg's waist, sitting down on him. "I like to be touched too"

"Oh?" his hands automatically rose up to meet her thighs, she leaned back slightly, putting her hands on his knees to keep herself steady.  
His hands slid up higher and curled his fingers around the waist of her leggings, pulling them down over her hipbones, stopping to put his palms on her tummy. She slightly shuffled on him as it tickled. To which Higgs softly groaned in response.. And then she remembered the little quote from when they shared a bed together the first time, something about rustling his jimmies. Which just made her chuckle thinking about it.

She repeated the movements, albeit less clumsy. Rolling her hips onto the man's crotch and being rewarded with another soft groan. He sighed and put his head back onto the blanket, eyes closed and dipping his thumbs into her hips.  
Thinking about the days prior to her mission and how he spoiled her on the make-shift bed. Disregarding his own needs at that moment, to focus on hers. She grinned to herself, a bit nervous but also still wanting to return the favor.  
It was a mixture of curiosity and anxiety. And with all that, she wasn't aware she was staring straight down to his crotch for more than what seemed a short moment.

Higgs had caught up now and when Sylf 'came back to earth' she noticed he had been looking at her face, grinning "ya don' have to.. " 

She mouthed what seemed like "eghg" and pulled a face. Now that they had the time to spend, doing whatever. The fear came back, not having the soft buzz she had that night from a bottle of beer. It seemed more real this way, without it. Not just that.. The last time she caught a glance at his manhood it wasn't exactly a nice occasion.  
However hearing him say those words just now, was oddly soothing. And not something she could imagine coming out of his mouth.  
He started to sit up a little, his thighs lifting off the blanket which made her lean closer, he wrapped his arm around her waist. Forcing her body against his, she blushed deeply and hesitantly wrapped her arms around Higg's shoulders. She wanted to all kinds of things, touch and wander.. But unknown territory made her anxious.

In situations like this she was almost a computer unable to start up completely, going into a cycle of booting off and on. A mixture of embarrassment and sexual frustration. Something she couldn't seem to find a fine balance in. Which is something he started to learn by now... Maybe he could sway her, or keep her in the moment in other ways. So, he would experiment.

"Just relax, remember?" he insured her, she only nodded slightly. He was aware he was mostly to blame, not only was she already timid about a lot of things to begin with. Around him.. He had to go the full mile to fully, not only defile her but scare her to her boots. Which, in hindsight did get him to remain in control. Was it worth it?  
He started to roam his hands under her tank top, slowly lifting it. Exposing her skin to the chilly air and putting her hair on end. She shivered, even more when strong hands once more caressed over her ribs. She didn't know where to look, at him, at his hands... Or away.   
Again constantly being pulled in and out of the situation. She wanted so badly to give in to his spell.   
He pulled the tank top all the way off, dipping his head down to suck a now exposed nipple into his mouth. She outright jumped in his lap and he chuckled against her skin. Feeling her legs shake, her body jolt as sharp pleasure shot through her body at the sudden sensation. His hands were still on her sides, keeping her steady and in place.   
Then when she slightly relaxed he trailed his hands to hers, guiding her wrists down to his pants as he now softly kissed and sucked at her collarbone. 

He paused "need more words of encouragement?" 

When he called her out she blushed from ear to ear again, nodding faster. Anxious or not, this had to be the first time Higgs showed the restraint he did.. And seeing he's actually being very patient with her, it moved her. And she didn't want to let him down..


	20. Feel like dying.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another tough chapter to write and is why it took so long, hope ya'll enjoy tho ^^

chapter 20; feel like dying.

She worked on the buttons on his pants, being a bit clumsy with it. Fingers nervously prying at the fabric. Emitting a small 'careful' from Higg's throat. And as his pants sprung open he caught her lips in a kiss. Catching her off guard, almost immediately she was pulled as far into his spel as possible. The information about him not being too fond on kissing, so clearly in the back of her mind. She took immediate advantage and kissed him back deep, almost as if he knew she needed that last push. A last bit of reasurance that he isn't going to hurt her.

At least that was something that came natural now, her mouth knew what to do. Going with the motions and pace they set for one another. Higgs lightly tugged on her leggings but paused, wanting to get the restraints of clothes away from them. He broke the kiss to lay back down onto the blanket to shimmy out of his pants and underwear. It took Sylf by surprise and pulled her hands back, watching him slightly struggle she decided to help. Ignoring the very obvious semi-hard penis that was so horribly obvious in her face.   
Again nothing goes unnoticed by Higgs and as usual he just so badly loves to tease her, make her awkward, it's just too tempting. Too easy.

"They're quite ugly lookin' things arent they" joked to her, kicking the pants off with his socks. 

She blushed the deepest she had yet, by far. Shaking her head "I was more thinking intimidating.." she knew he was teasing.. But stil.

Moving along with him as now his t-shirt came off, both entirely naked exept for her leggings. Which Higgs was now turning his attention back to.  
She caught on quickly, getting off him to take the leggins down. She had seen Higgs naked, so many times by now. Still this was so weird to her, even more when she was just as exposed..  
This was no platonic shower. This was entirely different.

When she too was naked he pulled her back in, she continued "more like.. Distracting"

He snickered now "i suppose men feel the same way about your parts.."

The light, casual banter for some reason helped her stay relaxed as he pushed on. He had pulled her on top of him again, if that wasn't embarassing enough. So out in the open, so in view for him.   
And as she found her seat again, she felt his member nudged against her crotch. Sending chills up her spine, not the good kind, the anxious kind.   
Higgs could feel her muscles object on top of him, holding her back to his chest again, sitting up to embrace her. Leaning his head in close, he bumped the tip of her nose with his own. Just looking at her.  
She was slightly uncomfortable but smiled anyway, nodding to herself, trying to center her thoughts. Higgs had brought his hands back to hers, leading her and having her wrap her arms around his shoulders. Like before.

"It'll hurt less this way"

She eyed him, confused "what way?"

"On top, ya have more control" he answered, she leaned her forehead against his. Fingers trailing on his back. 

For some reason she felt so heavy, so aware of her body in such a bittersweet way. The electricity in her tummy told her to continue, her mind did not.  
Seeing as she needed more convincing, one of his hands trailed down, fingers tickling down her lower stomach she softly giggled, he smiled against her mouth. His lips trailing down along with his fingers. His palm on her mound, lips on her neck, he could feel her pulse rising fast.   
This was known territory for her, but instead of lingering to play with her like he used to. Fingers slipped past her folds and probbed at her entrance. In respond she held on tighter as the lean fingers slipped inside of her.  
Her inner walls were quick to respond to the sudden intrusion as well, squeezing down on his fingers and not yet in the way he wanted it to. She wasn't in any pain, it's just a foreign feeling, certaintly done by someone else.  
But as his fingers curled deeper inside of her, his palm flat for friction.. She started to warm up to it. Her own fingers traveling up his neck, curling her digits around the hairs on his nape. His mouth clasped down on her neck more, sucking in skin, scraping his teeth. Pulling soft embarassed sounds from her. She started to softly roll her hips onto his hand.

"c'mon i want to hear you.." she heard as a whisper against her skin, so close to her ear..

The comment took her by surprise, clasping down on his fingers with a soft mewl in respond. Sucking the digits in and her cheeks turned red once more. He pulled his head back and raised his brows, seeing what his voice sparked in her. He smirked. His lips brushing against her cheek.

"what kind of sound will 'ya make when i'm inside you"

She shivvered hard, whatever it was. The scare had long gone and she softly sighed as he withdrew her fingers from her. Feeling him throb underneath her, she started to turn into jelly. Softly panting in anticipation and arousal.

"Sit up a bit for me will ya" as he spoke his hand still traveled down, this time to hold himself as she complied. Holding onto his shoulders as she shifted, feeling the head of his cock tease between folds, she trembled again. The muscles in her thighs taught.  
His free hand rested on her hip, giving it a light squeeze before having her sit back down. Or rather, how far she could take it.   
She came to appreciate their position a lot more when she slowly sank on top of him, having some support on his shoulders and the control of her hips.   
His hand was simply holding onto hip, not guiding her and letting her figure it out. She bit her lip as he stretched her open, dropping her forehead to his shoulder. He could feel her put all her strength in her upper body to stay balanced. So he moved his hands under her thighs to help her out a little. Softly caressing the skin and moving to her ass, again lightly squeezing her.

It wasn't the scare anymore no, it wasn't her thinking back on what he did to her.. For her in this moment, that was a completely different person. Right now it was the slight pain as she adjusted to him, but by far not as overpowering as she had felt before... And yet, the pain was somewhat welcome. It was a strange feeling, she couldn't decipher it.

After a short while, fleeting moments.. She felt more confident to sit down, taking him in fully or as far as she could, she held her breath and could feel him doing the same. The arms she had around him gripped harder, fingers digging into his back, causing a small groan from Higgs.  
Her head was still on his shoulder, he brushed his against her. The stubble on his skin prickling on her cheek, it made her remember he was still there oddly. Of course he was, but she was so focused on herself.

"Move" he encouraged her on, she started to roll her hips in response. Hiding her face into his neck as she panted, still she couldn't relax fully. He could tell by the racing heart he felt against his chest.  
One of his hands caressing up her back as she grind against him, fingers grasping her by the hair, forcing her to tilt her head back. Attacking her neck and jaw with kisses and soft bites.  
The slight force made her roll her eyes back into her head, the feeling of teeth on her skin sending jolts down her body, she took him in even deeper. Forcing small groans from Higg's throat. And every so often, picking up the pace, wanting to take him deeper.  
Her arms started to relax, rather than holding for dear life, they were now clawing at his back in pleasure.

"let me hear you" he repeated and she wanted to shake her head, if she wasn't held by her hair. So he softly let go of her hair, moving to lay down on his back with a slight smirk on his face.  
The shoulders she was holding onto previously were gone, leaving her a little embarrassed and unsure what to do. Making his smirk even bigger, he pushed his hips up a tiny bit to bob her upward. To stay upright she put her hands on his chest. Picking the pace back up by rolling her hips, met by Higgs, moving along with her. And as he pushed deeper than before, she finally couldn't hold it in any longer, emitting soft moans as he bucked into her.  
Kneading the skin underneath her palms.. After a short while Higgs grabbed her by the waist, flipping them both over so he was on top. Letting Higgs take control.  
His elbow was right next to her and again she hid her face as he pushed back into her, causing another soft moan. Settling in and getting cozy between her legs, booping her cheek with his nose so she would turn her head. He catches her lips in a kiss and only then did he start moving, she moaned into his mouth. She was immediately rewarded with a throaty moan from Higgs, again she threw her arms around him, hands roaming his back, finding anything to hold on to as he started to plunge into her. No more of the slow, shallow pace.

It was like a light ignited inside of her, whatever he did, whatever angle. It clicked. And from there it almost seemed like he belonged there. She squeezed down on him hard, moaning out freely now. Met by his own shallow breaths and groans through his teeth. Breaking away from her lips. His forehead rested on hers, she only now opened her eyes and stared into his deep blue ones. Biting down on her lip as he continued to plow into her, she could feel her belly tighten up and started to squeeze him between her thighs. Holding him in place and as her nails started to dig deep into his flesh, he took it as a sign, his free hand moved down between them. Hand flat on her tummy as it wondered down to find her little nub, stroking her with his thumb. She closed her eyes as all she saw was stars from there. She arched her neck back and mewled out as she came undone underneath him. Clasping down on him with every way, around him, with her fingers, her thighs.   
His thrusts became more shallow, his muscles twitching as he followed her. His instinct told him to pull away from her, but he was locked in place by her legs. With a force that honestly surprised him, he came all the same inside her, groaning against her neck. Tensing completely before slowly relaxing on top of her.

Both out of breath, remained that way for a while. Her thighs started to relax and ease around him, so were her arms. To a point they both just dropped dead beside her.   
Higgs slowly retreated from her, still between her legs however he lifted his head and looked at her. 

"ya know.. " he started "maybe don't hold me in place next time.."

She sighed "pulling out doesn't work, you know."

"How'd ya even know?"

"I read" she reminded him, opening her eyes again now. She wasn't sure what kind of face he was pulling, he seemed surprised more than anything.

"What?" she raised her brows in question.

"So, ya knew but.. Okay" he smirked " weird lewd girl.."

He moved to get up but apparently Sylf didn't agree, putting her hands back on his neck. Giving him a look. He sighed with a soft smile, he wanted to say something but she wrapped her arms around him, pulling him into a tight embrace.  
What seemed like a cute gesture at first, he was slightly alarmed when he felt her arms tighten, her chest slightly heaving. He could swear she was sobbing.

"What's wrong?" his voice was calm, not cocky as usual. Not a single hint of teasing, it was all so surreal.

"I don't know" she answered. She did know. Maybe it was naive, but what she felt she couldn't describe. Other than loving him. Even when she knew she shouldn't.

"then why are you cryin'?" Higgs loosened her arms around his neck and get her to look at him. "are ya happy cryin'?"

She laughed a little now, sighing and wiping at her eyes. She decided to answer with a nod.  
The problem was, she had hope. And hope could be scary, that when something good is taken from you. It hurts way more. And that thought scared her more than anything.

"so... What if i.. Y'know" she finally said "get pregnant" she couldn't hold back a smirk on her face however. A jest, to get back at him for all those times.

"oh no, we're not doin' that talk" now he finally pulled away from her, causing her to laugh "we only had sex once"

She watched him gather his clothes while seated.. And then what he said rang through her head. Just once.  
Obviously, he didn't count the time he raped her.

Which, oddly moved her. She frowned, it shouldn't. What he did was horrible? She brought her hands up and wanted to sob into them once more, holding it together.

"Again?" he had his briefs back on now, pants in hand he pulled at her hands "how're ya not dry yet?"

"Can't handle people crying?"

"No, it sucks. Stop." he said and stood to put on his pants. She merely huffed and sat up as well now, stretching her arms. "chances of pregnancy are really low, don' worry." he added.

She shook her head "that's not it.. Never mind"

He paused and raised a brow, but again she shook her head "let me have this one at least, for all the times you didn't answer my question.. I don't want to"

He frowned for a second, but then he decided to let it go. "Don't hold stuff back from me"

"I'm not" she insured him. Now moving over to put on her tank top, the air was still quite chilly and she sweat a lot.

For a moment she looked at Higgs as he went for his t-shirt, instead of putting it on he handed it to Sylf. Giving him a soft smile at the generosity, she put it on. Along with her undies, however not arsed to bother with the leggings, not like it was much fabric to speak off.   
Sylf poked her nose into the collar of the t-shirt, inhaling the scent left on the fabric. Why or how, she wasn't sure but she was always so fixated on the little details, the smell, how something feels. Sounds.. And this was one scent she's gotten to know very well as off late. A scent that once inspired fear in her, still does to some degree, or rather he just was intimidating now.. It was more of a safe scent. Maybe soon one she would call home.

But it was so uniquely and richly his. Everyone is so different, it fascinated her. The right combo or certain smells could send her straight to that very moment, when she first encountered it. 

She caught Higgs looking as he sat down next to her "i showered today.."

She chuckled "No, it's nice." she wasn't sure if he would even understand, he didn't have to. She simply tries to re-route this moment in her brain, get rid of all the negative she tied to this scent. Fill it with just the good, associate it to this very moment.  
Whatever he had to him now, this aura, this feeling. This seemed like a version of him she could entrust feelings with, information. But as always, there was that one little jab, the last bit of her sanity that told her to not fully trust him.

Eventually, as they got deeper into the night he suggested they go back inside. She followed suit and they moved all the stuff back into the bunker, or rather in his way: leave it forever in the hallway.  
The make shift bed she made was still in the main room however and as she got ready to plop on it and not bother moving, Higgs stopped her, cocking his head for her to come over. He had her stand in front of a small suitcase, she frowned a little but he pushed her to open it. So she did.

What she found inside was a bodysuit and a lot of different materials, gloves.. Gear like holsters and pouches. On top of that Higgs put two pair of boots next to the case. "I surely hope they're your size"

She was a bit in awe at first, but he edged her to continue. She bit her lower lip and started to pull out the bodysuit, it was black with yellow and gold accents. Much like his own get-up. Under that was a folded cloak similar to his own and a mask. 

"W-why?" she honestly didn't know what else to say, she was a bit overwhelmed. 

"What'ya mean? If you're gonna work for me, ya should look the part."

She put it all back in the briefcase, looking at Higgs to see if there was a catch. "I have a feeling i need to do something i'm not gonna like..."

He smirked "No.. Yes. Ya're gonna be my back up"

"What's.. That suppose to mean?"

"That if somethin' happen.. Y'know what. We'll get to that eventually. Let's just say it's gonna make sense in the end of the story"

She frowned a little, he was being vague again. Unsure if it was on purpose.   
What a dumb thought, of course it's on purpose.

She thanked him regardless, even when she still felt suspicious about it. Higgs had set down behind the computer and with that she figured she'd get some more sleep. Her day has been more than eventful.  
She settled onto the mattress and turned onto her side to face Higgs, much like the previous night here, staring at his bare back. Her lids heavy, just watching him breathe in silence. And with that, falling asleep.


	21. Nobody Else.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Felt it was fitting to make a little skip in the story as i've been absent for a little while. I'm sorry for that btw. There's... Just so much going on in the world, i can't keep up.  
> Anyway a bunch of rl stuff as well. Ya'll know the deal.  
> Lotta talkins this chapter.

"G'Mornin"

She heard some rustling and the sound of a car door, followed by Higg's lovely voice. Rubbing her eyes she remembered where she was, napping in the backseat of one of their trucks.   
A few weeks after they returned to camp, after the big missions. Higgs and Sylf had set up to get some supplies from a camp nearby. However, as usual Higgs had been up and gone most of the time. 

"How long was I asleep for..?"

" 'bout an hour or two, c'mon I wanna show ya somethin"

She rose up, feeling all stiff from her uncomfortable position. Clothed in her new attire, just no cloak she slid out from the truck next to Higgs, towering over her as always.   
She tried to get a sense of her surroundings, they were in a more dense area, trees. Much like 'home sweet home'. Their camp. 

"Wait, weren't we supposed to pick up some resources.. Where are we"

"we're close." he grinned to her which told her he was up to no good. Where the fuck did he bring her now?

"Higgs.." she pulled a face and he rolled his eyes.

"It's worth the small stop" 

His teasing or plain vagueness was something she hardly paid attention anymore. At some point she became desensitized to it.

"Alright" she nodded over to him to take the lead and he led them through the trees. The further they went the stronger the sunlight cascaded through the leaves. The fog made it almost fairy tale looking. If this is what Higgs wanted her to see, she was already pretty pleased. However they didn't stop.  
Her nap didn't do her any favors this time, she squinted hard to protect her eyes from the sun rays.   
Feeling Higg's arm hold her back and slightly pull her to the side. She noticed they were close to a small cliff.

"I forgot ya had fear of heights"

She groaned "You don't forget anything and i don't have fear of heights.." 

Nevertheless she reached for Higg's hand and she could swear she heard him chuckle. Cheeky bastard. 

"Look"

They reached a more open area, a bunch of untouched Chiral crystals scattered through the grass, moss. The way the sun was hitting it it almost seemed like the entire part of the forest was glowing. Specks of glitter mixing with the fog.   
Her jaw dropped slightly and then stepped out into the small open field. Looking over her shoulder and seeing Higgs join her. At first she was a bit confused, but.. As of late he has been so different with her. Yet it keeps catching her off guard.

"This is beautiful Higgs"

"Ya're not too bad yourself"

She chuckled, still looking him over. It almost seemed like there was something awkward about him, she couldn't quite read it. 

"Very romantic" she teased him.

"Yep" he grinned at her. Even more when her own face dropped. For him it was quite amusing to see her struggle and come to terms with the fact that he's human also. Or in this case...

"Well stop it." she laughed partly "Why, we're just partners right?"

"Jus' partners" he nodded with a small smirk still written all over his face. "Think it earns a small peck don't ya think?"

"What?" she snorted "Are you sure about that, you sure you wanna go that far?" again she wasn't quite sure how far she could take it, but she got quite fond of teasing him back. Which.. Mostly seemed to amuse him as well, but with him it was mostly a coin toss.

"Guess we'll have to risk it"

She was almost expecting for herself to take the step forward. But he already stepped closer to her. It was almost a bit intimidating and she audibly chuckled, it's almost like meeting a new person every time. Another version of Higgs.  
He closed the gap and leaned down, making her go on her tippy toes and as their lips met he halted "don't, it's bad for ya, i'll come down to you instead"

"You calling me short?"

"Yes"

Wanting to open her mouth to respond he shut it for her. As he was still wearing the hood of his cloak up, it was literally just darkness.. And Higg's lips.  
She still couldn't help but slightly stand on her toes, both her hands cupped on each side of Higg's face.   
It was a small smooch but it still left a smile on her face.

"Thank you for showing me this" 

"Ya're welc-" as he stopped mid sentence his face dropped. She frowned in respond and he just stared in front of him.  
And as she was going to ask, he evaporated in thin air. 

It took a few seconds for her to gather what just happened, she stared at the spot he was just in. "what the fuck do i do now.."  
This has never happened before, yes he did leave the camp a lot. Not without a goodbye or... No certainly not like this. She frowned still and bit her lip, going over her options. She should probably just go back to the truck, since it was more so their point of reference, or.. Whatever they could use to meet up. Or she could just stay here.

As pretty as the Chiral crystals were, they surely were a much better sight with better company.  
She decided to trail back to the truck, wasn't that hard. Her sense of direction wasn't terrible but not as good as Higgs.   
When she did make it back she checked if anything changed in and around the truck, maybe a note.. You never know. However there was nothing.  
Sighing she sat in the drivers seat, looking out the window and felt a slight change in her stomach. Timefall. And before she could even mutter the words slight drops hit the front window.  
She leaned over the steering wheel.   
Again, thinking over her options.

She could go back to camp, or his shelter.. Or of course the final destination they were headed for. Or she could do nothing.  
And in that moment she realized how defendant she truly was on him. And.. Still in the back of her head a bit scared, even when things have been good.. Unsure if her moving on with their little supply run would set him off.   
In the end he never ordered her to.

Great.  
In the end, she decided on the more submissive route: Wait it out.  
Deciding to kill some more time by resuming her previous nap, one could say she loved sleeping and they wouldn't be lying. Al though in this case there wasn't much else to do.   
She retreated to the backseat and got comfortable, the rain droplets on the roof of the truck surely aided in her dozing off. She never managed to truly fall asleep though. But still in that delirious state of mind, she was roughly 'woken' up to the truck rumbling. Or shaking.. It was hard to tell.  
But she got back to her senses sooner than later when the timefall outside picked up and it was pouring down. The sky was a dark grey and she could swear the ground was shaking.  
She climbed out and immediately the cold rain hit her in the face, if she wasn't awake, she surely was now. More disappointed to learn the ground was indeed shaking and it not being a trick of her sleepy mind.

She was leaned against the vehicle for support, but as the ground shook and the more timefall hit the forest's floor. The truck started to slip away from its position. Only so slightly but enough to throw her off balance. The spot they parked at was at a very slight incline.  
And within minutes she was soaked, it was a literal storm and it got worse and worse with each fleeting moment. From a distance she could see what looked like a tornado and her heart dropped.  
Did Higgs know? Is that why he left?   
Somehow even after some of the bad times they had she couldn't fathom he would straight up leave her.  
However she couldn't stay here. She had to move. And fast as she could swear she saw tar slipping through the trees. The grass.. To her feet.

"No way.." she started walking backwards. Small steps, to full on sprinting away from the truck, back into the direction of the chiral crystals, the only path she knew she wouldn't fall down a cliff.   
With the current conditions it was hard to distinguish any of her surroundings though. Whatever footprints they made prior, they were gone. So was the glow from the crystals, no sunlight to cascade off from.  
And it only took one misstep and she slipped, not off the cliff but not far from it. She couldn't hear anything through the rain, not even Higgs appearing from nothing a few feet away from her. She was struggling to hold onto something and get to her feet again.   
Higgs crouched down to her and helped her up, she yelped his name and looked over his shoulder, seeing more tar gather and coming towards them.

What happened next went so fast she almost couldn't process it. Higgs slipped his glove off and reached for her wrist. For a fleeting moment she felt his fingers slip into her glove, into her palm. And it all went dark.

The next moment she opened her eyes, it felt like flashes. She didn't feel present at all and all she could see felt like a slideshow, of a beach. Not hers.. It was dark.  
And every time she tried to ground herself, or tried to keep herself tied to it. She slipped away, almost like de-syncing from reality entirely.  
The more flashes went by, the brighter the beach got. The longer she managed to keep herself grounded, the more glow came to the sky. But every time it would slip away from her.

Eventually she gave up, closing her eyes shut. It felt like a strange mix of things, the flashes a slideshow.. And just a constant sensation of falling. Either closer, or further away from reality, she couldn't tell.

But the next time she opened her eyes again there was just grey.. And Higg's face. Her senses started to slowly come back and started to violently cough. Higgs rolled her to her side and Sylf hurled up the lunch she had earlier. Still coughing and holding onto her stomach.   
When she finally stopped, Higgs rolled her onto her back again, his hand was tight on her shoulder and he seemed genuinely worried. Relieved.  
She started shivering hard and he lifted her up from the ground. Or rather pulled her against his chest and he rubbed her arms.

"did you...?" she mumbled.

"I had to get ya out of there."

She slowly nodded, partially understanding what he meant now by potentially killing her. 

"to what I've seen.. I'd like an explanation" she said as she slowly sat up herself, still close to Higgs. Taking in her surroundings at the same time.   
The area was pretty dark, the storm they were in was not far away. But seemingly far enough for safety, it was raining still. And above them was what seemed like an overhead, a bridge?

"And.. where we are" she added to it.

"We're close to South Knot.. Mama's lab" he answered. "lot took place here"

It almost seemed like a small grin on his face as he spoke, she was surely curious but right now.. More focused on knowing what she saw.

"Higgs.."

He looked at her at the mention of his name, then down and inhaled deeply. "I didn't want to take you there.. I'm guessin' what you saw is my beach."

She didn't seem surprised, it was the only guess she had. "Well, it surely wasn't mine.. Why was i there anyway?"

"I don' just.. Teleport, seems kinda goofy doesn't it?" he scoffed "I go between beaches. I use my own as a reference point. An anchor if you will"

She nodded slowly "it was hard to tell.. I was stuck, well.. No, i just. Kept falling."

"Good. If ya did get stuck.. Well. You're stuck."

He looked away as he said that. And for a moment she truly believed he gave a damn about her. At this point she couldn't tell if it was fake.

"what happened Higgs?" she looked at him, for a moment he wasn't sure what she meant. Seeing as he already explained all she wanted to know. "Prior to this, you left.. The storm"

"Right.. It was a BT void-out"

"How?" she frowned a bit now.

"I went to check"

She still looked at him suspicious when he leaned his head back against some of the cement blocks. "Okay.."   
She had a hard time believing Higgs had nothing to do with that BT void-out. But she was also a bit apprehensive to ask.

"I'm jus' glad -you're- okay" he followed up. Wanting to divert her attention from the subject. He leaned back over to give her a small check. Possible scratches.

"Ya good to walk?"

She frowned "One way to find out."

Higgs helped her to her feet and she dusted her butt off. "Left most of my gear in the truck, the cloak"

"It's replaceable." He looked back towards her "the rain doesn't affect you anyway"

"No, but cold does" she was simply in the tight jumpsuit she was given, without any of the parts of her gear or cloak. 

He wanted to start walking but stopped in his tracks as she noticed she didn't follow, she was looking at the overhang. Meeting the same frown she had on her face as Higgs looked over to her. Raising his brow in question.

"What happened here?" she asked. Meeting his eyes, then back to surroundings. "There's just.. This dread"

Higgs walked back over to her, confused and unsure what she was trying to say, but as she was so fixated on where she was... He knew -exactly- where they were, he gritted his teeth. He wasn't exactly feeling like explaining it to her. Sometimes the lesser someone knows the better.

She frowned deeper "You said it yourself. Lot took place here.. It's a big graveyard for a highway or whatever i'm supposed to make of it"

"Didn't have anythin' to do with that part." he paced over the sand, trying to locate where he stood all that time ago. "ya sure?"

"Sure of what? If i want to know? Yes."

He shrugged his shoulder "Fragile, you met her."

Sylf crossed her arms now, wondering if everything would slowly come into place. She already had a feeling he and that woman she saw, weeks ago. There was a connection.   
In a way she was scared he would tell her something that would change her mind forever, yet there was no erasing what he had done prior to -her- either way. Somehow she got over that..

"I gave her a task to bring a package.."

"Another bomb?"

He grinned and looked away, lowering the hood on his cloak. "she betrayed me." he paused and pointed from out of the overhang, the wastelands and the timefall "So i made her walk" 

This time he wasn't smirking anymore, but he didn't seem remorseful either. "Naked?" she asked.

"Oh damn, no." he laughed "that would be -indecent-"

"Higgs.."

"But basically, yeah."

She sighed and looked the other way, she can't imagine what it would feel like. Her skin remains unaffected by timefall. But she does have the knowledge on what it does on everyone else. 

"You made her walk into timefall for punishment and then what?"

"Not quite, she could've either finished her mission, or she would carry it into a more safe place.. Ruin her skin" he pointed at his cheek "all but her face"

"You seem pleased, did you rape her too?"

"careful" the amusement was slowly leaving his face " 'did not, actually. Ya feel special now?"

She groaned, not just because of how bold it truly was, or how fucked up. It did sadly made her somewhat special, she truly had gone crazy. It couldn't be normal to feel like that? But in the end she supposed all she wanted was his affirmation.. Or to be wanted. Guessing from her stance and what went down.. It was a different dynamic all together.

"was she a hostage as well?"

He hesitated for a while, looking her over "No. She also didn't know she was on the bad side of the deal, ya feel me?"

Higgs walked over to her, making her slightly step back. Again to her he just seemed like a different person entirely. The constant switching was extremely confusing.. But she did ask.. She wanted to know and he gave her the answers... Which, was a great step in the right direction, were it not twisted..  
She met his eyes, this time there was hardly any black around them. Just faded overtime. The 'switches' in his personality however, it shocked her that that upset her more. Than the story he just told her. 

"I don't care." she wanted to fiddle, doubt herself some more, bite her lip with how nervous she was. But she mustered what she could and looked him dead in the eye "Just don't do it to me."

"Don' make me" he didn't even blink, seeing the conflict inside her.

"Then..." she paused, giving away the doubt even more in her own confidence. "don't gaslight me.. Or.. Lie."

It almost seemed like a question and he grinned at her "ye, but. You have a tendency of walkin' off with my hand when I give ya my pinky."

"I'll try not to.." finally biting her lip and looking away from his gaze. "I'm on your side."

"Then, ya trust me when i say it's for the greater good?"

She wasn't entirely sure what he meant with that, but she nodded. She was starting to accept that, wherever he was. That's where she wanted to be. 

"I trust you" the words were almost hard to say. And Higgs caught on slightly, but he wasn't going to give her shit for it. It was slightly understandable, but.. Knowing her thus far, he had a feeling she would most defnitely try.   
The other options she had weren't exactly enticing either.

"So.." she figured it was time to turn the conversation around "what about our little mission? The supplies?"

"Right. " he looked ahead, through the landscape and grinned "I have a good feelin' Mama's lab will have some were lookin' for as well"

Sylf raised a brow "And why's that?"

"Cause it's empty" he winked at her and started walking, this time not waiting for her. Putting his hood back up.

If she had any more questions, he'd either ignore them or just answer them on the road. She caught up with him however, realizing how 'stranded' he really is with her around. Or.. It makes things just all the more longer. He could just do his thing, shift between beaches and locations. Be done before dinner. 

"How'd ya know?" he asked eventually, she merely shrugged her arms. 

"just a feeling"

He frowned a little "Jus' a feeling huh?" looking over at her he could see she was shivering. It was rather chilly right now.. It didn't help Higgs had to give Sam a visit. Turning the entire area to tar and storms..  
Which became even more apparent, the further they walked the grayer the sky became once more... Remnants of tar.  
Making Sylf stop in her tracks.

"You know, I have a feeling you were naughty" she finally answered.

He scoffed "Naughty?" he shook his head. "Jus' puttin' the wheels into motion is all"

"The BT void-out was here, right?" she started to follow him again, softly rubbing her arms for warmth.

"Yep."

"You're not gonna explain are you?"

"Nope." he looked over his shoulder to her, seeing her give up more easily than usual. She was probably too cold.   
He slowed down a little. As cruel as he seemed, he loved to give her something like a jacket, his cloak right now. But in return the timefall would slowly toast him.

"We're close" he assured her. And through some rubble she could indeed make out a shelter. Aside from all the road signs or stoplights, that led to nowhere.  
After a few minutes they arrived at their destination, the front door was practically wide open. The area around it looks destroyed, more than usual.. More recent.

"Jesus what kind of BT can even cause this.." 

"a big one" Higgs laughed "Ya wanna see it?"

"What?!" 

He walked inside, his laughter dying slowly "it's real cute" he followed up. She hopped on behind him, glad he was somewhat in a better mood again. But unsure at what cost.  
She watched him go through desks, all kinds of stuff. crates..

"So why is it called Mama's lab?"

" 'Cause it's Mama's lab. I didn't make it up.."

"So where is 'Mama'?"

"Dead. I'm assumin'." 

The coldness in his voice never failed to both amuse her and shock her a little at the same time.

"Because of you?"

He rose up from under one of the desks after clearing it "Actually, no." he chuckled "maybe. She didn' have long to begin with"

"Okay.. What are you looking for?"

He sighed "Ya're boring me with the questions Wallaby.."

"Well if you told me i could help you" rolling her eyes she walks over to him.

"Anythin' related to BB's, repatriation, medical records on still mothers. You look for that, i'll look for the rest."

She raised a brow at the odd request but went on with it. Walking over to the other side of the lab, covering different areas than him to save more time.   
Anything she deemed useful she put on a carrier rack. Rug sacks, anything at their disposal to carry it with them. And seeing from the kind of shelter she wondered if there's any stored vehicles, she did think to see a safe house outside.   
For Bridges members only however.. 

After a while of gathering stuff she walked back to Higgs, who had also rounded up a few crates of stuff.   
She sighed out lightly, bit exhausted from rummaging around.   
Higgs took over and started pushing the more heavier cargo towards the terminal, Sylf followed suit and carried the less heavier stuff over.

"Okay so what we're gonna do is.. We put all of this on a 'received order'. Someone is gonna come over to get it later, we can't physically bring all this over." he looked at Sylf now "You, have 2 options"

And when he started grinning she already knew she wasn't going to like where this was going. 

"Plans are, changed a bit.." he stood up straight "you take your chances walkin' back. I ain't gonna shift ya back over. Or.. The better option in my opinion."

"What's the better option?"

"Ya get to meet your friend Sam again, in Mountain Knot, whose very much alive"

At the words of Sam, her heart dropped. She had completely forgotten about him.. She knew he was alright, obviously. With how that all went down. But her skin grew cold when Higgs confirmed it to her.  
And he didn't have -any- expression on his face, none she could read. She didn't know what to say, so she said nothing. Just looking at him 'confused'.. Hoping it wouldn't come off as suspicious.  
Then he stepped closer to her, a cold shiver ran through her. Averting her eyes.

"Now, if i find out anythin', meanin' you lied to me. I'll have to punish you"

At first that almost sounded, in a 'kinky' way. But when she met his eyes again she quickly learned it was anything but. His stare cut right through her. "Tell me now" he followed up.

She was a deer in headlights again, she didn't know what to do. Surely the punishment wouldn't be as bad if she admitted that she already knew it wasn't going to work? That she knew.. Sam knew he was carrying a bomb.  
She didn't dare risking it.

"I didn't know.. I'm sorry.. Maybe, Fragile had something to do with it." she didn't want to throw her under the bus, but the fact was she hardly knew her. And Higgs scared her more. Hell, she wasn't sure -what- scared her more now. His punishment, or losing out on being on his good side.  
Higgs thinned his lips and eyed her over for a while, unsure if he caught onto her bullshit. He turned away from her, again he didn't seem happy but.. He also didn't seem to continue the third degree.

"Fine, you'll go to mountain knot. Get something warm, it's cold there"

She sighed softly "I know.. I used to live there" she stepped away from him now too, looking around for anything decent.

"Good, so ya know the area." he took a USB from his pocket and threw it over to her "Catch-"

Sylf turned quickly, surprisingly and caught the little USB drive in her hand. "you want me to..?"

"It's a logger. It'll log activities there, nothin' too fancy, nothin' you cant fuck up this time" he winked at her again, this time it felt a lot more cold however. "Cheer up, i'll be there soon enough."

"Higgs.. Realistically how the fuck, am i going to get there? I don't have the supplies for that.."

"You'll figure it out"

"Seriou-" she couldn't even finish her sentence or he evaporated again. Just like that..

"For fuck sake" she kicked one of the crates she was standing next to, holding the sides of her head and groaning. Which turned into a violent stretch.. She was also just way too tired to do this now.   
She could find some supplies here in the lab. Then again if she only took some essentials, she could also follow the trail of the zip lines, use those. Much safer.   
Groaning again she decided to figure it out after a nap, her body was tired and craving some rest. It really made her wonder how Higgs can keep up like that, standing for so long needing barely anything.

She looked around for a little space to rest her head. Finding yet another shitty cot somewhere in a corner, she honestly wanted to know why people were so obsessed with these things. They were horrible, but.. Better than nothing.  
Seeing how she had a ton of walking ahead of her after she would wake again.


	22. Easy way out.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry if skipping in stories bugs anyone, but what bugs me more is unnecessary writing, or filler to make a chapter bigger. I don't know if im making any sense.  
> But writing about traveling is horribly boring, unless something happens thats important.  
> ANYWAY, hope you're all still well, 
> 
> enjoy!

Chapter 22

Mama's lab was left surprisingly more abandoned than Sylf had anticipated. A lot of, to -her- important stuff was left behind. Nothing much she could use other than a bridges suit she pulled over her jumpsuit. Particularly just for warmth so she wouldn't freeze to death on her way over.  
Which she wasn't stoked about in the first place.

And when she stood before the zip line she sighed, doing a small stretch before taking off.   
As she looked down something caught her attention, the sun was shining down on a piece of metal and she crouched down into the rubble. It at first seemed like a license plate but ended up being a tag, that probably used to be part of a crate with the reciever 'Heartman's lab' written on it..  
She wasn't sure why but she found herself staring at it, at first at least. 

Then it sort of hit her.. Eden's message, it was a heart shaped out of stone. It also seemed like a stretch to think that was what he possibly meant. Still..  
She made a mental note of it, rather than taking the scrap with her. She had things to do. To tend to.  
She secured herself to the zip line and set her destination. Never however has she used any of them prior to this, in her area, or where Eden and Sylf were located not many of them were around. Yet here, in abundance.  
Deciding to take the plunge, much like how she did with the trike. She set off..  
If there were -any- porters around at this time they could surely hear her scream, at first in terror, then it was pure amusement. The initial shock that went through her body as she got 'shot' through the area, slowly died down the closer she got to the first zipline to her destination. 

First time getting off one was a tricky thing as wel, off balance as she unsecured herself from the zip line she almost fell over laughing. And so went most of her journey of zip lines until she got to the last.   
It considerably got a lot colder now. She was getting closer to Mountain knot and the last zip line. And the last ride down got a whole lot less fun when she took in the area. It wasn't displeasing, but it felt nostalgic, this is where she grew up. Now it just seemed deserted.  
And as she got off the zip line she noticed tar in the middle, particles of it floating in the air. She raised a brow, that wasn't here last time she visited.   
Sighing she started heading for the center. Walking down the runway and looking around, being somewhat on edge.  
Higgs mentioned she got to meet her 'friend Sam' again. But somehow that was kind of the last thing she wanted right now. But at the same time she wondered how he was doing, although he probably doesn't trust her anymore. 

Once she walked all the way down and towards the terminal, she noticed the system was down. Frowning she tried to acces it or start it in whatever, but nothing was responding.   
She rubbed her temples and looked around again, then noticed some flashing in front of her. The screen was working now, it just wasn't taking any orders.   
She shrugged, not her problem. Then dug into her pockets to retrieve the drive Higgs gave her, while searching she heard some footsteps. Turning to see Sam.

Sylf's face went blank and mouth slightly gaped, unsure what to say. She took her hand back out from her pockets, waiting for some kind of response.  
When she didn't get one she lowered her shoulders and eyed him, taking the first step herself. She mumbled a greeting and nodded towards him.  
He kept his distance for a bit and then nodded back, walking over to her, skipping the greeting altogether it seemed.

"You alone?" he asked and Sylf raised her brow at that.

"Yes..You?"

"What?"

"Oh, i thought this was a drug exchange" as she said it Sam seemed confused, he mentally rolled her eyes "It's a joke, tough audience"

"hm" he finally stepped closer to her now, she realized how inappropriate it must be to make a joke.. Higgs was really rubbing off on her in a bad way.

"Why are you here?" he eyed her cautiously, looking between her and the terminal.

"Oh. I'm, looking for my brother. I used to live here"

"You're not here with Higgs?"

Her stomach dropped but tried to find the quickest response she could "Who?"

Sam squinted for a brief moment, considering his options. Either she didn't know Higgs and got caught up in all this somehow.. But in his gut he felt she was lying. Fragile had told him a fair deal about Higgs and what he was capable of.  
Fragile could never confirm or deny Sylf had any part in it, only that she felt they surely crossed paths. Sylf had that 'look' about her.  
Entangled and trapped.

Sam sighed "You know you were carrying a bomb right? At the distribution center?"

She faked a frown, seemingly upset and shook her head "I didn't know the contents.." she mumbled the last part. Looking down to the floor. Still trying to stay as legit as possible.

"I didn't know truly, i'm sorry.. What did you do with it?"

"Threw it in the lake" he answered coldly.

She nodded and crossed her arms, not knowing what to say. "Look i, the system is down so i will come back later"

She knew she couldn't use the drive right now, anything other than being here for deliveries would be suspicious.

"You sure it's not another bomb?" it may have sounded a lot more harsh than he meant it to, but he still had every right to.

"No Sam.." she sighed.

"You can rent a room.. Either downstairs, or the cabins outside." as he said that he realized she wasn't dressed in her usual 'bridges' suit. He slightly frowned recalling seeing something similar hanging around in Mama's Lab. To which he grew more suspicious.

"Right. Thanks" she turned to the terminal to look what she could find and acces, being able to rent a room. She ended up choosing the outside option.. Having a lingering feeling Sam would be underground. And still wanting to avoid him..  
When she was done she stepped away from the terminal, forced to front Sam again. He stepped aside for her and let her walk however. She somewhat expected a bit more resistance than that. 

Sylf bit her lip as she walked back up the ramp, looking over her shoulder to see Sam staring back up at her. "I'm sorry Sam" she repeated again.  
This time she looked more guilty than ever, the mere realization that she could've possibly killed him hit her. When confronted with Sam himself, the weight of what she had done became a lot more heavy. A lot more real.

"You can still back out of this.." he answered back, Sylf's face dropped again. And at this point she felt she couldn't keep up the façade anymore. She wasn't the worst liar, but a horrible actor.

She bit her lip again, shaking her head "i can't." and by saying that.. She finally gave up her mask. Her stomach made a small tumble knowing she picked her side.   
She was no longer this persona, Sylf Bridges Ayae. The girl who carries around packages, looking to meetup with her family. She was Sylf, working for Higgs.

It even seemed to take Sam a bit by surprise "You can go to Heartman's lab.. Well, god forbid your brother is still there" he frowned even deeper.

"No.. Eden chose this, I'm sure i'm only in the way. I'm sorry." she started walking off, not wanting to listen to any more of it. Walking outside and towards the cabins a little bit further up.  
She hoped Sam didn't see what number she was at.. It took her a tiny while to find it. And when she found herself in front of the door she opened the pad lock. Putting in the numbers given to her from the terminal as the current code to use door.   
Once inside, there was a very small kitchen area, a table with a chair. Sleeping area bed next to the only window in the cabin, however the curtains were shut. And a small cubicle where the shower and toilet would be.   
Groaning she sat down on the bed. But slightly pleased with how soft it was.. Bridges surely had the better stuff. Compared to what she has been sleeping in lately.  
She leaned over the bed and put the curtain aside slightly, trying to see towards Mountain Knot's center. It was blocked by other cabins but you could slightly see it. She didn't see Sam either.

Closing the curtain again she took off her boots. Deciding to look around and probably get a shower. Also getting out of the uncomfortable suit, now that it was warmer inside she didn't need it anymore.   
Putting the drive under the bed's pillow, how original.

She walked to one of the few kitchen counters and looked inside, there was some canned food but not much, she figured it would just be re-supplied when cabins are used. Which didn't seem often at all. But they weren't expired either.  
Then checked the fridge and found a few bottles of water, the bottom half of the fridge was the freezer which had some ready meals in there.   
Shrugging she pulled out a bottle of water and took a few sips, looking down to the necklace Higgs gave her, feeling it between her fingers. Unsure still how true to his words he was about knowing where she would be.. And when to come to her.  
Walking over to the cubicle she opened the door, seeing a toilet, sink and small shower cabin. She turned the shower on and started taking off her clothes.   
Once it was at a decent temperature she got inside. It was nice to relax for a moment, do nothing and just let the water and steam do its thing.   
There were some tiny bottles of shampoo and soap on the showers floor and she picked the shampoo up to wash her hair. It's probably been a good week since she's done that. Her hair has seen some horror.   
She sighed contently once the floral scents started overtaking the grunge and sweat from the days prior. Washing the shampoo out of her hair after a good few rinses and then lathered her body in soap. 

As usual she took a bit longer in the shower, wanting to linger around, sit on the floor. Before finally getting out. Drying herself and getting back into her suit.  
She checked the time on the clock next to the bed, it was already evening and she decided to make some food.   
Making use of the small microwave in the cabin and while she waited she pushed the curtain aside to see outside. Looking down she saw footsteps and frowned. As he got up to even inspect it there was a knock at her door.  
Like lightning her glance went to the front door, taking a moment, silent and debating what to do. However the silence was quickly broken by Sam's voice on the other side. 

"It's just me" he spoke, but that didn't help one bit. After what she revealed she was more cautious than ever. Taking a small knife from the side of her boots and holding it behind her back, she walked to the door.

"Why're you here Sam...?"

"I just want to talk"

"Why?"

"Will you just open the fucking door?"

She hesitated and bit her lip "You get why i don't want to.. Right?"

"I want to talk about Higgs"

"I don't, i'm not gonna tell you anything"

"I get that, i want to warn you" 

She groaned and picked at her lips, finally slowly opening the door, but not letting him in yet "Nothing funny please.." she frowned at him.

Sam however further opened the door and carefully stepped inside. Kicking his boots first to get rid of possible snow or dirt.  
Once inside Sylf stepped aside for him and he looked over to the microwave that was running. His hair was down this time, he seemed like he had a shower himself.

"I'll cut to the chase i don't want you to warn me." she immediately said before anything else, she pointed towards the chair near the little kitchen table for Sam to sit. And Sylf did the same on the small bed.

"I don't care, i just hope you know he will ditch you once he's done." Sam looked stern, as always. "You know what he did?"

Sylf sat back and crossed her arms. Leaning against the window "Yes."

Sam seemed a bit confused at first, tilting his head slightly to process "And you're still.."

"yes.." she looked down this time, part of her was embarrassed. Admitting to it for one, secondly for almost killing him.. Still. "I still didn't want you to die, by the way.. Or others. Things have changed"

"you want to kill -now- but.. Not before? You're a part of the Homo Demens now, I don't see the difference"

He had her there, she impatiently moved her foot around and sighed annoyingly. Yet, this was the first time she heard this term. At least now, what Higgs stood for had a name. "I've made my choice, albeit a shitty one"

Sam eyed her for a while, when she finally did look back he couldn't quite figure out what he was seeing. He didn't know her well enough, but if anything it was eery to see a nice individual. Like their first meeting, go from this. Curious and kind. To stand-off ish.

"Then we're enemies" he softly said.

"yep" she nodded, her arms still crossed "look Sam.. I don't know you. I know Higgs"

"And that's exactly how Fragile got caught up in that!" he spoke up, his voice raised to a point that seemed out of character for Sam. It got her off guard but, not like she would in the past.  
Which.. Isn't even that long ago. Her change in demeanor just creeped up on her almost.

She bit her lip, she felt a soft sting behind her eyes as she thought of her answer "I don't. Care." she shook her head. Gulping.  
A voice inside of her was so done with it all, constantly listening to what others had to say. And she slowly wanted to take her power back, Sam didn't deserve the end of that.. But he was convienently here.

"so.. Don't act like you know the answer, don't expect me to run to my brother who probably A: is not at Heartman's anymore.. and B: can't help me either. Can you please leave?"

Sam frowned deeper "If i leave now, when we meet again, we're.."

"I know." she finished for him. "You can try to kill me." 

Her eyes for once didn't once leave Sam's glare. He was almost daring him to. She was given so many options by everyone around her, but never did she try a path for her own.

"Are you sure?" he tried one more time...

But she didn't let up, the silence after his question was his answer. The only sound that came through was the microwave.   
He sighed, her food was done and he decided to leave her to it. As Sam got up his BB stirred in the pod and curiously looked around.   
Sylf opened her mouth but quickly closed it again, for a moment she was reminded of the innocent moment between her.. Sam, and his BB. But yet... As bittersweet as it felt it wasn't enough to pull her back. Yet she could see it on Sam's face.  
'what a shame'

"just go please." her voice went raspy, watching Sam leave her cabin without saying a single word.

The moment the door from the cabin closed she caved in, kneeling down to the floor and holding her hand to her face as she started to sob. Leaning over the bed to hide her face in the sheets.  
From all the things she had been through with Higgs, it somehow didn't felt as heartbreaking as this. And on top of that she had no idea how deeply she hurt Sam. But, deep down she always assumed no one gave a single fuck about her.   
And for a moment she was afraid she made the wrong decision.  
Thinking about it rationally she still had no idea what Higg's plans were, what if they completely went against her own?.. Could she still be with him, or co-exist?  
She was so brainwashed she could barely make any sense of the gas lighting and grooming that took place.

She breathed in deep and finally rose to her feet. She put the thoughts all behind a wall, hell. Behind a wall, closed off in a box with multiple locks on it.  
The thought of Higgs abusing her and deep down using her for his own goals, only to throw her aside. She couldn't bare to think about it, so she didn't. 

She took the easy way out.  
Ignore it.

She walked over to the microwave to retrieve the food and started eating. Looking out the window, she could see Sam walk off from the center of Mountain Knot.   
Meaning she could finish her little mission soon, without being interrupted..


	23. Because we have to.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (Sorry for this possibly low key spoiling the chapter, but i really felt strong about putting a small disclaimer in here)
> 
> It's just going downhill from here. Extreme violence, rape and other themes, small warning. Actually, big warning.  
> i on purpose didnt go into TOO much detail.  
> I'm sorry in advance.
> 
> I almost feel bad for writing this, i'm sure i'm not the only one who has done themes like this. I will say this even though it goes without saying (imo): i do not condone any of this type of abuse. It's purely fictional and fictional only.  
> Even when i knew months prior i was working up to these events, it still was a bit hard to write. As dumb as it sounds it makes me a bit nervous as i don't wanna upset anyone or come off in a way i don't intend. And i hope yall will understand of it being part of the story's progress.

Sylf took a two hours nap at best, she was rather used to these little power naps by now. Rarely did she have a long night of sleep, like.. 'regular' people.  
She blinked a couple of times, but got startled by seeing Higgs sit right across from her on the chair in the cabin. It was like either a harsh slap or dash of cold water, just like that. She was awake.

"Jesus Higgs.." but knowing it was him, she eased up again. Rubbing her eyes and looking at him, she noticed he wasn't saying anything and he had a look on his face.. The only thing that came to her in terms of reading him, he was either disappointed or mad.

"Ya're really fucking stupid aren't you?" he almost gave her a slight smirk, but he was honestly disappointed this time. She wanted to ask why or what, but then it hit her like bricks.   
She gotten so comfortable around Higgs, the fact that he had tabs on her at all times, completely dropped from her head.. How, she will never know, maybe one day. But at that moment he didn't have to explain to her. She knew, he heard.

"I don' even know where to fuckin' start" he continued and she bit her lip, her blood running cold "Fuck. First ya open your mouth.. An' it just keeps coming and coming. Ya could might as well have told him my home adres, what hairdresser i go to"

She wanted to have her say, but Sylf knew there was no cutting him off right now.

"You stupid, useless girl." she felt like fainting watching him, he squared his jaw. Nodding at her before continuing. He sat a bit closer to her, to a point where she had to back up on the bed. "I have fuck all reason to keep you around. You had the 'innocent bridges girl' goin for ya. Now ya're useless. WORST of all" he paused to sigh "Not only did flat out tell him who you are, which you're not as far as i'm concerned, we don't fuck up like that. But ALSO,you decided to sit on 'yer ass for two hours. Waiting for whatever bullshit Sam could've thrown your way. Ya think you're immune to that?"

And as she wanted to answer he stood up and hoisted her by the shoulder "get the fuck up" she yelped at the sudden pain shooting through her, his fingers were clasped on her like never before. "You didn't even get THIS job done!"   
He started laughing now as he held her up, not off the ground but close enough to force her face close to his. There was something else in his eyes, Higgs was somewhere deep down there, she saw, or hoped. But right now the only thing she saw was seething hatred.  
This Higgs she possibly has seen before.. And where she could try to reason with him. This Higgs wasn't budging.

He pushed her against the wall with little to no force and she yelped on impact, he didn't throw her into it. But he leaned against the wall in front of her, looking down upon her.

"I'm goin' to fucking get this done. And you're gonna stay here." he didn't even blink "right, in this spot. You will not move, if you fucking move there's even more hell to pay"

She nodded quickly through her sobbing and he immediately pushed away from her.   
The moment he was out the door she started to cry harder, hell she didn't even dare sitting down. He told her to stay put, not move.. She was terrified.  
Sylf rubbed her upper arm where he had grabbed her, lowering a bit of her jumpsuit to see. Her lower arm and hand were throbbing now that the blood could flow freely again. And she had a big mark on her flesh. 

She just stood there, so submissive and so dumb. 

After a decent thirty minutes Higgs came back into the cabin, he shifted through beaches and not even bothering with the door. Which, she assumed is how he got in in the first place.   
He b-lined to her, his boots heavy on the floor and she saw him un glove his hand "No! no no no!" she yelled pulling away now, knowing what his intentions were.  
She couldn't even get away, try as she might the first bit of flesh he found on her, he grabbed with his palm and immediately the sensation of falling overcame her.  
But this time, she was almost tempted to grasp to Higg's beach, stay there. Hide.. But she could possibly be lost forever. She did manage to keep herself grounded there longer than the first time.

But she was pulled out sooner than last time. Waking up to the blue sky, again her stomach turned, she almost hurled. Managing to keep it in this time. Rolling over however Higgs was not there in sight. Turning her head behind her, he was crouched behind her head. And she wanted to get to her feet he roughly grasped her shoulder again, she yelped and noticed she was surrounded. A bunch of men circled around them, she recognized her surroundings though. They were back at camp.  
Sylf turned back to Higgs and grabbed the hand that was so strongly pinched into her shoulder "please" she pleaded, not knowing what he was going to do.

"I wanna hit a few birds in one stone" he started off, looking at Sylf at first and then back to the men. "i know, -you- knew the bomb wasn't gonna go off" Sylf wanted to interrupt him again but he grabbed her. Arms around her neck, not tight but to wrap his hand over her mouth.  
He pointed to the guards.

"You need punishment, a proper one. And these men are veeerrrry uptight."

Sylf's face went pale.. He wouldn't?.. Right..?   
She somehow found it hard to believe Higgs was okay with sharing his 'toys' with others. 

"So." he continued, holding her tighter when she started to struggle. "Hitting more stones than two even, while you entertain our overworked soldiers. It gives me a fuck ton of time to decide what i'm gonna do with you"

Sylf yelped against his hand and started sobbing again, shivering hard. She wanted to struggle but she knew it wouldn't work.  
He let go off her mouth and pulled handcuffs from his pocket, Sylf started screaming as he was putting them on.

"Oh shut up" once he was done he hoisted her up, onto her feet and she almost dangled for a good second. He wrapped his arms around her waist and forced her to look at the soldiers, but she kept holding her head down. Too scared to admit to the situation.  
Higgs frowned and grabbed the front of her jumpsuit, zipping it down and forcefully pulling down the sleeves off her arms, exposing her bare chest. She trembled hard and tried to cover herself up with her bound hands as Higgs pulled everything down and off her body.   
Just in her underwear, basically flaunting his toy to the rest of camp.

Her jumpsuit was hanging around her ankles, he couldn't be arsed to take everything else off. This would do.   
The soldiers in front of her started doing the same, some inching closer and she started to furiously shake her head. Trying to turn around to Higgs but he continuously forced her back in position.  
Even when he was subjecting her to all this, she was clinging to him for dear life in hopes he would 'save' her. Silly girl. 

He grabbed her head with both his un gloved hands and kissed her on the forehead "be good ok?" he grinned at her. Her eyes widening as he pushed her harshly forward, making her fall to the damp grass.  
She yelped again and sobbed into the ground. Hiding her face and pulled her legs up. The soldiers saw this as their queue to move in. They wasted no time and one leaned over her with scissors, cutting her panties on one side to get them off her.   
She aggressively squirmed around but one other soldier held her torso and head back to the forest's floor. 

All the while, Higgs didn't move from his spot. In fact he crouched back down, meeting her eyes as she managed to move her face. Again she pleaded with him, in tears. He didn't break their eye contact, not as the men partially undressed.

He smirked at her "no one's goin in there without protection don't you worry" he almost patted her on the head like a dog, then nodded to one of the men to go ahead with it. She hadn't looked behind her, just at Higgs and had zero knowledge of what happened around her for a decent time.  
She was brought back to earth when she felt something sharp plunge deep inside her. She screamed out, her face getting more dirty with each passing second from the slight mud. Again she looked for Higg's eyes. She wasn't sure what she saw, deep down she hoped it was hurting him just.. At least a percentage of the pain he was inflicting on her. Guilt, she hoped.   
And as the men violently took advantage of her, she was hoping each fleeting moment for those magic words, words from Higgs to tell them to stop. That it's enough, that she got her punishment. But it seemed endless, it never came.  
And at this point she stopped crying, she was empty. Just groaning and yelping into the floor, the sounds of pain never stopped and radiated through camp. Along with her tear less sobbing. This, at no point. Ever became remotely endurable, or pleasant. Not like how Higgs forced himself on her that one night.  
This was vile and fucked up.

"Stop!! what the fuck are you all doing!!" she heard yelling from somewhere in camp, she quickly recognized it to be Mari's voice and screamed even harder. She lifted her head to see, past Higgs who was still watching them. Even after this time, even after many men had had their fill.   
She had been flipped over, rolled around, tugged on. Covered in mud and bruises from their strong hands. Mari didn't think for one second and ran over to her and try to pull people away from her.

"Stop" Higgs told him, more so warned him. But Mari didn't seem to get the message. Dumb mistake, one does not ignore Higgs. Not even on accident. Higgs sighed and pulled his rifle from his back.

"Noo!!" Sylf cried out, but before she could even warn Mari, Higgs had his rifle pointed to his head. There was no hesitation, no emotion as he pulled the trigger.  
In a single moment he busted part of his clip into the young man's face, point blank. His head about popped open like a water melon.   
Higgs started laughing as he reloaded, looking down at Mari's lifeless body in front of Sylf. Who was just nonstop screaming in terror.

Higgs then nodded to the men, making them back off and immediately Sylf reached for one of Mari's arms. She was still screaming, everyone was surprised she still had a fight left in her.  
She could barely move her legs.. But she inched her way closer to Mari. Even though she physically saw his head pop, somehow it didn't register inside her. Almost as if she didn't want to believe it even happened, it all went so fast. Much like everything with Higgs, there was zero time to respond to anything properly.   
Her stomach turned upon seeing the damage done to him and in a split second she threw up next to his body. Coughing and hurling up all the misery.  
Sylf clung to his arm, feeling no response, no pulse. She started crying again. 

It almost sounded haunting, never had she cried quite like this. It was a desperate kind of cry, primal and instinctive. The kind of pain heard in someone's voice that sends chills down your spine. Someone completely broken down, a cornered animal.   
Even to Higg's ears, it was hard to listen to. And he has seen some shit...  
Sylf gave up and crawled into the fetal position on the ground.. A small bit away from Mari's body... It started to rain.

Higgs, who was still standing near looked up at the sky, sighing he put his hood over his head. One of the soldiers who didn't partake walked up behind him.

"You want me to bring her inside?" he offered and Higgs looked back down to Sylf who was trembling in the mud.

"Leave her outside, she knows where to find the bed" Sylf didn't even register Higgs walked up to her, until he crouched down and pulled some strands of muddy hair from her face. "why do ya put me to these extremes?"

She didn't say anything, then Higgs looked over to Mari's body and back to one of the soldiers to signal him over "Clean that up" then he looked back to Sylf.

As one of the men cleared Mari's body Sylf finally looked up to Higgs, she was destroyed beyond measure and her eyes pierced through his own. There was so much hurt behind her blue orbs, some much hatred.

"Ya gonna bite me drowned cat?" he raised a brow, by now she was getting soaked from the timefall. "Enjoy your sleep"

He got up and walked away from her, forced to watch him walk into the one of the relieve tents for shelter from the timefall, warmth and comfort.   
It was crazy to think she'd rather be outside here right now, left alone as she wanted no one. The rain slightly cleaned her up but she wasn't bothered to move... She didn't even have the energy for it.

So she just laid there.


	24. Puzzle

She didn't pass out, didn't sleep, hardly ever closed her eyes. Just merely rested, gathering her strength.  
And as night came, even when it didn't become much darker, most of the camp went quiet. Only a few guards would patrol around at night. Who were on their posts where they belonged.  
Sylf slowly started to sit up, her entire body felt weak. But it by far didn't outweigh how broken she was mentally. The bit of soul or emotion she had left was depleted from her eyes entirely. And in a daze she glanced around the camp, her hair stuck to her face from the dirt and timefall.  
Blinking, everything felt foggy, time seemed to stand still. The center of camp felt like it was painted in black and white.   
And when the rain became heavier she decided to try her legs. Slowly standing on her trembling feet. She kicked off the boots she had on, but softly. Pulling the jumpsuit's pants off her ankles, stepping out.  
Sylf's legs were moving on their own, mind on only one thing. It was almost like a gravital pull, pushing her to him. Her gaze did not once move away from the relieve tent she usually slept in. She inched her way closer slowly. Still slightly trembling she found her way inside and glanced along each bunk bed as she passed them. 

Stopping at the right one, where Higgs was sleeping. Only partially under bed covers, still in most of his underclothing.  
She held onto her cuffs to avoid them making sound.

And in that moment it was like all her strength came back. She balled her fists and looked down onto him, sleeping soundly.   
Drips of timefall fell to the floor next to his bunk. She bit her lip and again, limbs moving on their own. She flung one leg over one side of Higg's waist. And in this moment she was fast as lightning. The moment she settled down onto his body her hands flew around his neck. Squeezing so hard she thought she would crack bones.

Higgs eyes flew open, his hands reached for her wrists but didn't seem to stop her. Merely responding to the sudden choke. She started to sob again, not like before. It was seething anger, so much it caused her to tear up.   
She squeezed harder and harder and she could feel his Adams apple struggle underneath her palm. Drops of rain from her hair fell to his cheek.  
He tilted his head back a slight bit and let his hands fall to his sides. It confused her, even more as he smiled to her. She groaned, which turned into an angry scream as she squeezed at her hardest before letting go entirely.  
One of the guards that were off duty already came running from his bunk to help Higgs but he held his hand up, the guard stopped in his tracks. Now coughing as air came back into his lungs. Sylf just sat on him practically burning up from anger.. But, she just couldn't do it.  
And as Higgs waved the guard off, he regained his composure after the coughing fit, he looked back into her eyes. She was drenched in timefall.. And the moment he noticed he reached for his cheek where drops fell to his skin. It was still wet as he touched it with his fingers but.. No damage?  
He frowned, curious.

"Ya done?" he asked her then, his lack of fear for her wasn't odd to her. But even after this she expected him to be at least a bit shaken up. Not even a tiny bit?

She screamed at him again and started punching him in the chest, face wherever she could "No I'm not done!!!" 

He dodged her impact a few times before finally grabbing her wrists and holding them still "You killed him!!" she screamed again.

"That's what ya're worried about? Sorry were you two friends?"

"FUCK you!!" she started trashing against him and like an animal spit on him. He'd almost laugh at the silly attempt to upset him. 

"That's really disrespectful Wallaby" He moved off the bed and he held her by the cuffs, she was thrashing and yelling so much he had to drag her off the bed and over the floor "And, you're wakin' everyone up"

He quickly threw on his cloak and boots and resumed to drag her, now outside he lifted her up over his shoulder. But the moment he shifted her up she went to tear the hood off from his head and as the timefall touched his skin he dropped her to the floor. Quickly putting his hood back on.  
Now he was -really- done playing around. "Fine" he balled his hand into a fist and struck her hard enough across the temple she fell back into the ground, face first. She groaned softly, the impact was so sudden and hard it left her feeling lightheaded.  
Which worked out for him so he could lift her without struggle as he intended to. Her body was pretty limp now and he brought her all the way over to the showers. Once inside he ditched the cloak, immediately taking her over to the usual shower cubicle. He sat her down inside and put on the shower head.   
The sudden cold water on her skin woke her back up and she reached to one of her brows, there was a dull sting and throbbing. And as she pulled her hand back she saw blood. He truly clocked her.  
She was a bit dizzy still, looking up she saw Higgs working on the shower handles to put them warmer. Wow, compassion. What a miracle.  
She bit her lip and tried to punch him again, but it was such a weak attempt as she was just drained, he simply pushed her back against the shower tiles, making him wet from the shower in the process.

"Stop, you've lost." he reminded her. The shower slowly got warmer now and she crawled into the corner. Letting the water wash her skin, the filth. She wrapped her arms around her knees. Head rested on them as she stared at Higgs who just sat down on the bench.  
She signed to herself, she had lost.  
And somehow she could've seen it coming had she not lied to Higgs, had she not gotten comfortable around either him or Sam. Almost thinking she's untouchable.  
Regardless, she planted the seeds. And now she's seen something she can never un see. What was done to her was one thing, traumatic enough as it is. It had to be stepped up a notch and add murder.  
Death surely was a lot different when it was done right in front of your eyes.

"What's your verdict?" she asked Higgs, there was no emotion to her words.

"I was thinkin' of branding ya like a horse" he joked, what an obscene timing to make jokes. But, that's who he was. At this point she wasn't even looking to find the Higgs she wanted to see in his eyes, she was looking far away. Finding more comfort in staring at the tiles now.

"Okay." she shrugged "Are you planning on killing me... or? Your 'merchandise' has been manhandled, so that's it right?"

"That's why ya're in the shower."

"right" she glanced at her cuffs now, momentarily looking towards Higgs. It made him stand up and reach into his pocket, from which he retrieved a small key for the cuff lock.  
And as he came closer she saw the tight red mark around his throat, she raised her brows. Only now seeing the damage to what she had done.   
As Higgs removed the cuffs from her, while getting his arms wet again he noticed her looking. "What?"

She shook her head as she looked away from his neck, feeling out her wrists now as they were sore from the wear and tear of the cuffs.  
He figured she was looking at whatever she had done to his neck and he scoffed. A small grin on his face.

"I will say ya're stronger than i thought" he paused before standing up again. Instead of walking back to the bench he was crouched in front of the shower, out of reach of the water.

"How would you expect me to kiss your heels again now..?" she blatantly asked.

"Dunno, it's not my problem." he shrugged "You can figure that out, jokes aside i warned ya multiple times"

It was hard to argue with that logic. But even Higgs knew what he did was wrong on so many levels, but in his world. She chose to dedicate herself, albeit with force to work for him. Even though she was stuck, at some point she decided she was with him. A part of his group, by his side. In any means of the word.

"Higgs..?" she mumbled.

"What?"

"Be honest.. If i told you before about what happened at the distribution center.. Would you have gone this far?"

He seemed to think about that one for a bit, moving his head along with his thoughts. "Hmmm. No." 

Their eyes met again "Yeah you would, you would've let me deliver the bomb personally. Tell me i'm wrong then."

Higgs looked down for a second, thumbing with one of the boots laces "I don' think i would have." he didn't look her in the eyes this time.

"Are you manipulating me again? To diminish whatever the fuck just happened and throw me off?" she hoped, the moment she would mention the words. Of what he did to her, it would stop. And that he would realize it would no longer work on her. She had a very harsh awakening today, there was no coming back from that.

"I think we're done with that, aren't we?" he sighed, looking back up to her again "so, do ya want to stay or should i kill you?"

She frowned now, eyeing him even closer than before, trying to read even the littlest bit of emotion in his eyes. Maybe she was seeing things, but she could swear there was some sadness behind his words.

"I don't think you want to kill me"

"I will if i have to" this time he was stern again, no jokes. No laughter, no teasing or anything. He was serious, actually genuine sounding. "I don't want to"

"You just FED me, to the wolves, was it as fun for you as it was fun for me? Did you enjoy watching? And then just.. Not a single worry in the world count sheep until you fall asleep?"

Higgs thinned his lips, unsure what to say. When she said that it somehow rattled him deep down, somewhere in his black heart. Putting things into perspective, in that moment he realized how far he had truly gone. How hungry he was to fulfill whatever goal he was setting for himself, an image. 

"I loved you" she started crying again "through all the shit gas lighting you put me through, i loved you. But you made it impossible to trust you.. And now it's fucked."

To hear someone say words he hasn't heard in years he shook his head "stop" he simply didn't believe it. And for a moment wondered if she was pulling an Uno reverse card on her on the manipulating department.

"No i will not stop.. There's nothing you could possibly do to me at this point, to make me stop. Unless you fucking off me." she paused, he remained silent "You're just stuck with someone who resents you, you've taken so much from me, so just end it. You can't?"

She almost dared him, but he didn't move nor did he say anything. He just sighed, for once it felt like she was reaching him. Like whatever it was, she was speaking -his- language now. That or he magically started understanding hers.  
But if anything, the 'game' was over.

He shook his head "I can't kill you" he decided "but i can train you"

"What makes you think i still want to be part of it?"

"Ya still seem to think you have a choice"

"i do, i could off myself"

She had him cornered again. But not as cornered as she hoped he would be "Take a moment please, by all means take multiple, an' add up all the things ya've kept from me" he frowned.

"So you have a bunch of men rape me?"

"I wanted you to hurt like you hurt me"

Ah, there it is. She wasn't sure what to say at first, but she just shook her head with an eye roll. Processing and then looking back to him if he was being genuine, or just feeding her bullshit. Seeing his face however, it felt honest.

"You're a fucked up man"

"I know, it's got me this far" he agreed to it easily. But then again it wasn't like he was unaware of it, or trying to hide it. If anything he seemed proud of it, but.. He didn't seem proud of this one.  
It wasn't an excuse though.

She groaned, unsure if she wanted to know but went for it anyway "what's my body count?"

"Your, what?"

"How many guys.." she couldn't even finish the sentence.

"Three. Not including me."

She nodded again and rubbed at her eyes, not crying but just processing again. Sighing harshly. And contemplating on her choices.

"If i stay. Meaning.. I don't off myself, you will -never- do this to me again, you will respect me as an equal"

He eyed her over, looking down to the wet tiles for a moment before he slowly started to nod. Swallowing his pride "Alright."

"Alright?" she frowned "Really?" 

"Yeah sure."

He looked down still, he honestly seemed like he felt the severity of the situation. Or some of that, guilt, is what she was hoping for. 

"Train me, whatever. I'm your business partner, that's it." for some reason, it still stung and hurt to say that. But she was standing her ground on this one.

"we will start first thing in the mornin' then."

"No, i'm gonna get twelve hours of sleep if i need to, we'll do it in the afternoon"

Higgs looked up finally, raising his brows. She was truly pushing him on this one, were this a few days ago he would not let her have the end of it. His jaw squared and for a moment she feared he would strike at her. But she managed to still have him believe she wasn't scared to death, still.

"First thing, afternoon" he got up now and lazily pointed to the washing part of the building "clean clothes there. I'll see ya tomorrow" he paused in his steps as he wanted to leave "Remember, run an' i'll-"

"-find you." she finished his sentence for him, watching him walk off with a nod. She finished her shower rather more quickly than normal. Not much washing, rather just rinsing off. She was tired, so tired.  
As she got out of the shower she reached for a towel and went for the washing machines. Cutting a corner and looking through the clean laundry, only going for a t-shirt and sweatpants. And well, slippers. She wasn't about to go back out there and getting her feet dirty again.  
So once dried up, she got into the clothes and made her way back to the tent. Still, everything felt like black and white to her. It was strange. How in an instant something she technically called home, became something so dark.


	25. Just a Habit.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for typos and such ive been on a writing binge lately and i feel im overlooking things. .__.

Sylf lunged her fist into the training bag before her. Her and Higgs were training in the forest. It's been three days and ever since that night she had been pushing herself to work harder, train, eat, sleep and on repeat.  
Actual conversations with her and Higgs were far and few between. 

Right now he had her focus on building more muscle and becoming stronger, along with some aim training. They quickly learned Sylf's stronger suit was anything long ranged. Maybe some stealth.. She was far more quiet than the rest of camp.  
Which, was more true in more than one way. Overnight her composure had changed completely, she was starting to adapt. Even when she didn't want to, her skin was getting so much thicker.  
But at the cost of it, she was simply a glimpse of what she used to be. Someone who smiled at least once a day, enjoyed nature and.. Everything that made her so uniquely, her. It was stripped from her completely.

Higgs was leaned against a tree, he had told her it was okay to stop for the day about five minutes earlier. But she insisted on pushing it. He sighed to himself and pushed away from the tree.  
Both were dressed as simple as possible, on top of that it was quite sunny and warmer than usual. Sylf was in a simple tank top and army pants. Same for Higgs except he wore a t-shirt.  
He walked over to her and held the punching bag, forcing her to stop and he shook his head "It's not made out of memory foam, ya're gonna ruin your knuckles"

She didn't answer and just looked down upon her hands, the wrappings on her palms had shifted, laying bare her knuckles which were bruised and beaten up. She merely shrugged and looked back to Higgs briefly before stepping away. She walked past him, ignoring a bunch of MULE porters passing through the forest.  
Sylf walked into camp and went for the food court. While undoing the wrappings on her hands she bit her lips, yeah, that did hurt quite a bit. She didn't even notice until Higgs pointed it out, she honestly just felt so empty.  
She looked over her shoulder and noticed Higgs didn't follow up behind her.. Thank god. The least she had to deal with it the better. She was so good at putting on her tough mask, it became natural to her. Second nature.

When she gathered some a tray of food from the food court's tent she sat down on one of the benches. Hell, she even started eating better. But she was rather forced into it, her body had to keep up with all the training she did.  
She glanced over to one of the tables further away, Mari used to sit there if any of his coworkers were around. Sighing she looked back down to her food and started to eat.  
As her hands started to feel more sore it became quite a chore however, she didn't finish it all. Instead decided to just quietly and peacefully down her tea.  
But of course it's never to be.

Higgs sat down next to her, she heard his heavy boots coming from a mile away. She got quite good at that.  
She didn't even turn her head to him as she sipped, but noticed in the corner of her eye he had bandages on him, she sighed into her mug.

"Not interested"

"Don't care" he answered and just grabbed her free hand to check it over. She finally did glance over to him, putting the mug down and rested her elbow on the table.  
Normally she would make a joke about how ironic this would be, saying he doesn't care. As he continues to care and clean up her hand. He was putting some ointment over her knuckles and she bit her lip, it lightly stinged.  
He looked up for a reaction but she didn't give him any, so he continued tending to her hand and wrapping bandages around her knuckles.  
Higgs then held up his hand for her second hand, she gave it to him with a small eye roll and he tended to that as well.

When he was done he put the remaining stuff he used back into a small first aid box. Shoving it aside and looking down on her plate.

"I don' think I've ever seen ya eat that much" he was impressed.

Sylf wasn't sure if he was trying to make small talk, or wanted something from her. So she just shrugged and glanced back to him "Anything else?"

He raised a brow "Yeah. We'll be going back to Mama's lab"

"We? The place is a dump, why do i have to go?"

"Gather more resources before i'll be gone for a while"

That almost sounded like music to her ears. Almost.  
It also meant whatever could happen and whatever that may be, she might get dragged into it. But that's how the cookie crumbled, this was her life now.

"Fine" she answered, monotone. And got up from her seat. Pausing "It wasn't three men, was it?"

Higgs seemed taken aback by the sudden question and looked up towards her, then pinched the bridge of his nose. He didn't have to answer, he basically answered it for her.  
She wanted to sigh but, honestly she didn't care. A bit annoyed that he again, lied to her. However,seeing it from his perspective she could kind of see why he would lie about it. It still, end of the day didn't make it right. But that didn't mean she didn't like bringing it up every once in a while.  
She'd rather keep her mouth shut as it also affects her, keeping her reminded of it. But at this point it seemed to bug Higgs more than her.

"I'm gonna shower" she said and he gave her a sheepish nod. Sylf walked away from the food court, where she would normally bring the tray where she got it. To be polite, those days were over.  
As she stepped into the building a bunch of others were occupying the other showers, some women, some men. It was also apparent how every woman in camp looked at her differently, some were annoyed. Which was just, Sylf couldn't even fathom. None of this was her doing, or maybe in their eyes it was. And some merely looked at her like a fallen bird without her wings. She could see how much it also affected others. Clearly something like this hasn't happened before..  
Whilst she'd almost wanna try and understand the looks she was given, she had no room for it. It happened to -her- after all. And. It's rude to stare.  
She raised a brow to one of the female soldiers who went ahead and started a bit longer than Sylf enjoyed her to.

"Can i fucking help you?" she said calmly and the soldier merely gaped at her "I'll bite"

The woman shook her head when Sylf wanted to step forward and walk over to her, taking her bags and quickly walking past Sylf to get out of the building.  
But.... Sylf could just, not help herself. She grinned as she slightly extended her boot, the female soldier fell flat on her face and her bag's contents were spread over the tiles.

Sylf started laughing and as the woman rolled over there was a streak of blood running from her nose "You fucking psychopath" the woman spat out at her and Sylf shrugged.  
She stepped away from the woman and headed towards her 'quarters' which she.. Self proclaimed much rather. Her name wasn't on it, she didn't have any authority but yet. It was her favorite spot.  
So when she found it to be occupied by two other dudes she rolled her eyes and sighed audibly. One of them turned his head over his shoulder, to see Sylf sitting on the bench right in front of them. Facing the showers.  
She had her arms crossed and looked him straight in the eye, he seemed definitely confused as to why she would sit there and stare. But guessing from most of the flower scented stuff and lady supplies around. He guessed he was in her favorite spot.  
What made it worse was, what she didn't realize. He recognized her straight away and his face went pale.  
He was one of the men partaking in that dreadful night..  
Immediately he turned back to face the tiles, speed things up. Sylf really didn't seem to notice. As she had spend most of her time facing into the ground. Or to Higgs. Everything else was more so a blur. 

And so, the guy hurried. And once done he reached for the towel, obviously not trying to make eye contact with Sylf while doing so. His buddy had already left the shower and once the guy was done drying up a bit. He looked over to his bag of stuff that was next to Sylf.  
She noticed him glancing over, even more how he avoided every bit of contact from her. Which, she was trying to spark a reaction from him. She was staring at him taking a shower after all, it can't get more weird than that. Yet he said nothing.

"You like being watched?" she joked and immediately the guy shook his head. But as he leaned over to retrieve his things next to her, she smelled a glimpse of the soap he used. She frowned and all she could think about was agony, being cold and out of control.

And just like that her world wasn't just black and white.. Or a dull gray, she saw red.  
The last fuse in her brain snapped, her mind, her body took over and she lunged at the guy. Somewhere in her head this was amusing, how cliché it must be. Old fashioned fight in the showers. But right now it wasn't funny. The first thing she did was the most obvious, kick the guy in the nuts.  
She didn't just kick him though, she gave him the hardest knee in his crotch she could possibly muster and he doubled over in pain. And just as she wanted to start kicking him while he was on the ground, Higgs intercepted.  
He grabbed her by the waist like he usually would and pulled her back.  
She wasn't having it though.

"At least let me fuck him up!" she wriggled from his grap as best as possible. But easily overpowered her and held her by the shoulders.

"I can't let ya do that Sylf" she gave one last little thrash before she stopped at hearing her name, she calmed down slightly but nearly hissed like a cat with annoyance.  
She watched the guy get back to his feet as Higgs held her back. And as a 12 year old, not getting her way. She spit on the guy's shoulder as he walked off fast.  
Higgs couldn't help but laugh, while she had been getting a lot tougher. Less like herself, the little kid inside her was still there from time to time. He let her go now and Sylf regained her composure.

"What the hell was that?" Higgs asked "A girl comes out with a bloody nose, then.. Now this i can understand but what did she do?"

She huffed "She stared at me."

Higgs laughed again "Ah, the worst offense"

Sylf wanted to smirk, but no way in hell he deserves any of that. However Higgs was just conflicted between liking the new Sylf and hating it. He leaned more towards hating it.. But her little outburst was surely amusing.

"Fine go shower." he nodded over to her usual cubicle, responding with a nod of her own. She started to undress and as Higgs walked off he paused. Glancing over, not to look at her because she was getting nude. But more surprised by her lack of care of.. Being nude in general. But maybe that was just because she was around him and she was used to it now. But still.  
As she worked on her pants and pulled them down. He couldn't help but think she was flaunting a little. He shook his head to himself and walked off to mind his own business again.

She wasn't really flaunting, or maybe she was, not to her knowledge. She sighed and got under the shower. Doing her usual routine but skipping the sitting down part and relaxing for a bit.  
Once she was done technically she got out and wrapped a towel around her waist. Drying her hair with a separate towel. Thought not too bothered about getting it dry all the way, it was too long for that.  
Getting dressed rather quickly and threw the clothes she worked out in, in one of the bins near the washers. Going for the exit once she was done, outside there was timefall again and for the first time she sighed, annoyed again.  
She went through the trouble of drying her hair for it simply to get wet again, still she probably wouldn't have cared normally..

With a rug sack flung over her shoulder she walked back to the relieve tent where Higgs was sitting, near the exit sitting on a bench and just looking outside with.. What looked like a big cigarette.  
Once under the tent she put the bag down and raised a brow at him "What's that then?" 

"It's a cigar" he answered and held it out to her to try.

"It stinks" she didn't take it from him and crossed her arms.

"It does" he agreed, he took a drag from it and pulled a face, then putting it out on the wooden table next to him.

"Then why smoke it?"

"Some things take time, an acquired taste they call it."

"seems like a lot of trouble" she shrug one shoulder and looked outside as well.

"Old habits"

She wet her lips, unsure what to say. She wasn't much for conversations anymore. 

"I never liked beer growin' up, i do now." he continued and looked up toward Sylf. "C'mere"

Sylf softly frowned, eyeing him curiously "Why"

He pulled at the t-shirt she had put on, much like she would when trying to stop him in his tracks. And as he tugged she sat down next to him. He pulled out a cup of some sorts, it looked more like a used can of beans. But there was water in it.

"Do me a favor an' hold your hand in there for a while"

"Why, you want me to piss myself?"

"Wha'?"

"You know, you'd put someones hand in a glass of water to make them pee themselves in their sleep"

Higgs had honestly no idea what she was talking about. So she shook her head and took the can from him. Unsure what he wanted but she dunk her hand in there, keeping it in there for now.

"Why?" she asked, watching him lean back on the bench onto the table with his elbows.

" 'member when ya tried to choke me?"

She grinned slightly now "Yes, i do actually."

He smirked with a soft chuckle as well "Ya've been outside for hours, timefall. But when you dripped on me nothin' happened."

"ah, so what my pheromones or skin turns it into normal water?"

He shrugged one shoulder to her and then looked back outside "Perhaps"

Instead of doing the same rain gazing he was doing she looked at him instead. Followed the shape of his nose, down to his lips. She mentally sighed. She was more hurt than she liked to admit.. Which in many ways, was an understatement. But she couldn't help but be fond of these moments, where in the recent past. This was her safe space, the Higgs she wanted to be around. Mellow and wanting to talk.  
But now they had nothing.

After a good few minutes Higgs looked back over to her hand, reaching out to grab the can from her. He put it on the table and then held his hand over it "Well, moment of truth"

He dunk his own fingers into the can and where he expected to get burned, in a way of speaking. Nothing happened. Then he put in more of his hand, still nothing happened and he just frowned at the can. Staring at it for a while.  
She leaned back as well, trying to read his face.

"I didn't expect that." he took his hand out to check, no wrinkles, no damage. Nothing.

"So what does that mean?"

Sylf watched him stare at it a while longer, he leaned his cheek onto his fist. "I have -no- idea"

Then he looked up and glanced at her forehead. He gave her another slight frown, still she was surprised he had not even a small idea.

"Your brow was cut, it's healed up pretty much" he stared at her for a while, he was so busy with his own agenda he completely overlooked so many things.  
When she fell from the mountain that day, without much of a scratch. The few injuries she did have, she healed up pretty fast as well. And if anything, she had not been sick at all. Not that he knows at least.Where as to a month ago she'd be bed bound during heavy timefall.

She wanted to open her mouth to say something but he then grabbed her hand, pulling at some of the bandages to see her knuckles. Other than bruising, they seemed fine. Albeit, she -did- seem to heal much faster than he has seen before. 

"Did ya ever get any injuries?" he asked and she shook her head.

"Bruised my foot once, week something like that"

He nodded and let go of her hand, drying his other one on his pants. Looking back to her he caught her staring, he raised a brow. There was so much she wanted to do. End of the day, the feelings for him never died but they got twisted. It was a bitter sweet feeling.  
She shook her head to answer him and got up from the bench "mind if i take a hike?"

He still eyed her curiously, but eventually nodded. She was surprised, off to go without supervision? Damn.  
It didn't take her long to make him change his mind and she set foot outside the tent. Walking out of camp as Higgs nodded to one of the guards that it was fine for her to do so. 

Following the path for a while, which would normally lead to the incinerator. She took another turn, getting to a more open grassy area. The timefall was letting up slowly as well and she walked along a small river stream, clearing her thoughts. But honestly she was just stuck. If she ever had any morals, which she did. She surely has changed some for the worst, but the better one now was.. Standing up for herself. But, somewhere inside of her she didn't want to.  
Again, bitter sweet.

She sat down on a rock and overlooked the road, the trees, the water. She really wondered what the world would look like inhabited by animals. Having only seen a movie once or twice, she had -some- reference on nature before all this. Birds, fish in the water..  
Back then, for people to see a barren land, completely empty. It would just be weird, but this was their normal.  
She leaned her chin on her knees as she pulled them up. Wondering about it all, all the possibilities. For her, for others. What Sam was doing.. If she would ever run into Eden. What would she do? 

It was odd to think she would still pick Higgs, she doesn't even like him.  
But that was a lie.


	26. The machine.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Figured it was fitting to post a chapter on the day DS comes out on the pc.  
> Enjoyyy ~

They still spend the most time together than ever over the next few weeks. Training mostly, being around each other by mere convenience or reason. Not because she wanted to. Which was ironic, seeing how she wanted to be with him prior to everything.  
But she had progressed a fair amount. Her aim with a bow and rifle has gotten a lot better. Higgs would -almost- trust her with his life.   
Here and there were days where Higgs would be gone as usual. But nothing really transpired from that, nothing weird on the Void out department at least. She still always wondered what he was doing on those trips. But, she simply didn't care enough to truly ask. There was also a high change she really didn't want to know.   
In this case, the least the better.

He has also been working up to their trip back to Mama's lab. Planning on how to go about it and as he was focused on a document in front of him, his head leaned on his hand. Sylf walked over to the bench in the relieve tent, clicking her fingers and he looked up towards her.  
At this point he felt as empty as she did, or monotone much rather.

"Hm?" his voice sounded a bit hoarse.

"What are we doing? You said to pack"

He nodded and straightened his back "Well, we can ride, or i take ya there the risky way"

She bit on her lower lip at the thought and shrugged "you know, i don't care. We can TELEPORT there i guess"

He tapped his nail on the wood and thinned his lips, eyeing her but unsure if she was being serious. 

"I mean it's your beach, i don't see the issue"

He shook his head slowly "It's not, actually" pausing "that's why i'm not a fan of it"

She frowned, confused "what do you mean. I don't get it"

"It's someone else's.. Ya could say we work together. We're tied to -her- beach. I am."

She tried to make sense of it, but then shrugged again "Fine then, her beach i don't care i don't know her."

He chuckled "I'd rather keep it as last resort, so, we're drivin' "

"You have any idea how far that is?"

"Same distance teleportin' " he grinned, making her sigh. He just thinks he's the most funny shit. 

"Okay dad." again, shrugging she stepped away to go get her things. She was already completely suited up, geared and ready to go. The only thing Higgs had left to do was grab his cloak and BB. But as he wrapped up the documents, Sylf went ahead and did it for him. Putting the BB on the table along with his cloak.   
He looked up and guessed she was in a hurry. Fair enough, she had been stuck in camp for so long in a tedious work out routine.

"Fine, did ya pack food?" he asked as he stood up, attaching his BB and took his cloak, putting it over his shoulders.

She nodded to him and tightened the hair tie in her ponytail. Which she had been doing a lot lately, rather than keeping it down. She had to admit when you're this active it does get really annoying.

They both walked into the center of camp where a truck was waiting for them. It has gotten a lot more colder lately and even sometimes it seemed to snow, but they were close to a mountain so that wasn't that uncommon. But.. Still rather rare.  
Higgs had already packed the truck with the necessities and Sylf threw the remaining stuff she was asked to get, along with her own, in the back of the car. And as Higgs got into the driver seat, Sylf did the same and getting in on the other side.  
Setting down a bottle of water in the trucks door after she closed it, putting her seat belt on.

Higgs looked over and started the vehicle "if we follow the main roads we should be there fast enough"

Sylf merely nodded and slowly eased into the seat. Like she usually would, some things do remain the same.   
Staring out the window as Higgs took off, some soldiers in camp clearing out to make way. She held up her middle finger against the window as they drove past the soldier she so happily knee'd in the nuts. Making Higgs grin as he noticed in the corner of his eye.

And as he said they started their journey as he got onto the main road, she was quiet like usually. Well, recent, usually. Glancing over the landscape.

"You'll get to see the waterfall again" he mentioned, probably in hopes to start an actual conversation.

"Dope" she answered, head leaned onto her arm and slightly turned to look at Higgs. Seeing his efforts going to waste, she felt a bit bad. So she sighed and continued "Will we be able to see it from the road?"

"We can stop but we'll waste time" he went back to focusing on the road and she merely nodded.   
Slowly sinking more deeper into the seat, to a point where her arm was a pillow to rest on against the window. To a point where she started to doze off. Yawning into her arm and slowly but surely falling asleep.   
Waking up slightly every time they took a small turn. It was enough to make it go by faster at least. She wasn't such a big fan of cars anymore after being in one so many times.. And so long.  
When they passed the waterfall he did poke her to wake up and see, but she didn't catch much of it. Too sleepy, the swaying of the car truly didn't help. And so comfortably warm..

Maybe not to her knowledge, but they drove almost a day to get to Mama's lab. It was still as abandoned as how they left it.  
Higgs parked the truck right in front of the entrance, looking over to Sylf who was still snoozing. He turned off the engine and for a moment he wondered if he should just let her sleep. But it's been a decent time she's been sleeping. So he reached over to wake her up and for a moment she seemed disorientated.

"Higgs?" she rubbed her eyes and looked around, stretching.

"Yeah, we're here." he answered and got out of the car. Walking around it and going for the cargo in the back "can ya take the other bags?"

"yea..." she yawned and climbed out of the truck, taking the bags from the backseat and slowly walking towards the lab. She was a bit clumsy in her ways as she was still sleepy.   
Once inside she sat the bags down on the floor, she came to realize she hasn't been dreaming at all lately. She's sleeping longer, deeper.. And she can't remember any of it. It didn't worry her that much, except. It was a bit odd... Maybe just a phase.

Higgs followed up shortly, setting some stuff down. Sylf nodded to him "Isn't it weird how we raided this place only to bring stuff back?"

"If ya want to know, some of it is bedding" he put the last crate down " 'Cause -someone- is picky"

She frowned at him, the sucking up was almost.. No, she loved it. But that's what made her hate him, it was too easy sometimes. How the little things would matter. Not that odd when he gave her fuck all at the start.

"You just have bad bed taste" she rolled her eyes, then realizing if he brought bedding they'll probably be staying here for a bit.

"How long are we gonna be here then?" she asked and he shrugged his shoulders.

"Not too long" 

She just kind of stood there, not sure what to say or do. Or what was even expected of her. Higgs caught her indecisiveness and softly grinned "why not, go do the beddin' then"

She walked over to him "What am i working with, single or double beds?"

He kicked the crate he was standing next to "Neither, it's foam mats. Make a single, make a double.. Either way" he waved it off and walked back towards the truck. 

She lifted the crate and walked it over to the back of the lab, she remembered where the cot was last time she took a small nap here. And where there were a few windows, a little bit further. She put the crate down there and opened the top.   
She found what Higgs had described, couple of foam mats and she threw them on the floor. Followed by covers and little pillows. She was surprised he even thought of such a thing, the pillows were quite shitty though.   
When she was done she took off her gear and threw it into the crate next to the bed. Putting the top back on so it could serve like a tiny table she supposed. Then walking back to the front of the lab and looking through more smaller crates, finding a small lamp on batteries. She took it and brought it to the make shift bed. Putting it down on top of the crate.  
And as she wanted to walk away again she looked back at the bed, realizing she made it one unit.. Probably out of habit..

Higgs rather creeped up on her, he removed his cloak and looked over her little creation. He chuckled "Cozy"

Sylf looked over to him and as he took his BB off, she noticed his hair had grown quite a bit.   
Give it a month or two and he could probably force it into a tiny ponytail.  
She guessed he'd been too consumed into whatever he was doing to really pay notice to it.   
Higgs put the cloak and BB near the crate next to the bed, turning to Sylf. Who just had a clueless look on her face. 

He crossed his arms as he glanced over towards the bed, like her he was just as surprised "Thought ya didn't like me anymore"

"Yeah, i thought so too." she paused at looked at Higgs, she's gotten more used to all versions now. It feels like, however the past few weeks Higgs has been the most 'consistent' he's ever been.   
But she also knew, it could change.  
She bit her lip and walked up to the 'bed', kicking softly at it to slightly separate the two mats. She then looked over to Higgs to see him raise his brows at her.

"Oof, rejection." He joked, trying to smirk it off but it halfway failed and he just pulled a sour face.

"Deal with it" she mumbled and stepped away to go for the exit, possibly grab some more things. She was halted when Higgs grabbed her lower arm, not hard but to stop her. "what?"

He paused, looking at her arm and then shook his head "Never mind"

She slightly frowned as he let her go, sort of wanting to ask him what was actually on his mind. But he walked away from her. She glanced over to where he was going, seeing a door leading to another room she raised a brow.  
But then again, it didn't really interest her enough. Of course the building has more rooms... In general, she could care less.  
She walked toward the front of the lab where the terminal was, to a bookshelf to glance over the books on display. The ones that they didn't take much rather.   
For some reason her eyes stopped on a book called 'make up 101' and she pulled it out, skimming over some of the pages. She never used make up herself but she remembered her mom used to.  
The 'art' of painting your face never quite appealed to her, but thinking about it now it seems fun.

"Hey Sylf?" at the mention of her name she stood upright putting the book away, it sounded like it came from another room. Guessing Higgs was still elsewhere she walked back into the lab, going for the door he went into and walked inside. It was quite dark, the only light was an oil lantern on a small dining table. Some chairs around it.  
Looking more closely she noticed it almost seemed like an office break room. There was a fridge and everything. The other side of the wall had windows but with blinds blocking off the view from the other side.   
Higgs repeated himself and it came from around the corner, she walked to the other side of the windowed wall and this room was way more open. Higgs was standing over a cupboard.  
He had a grin on his face.

"What did you find now.." she said, almost weary.

"weed" he scoffed and pulled out a small black zip lock bag.

Sylf slightly frowned and shrugged her shoulders, unsure what he was getting at. "weeds?"

"Weed, you can smoke it."

She raised a brow and stepped closer taking the bag from him "it's drugs?"

He nodded with a grin, taking it back and pocketing it "pretty hard to find around these areas, ya think Mama got a bit high during her work?"

She shrugged again "maybe, why the interest?" 

"I know why, i want to show ya somethin' come on" he signaled her over and stepped away. The entire room was too dark to really make out where they were. But the one thing she did notice it, it was big, it had some echo to it as they were talking.

She trailed behind Higgs, almost bumping into him and he turned around towards her. Putting both of his gloved hands on each of her upper arms "Stay here"

Again she frowned a little, what was he up to? 

Higgs walked away from her, hearing his boots echo through the room. When he stopped she heard some messing around, the pushing of buttons and then what sounded like a disc running in a video player.  
Soon the room started to light up, not really though. A light was cast from a device where Higgs was standing, he turned towards her and pointed up.  
She glanced upward and softly gasped.  
The entire ceiling of the room was filled with a starry sky. Slowly moving, replicating space.

She was so entranced, she didn't even notice Higgs stepping up beside her. "Guessin' she had weed for this."

She blinked and turned her head towards Higgs, the projector cast even the slightest bit onto them.   
Reaching out to Higg's hood, she pulled it down to see his face. He seemed a bit bewildered. Or, like he was about to say something. Just unsure of what.  
Although the struggle seemed somewhat cute, she can't recall ever seeing him this way.

Her face dropped a little, sad she looked back up to the sky above her. So conflicted in so many ways.   
Most of her dreams consisted of that, the stars, nature. Maybe her beach, it was something she always wanted to see. Albeit, it wasn't real. Still she was touched.  
She couldn't even ever recall telling him, maybe he knew?  
Maybe he didn't even know at all, he just wanted to show her this. Either way.. He wanted to show it to -her-

All the while, Higgs hadn't said a word. She mustered the awkward.. And the conflict. Turning her head back to him, he was looking up as well. He seemed more sad than her however.  
Her eyes trailed down, to his posture, his arms, his hands. They were balled up in fists.

Carefully she reached over and pinched the side of his glove, it didn't went unnoticed but she continued anyway. Pulling the glove off slowly.  
As it dropped to the floor her fingers reached for his, brushing over his pinky finger, curling into his fingers and just sighed feeling his skin on her own.   
It had been a long few weeks..

She could feel his gaze burning down on her, but she still just stared at his fingers. Which finally responded and he took her small fingers into his hand. Holding hers gently.  
But slowly he started to squeeze, demanding her to look up.

And what she saw was just, a pained expression. An upset frown as he was fixated on her hand "I get it now" he mumbled. "An' it makes me sick to my stomach"

"hm?" she raised a brow, reading him closely.

He let go of her hand "I killed someone that night, but then, every once in a while that someone comes out, that reminds me of you."

She frowned, trying to understand.

"I don't think i realized what that really meant.. An' now.." he frowned deeper "I've done somethin' i can't take back.. I want -her- back"

She nodded slowly, biting her lip "The irony is.. That's how I felt." she could see he was confused, so she continued "So many sides of.. You, it was confusing. But there was the.. What i would hope, the true you deep inside. I loved that person."

He nodded as well "I think i loved that someone as well"

"You think or you know?"

He sighed and just looked at her, shrugging one shoulder "I still do"

She squinted her eyes a little, she wasn't sure if he meant to but.. That was oddly perfectly said. Too perfect she almost second guessed him, but he seemed truly awkward about it. There was no follow up, not a punch line to it.. Just that.  
Did he just say he loves her..?

Well. That's just, great.

Most of her being, her heart wanted to grab him, kiss him. Whatever, just so the moment wouldn't go away. And to finally just.. Let go.  
I would be so easy.  
A perfect movie moment. Except..

She grabbed his hand again "That's really neat. But you, scare, me"

He thinned his lips and eyed her over, he could see the actual hurt, the hurt she's been hiding for weeks behind her tough shell. That he has build up for her, forced her to. To survive and stay mentally stable.  
If it didn't hit before, it surely hit him how far he has pushed her. Even when he knew this.. He was there. Present, consciously making the decision to manipulate her to his liking.   
It becomes such a different thing when feelings are involved, to where now, it makes his stomach turn.   
And he realized what he needed to do.

"I... Let my ego, the image i created for myself. Get so out of hand.. I hurt someone i love." he paused, thinking "that bein' said.. I.. " He sighed "There is nothing i can say. It's fucked, i .. An' I'll continue every day to make it up to you"

The struggle became a lot cuter when the elephant was out of the room. 

She nodded, squeezing his fingers "we'll see" and as she looked down, she softly grinned. It wasn't really for him to see. She wanted him to work for it.

"Take your clothes" she said dry-ly.

He raised his brows and his eyes went big "uh, yes ma'm?"

"Don't get any ideas" she let go of his hand and took a step back "the gear, all the protective pads.. I hate it. So.. Yeah."

He shrugged but followed her request, taking off everything bit by bit. And when he was down to only the t-shirt, pants and his boots. He went for the seam of the t-shirt to pull it up, she stopped him.

"That's fine" she mumbled, stepping closer again. She hesitated at first but reached her arms around Higgs' waist. Her palms trailed over the shirt on his sides, locking her hands onto his back.  
Pressing her cheek to his chest and just, hugging him tightly.   
It didn't take him long to respond and he wrapped his own arms around her shoulder. His own cheek on top of her head.  
Which wasn't something he'd done before, but it surely wasn't unwelcome. 

They stood there like that for a while. Time wasn't really something that was on her mind anyway. Although then Higgs moved his arms, hands going for each side of Sylf's face. He pulled her head upward and just looked at her. She blinked a bit awkwardly as the projected occasionally beamed onto her face.  
His thumbs trailed over her cheeks and she gave him a soft smile.  
He figured he would try and push his luck, he dipped down and went for a kiss on her lips. It took her by surprise naturally, not so much that it happened. But that she wasn't against it. It felt natural, whatever vibe Higgs was radiating. It didn't feel like danger, it felt safe.

She almost missed the prickle of his short chin hairs onto her skin. Her fingers took hold of the back of his t-shirt and she kissed him back. And so in a way she did have her movie moment after all.   
Stupid Higgs.


	27. Almost nothing.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey long time no speak! This took a while to do, i've been ill, my pet has been ill. What a ride.  
> I'm sorry to update the story with so little :( i hope everyone has been well! Ty everyone for the kudos and comments so far.
> 
> title is a song from Silent Poets ^^

Sylf was staring up to the ceiling. The starry sky was still beaming from the projector onto the ceiling and walls.   
She was completely out of it and she didn't even smoke much. However it wouldn't take much for her to get high, she has no tolerance for it.   
They had been talking on and off about either complete nonsense like old TV shows from a time where they weren't even born, to Sylf trying to pry out some of Higgs' past. While he wasn't against telling her, he seemed off about it and she didn't want to pressure it. Though, she felt a bit entitled to it. Seeing how he was trying to gain her trust back.  
In the corner of her eye she could see Higgs arose, they both laid down on the floor as they were toking up.

"Where you going?" 

"We should really go to bed Wallaby"

She glanced around and then back to Higgs "I don't see why we can't sleep here?"

He raised a brow and looked down to the floor "Not like this we're not"

Higgs stepped away and started walking out the room. Sylf turned to her stomach, watching him exit the room and she waited patiently. After a short while the door to the room opened again, with Higgs and the make shift beds carried in his arms. 

"You need help with that?"

Higgs shook his head but as he walked over the threshold the blankets fell from his arms, he sighed "ye.."

Sylf smirked and walked over to him, though getting up was a bit wonky. On her way back up she felt lightheaded, giggling as she took the blanket from the floor "I put so much effort into making the bed.."

"Don' complain" he walked back over to the spot they were in, throwing the foam beds to the floor and walking back again "Jus' gonna get the pillows"

She nodded and threw the blanket onto the bedding. Looking over her shoulder for Higgs, she wasn't going to wait however and she laid back down.   
After a while he came back in with the pillows and the other blanket, throwing it down on top of her. She emitted a small yelp in surprise, completely zoning out. 

"Where's the exit?" she was struggling to get from under the blanket, Higgs crouched down and pulled it from her, leaving her hair a complete mess.

"How high are you?" he asked as she was sitting back up. Getting a small snort from her, innocent at first it just turned into a full giggling fit.   
He shook his head with a small sigh. Re-evaluating his decisions to share weed with her.  
Something he didn't really think he'd be doing today anyway.

"move" she shoo'd him so she could properly lay the bedding down, in her own OCD ways. He moved to allow her space and once she was done she laid back down, him joining her and flopped down with another, this time, relieved sigh.

She turned his head towards him, eyeing as he's enjoying the lights on the ceiling. "so uh, tell me something.." and even as the words left her mouth she could see Higgs shaking his head in respond.

"I don' know what you'd want to know, it's not interestin'"

"Well, for example how'd you grow up?"

He scoffed "ah that's a great one, i dislike that one the most"

She looked back to the ceiling, frowning to herself. However.. There was still this sense of entitlement inside of her. He had a lot of making up to do.. "Tell me anyway"

She could hear him physically groan in respond, but she was surprised when he told her 'fine'. Followed by him laying more comfortable, relighting the blunt.

"It's jus' a bit depressin'..." he took a drag and shrugged his shoulders "Parents died at a young age, well, young age for me. Grew up with my uncle for the most part.. He was a right dick-head" he snickered, exhaling the smoke from his mouth. But as she turned her head back to him she could tell it quite stung.   
He was pretty good at hiding his true nature, but even he had his flaws. They were slightly showing and she was wasn't mad at it.

However then he groaned, rolling his eyes. His arms moving behind his head, seemingly uncomfortable. "If ya're wondering why I do the things I do. It's not 'cause of this, but.. He uh, was a bit loose with his hands."

"what?"

"He beat me" he took another drag.

She frowned deeper now, she wasn't even going to bring up what Higgs did to her, surely she would wonder and.. Guess his own past didn't help. Shaping him to what he is now.. But apparently not to him "Why then?"

He raised a brow turning his head to look at her now, softly thinning his lips. "Ya won't like the answer" he held out his hand, offering the blunt to her.

She took it from him, taking a drag and trying not to cough again. "Meh. Go for it."

" 'Cause i wanted to. I chose this path a long time ago, but not after all that. Not after the beatin'.. Or, when I killed him after years of abuse. Not even the years that followed after. I chose this." he glanced off again "I suppose it's hard to believe that i wasn't completely traumatized by it, i lived quite some happy life after.. T'was tough. But, i got bored"

She seemed a bit puzzled after that...

"Ya're surprised? Not every bad guy has this overly troubled past, if anythin'-" he stopped mid sentence and shook his head "It doesn't matter"

She shrugged a shoulder "How would you even know it didn't affect you?" she looked down to her hand, noticing the blunt has gone out. Ash having fallen onto the sheets. She put it down behind them for now.

"Cause he meant nothin' to me. The beating meant nothin' to me. What would've hurt me more was tellin' me how useless I was, cause I was. I put up with it."

She didn't quite knew what to say, if anything he learned from there on playing on one's mind works far better than actually laying a hand on someone. But, he did both, to her.  
And here they are.  
She rolled onto her stomach, also rolling closer to Higgs at the same time. It was a rather strange situation they were in, that was putting it lightly. It seemed even more weird for her knowing they're finally somewhat at an equal level. Although she couldn't say for certain. He may have more ticks up his sleeves.  
Deciding to give an amount of zero fucks she reached over with her hand, brushing hair back from his forehead, eyeing the symbols carved into his skin. Again she felt like asking, but it was also not that interesting anymore.. The things she couldn't see or hear, that's the stuff she wanted to know about. 

She knew he was closely eyeing her, wondering about what she would cook up in that head of hers, whatever she wanted to know of him.

"You need a haircut" she finally said, running her hand through the blonde hair.

"I'll get it cut if you do" he joked.

"Sure" she shrugged her shoulders and pulled her hand back, leaning on her elbows.

"Really? Your long hair?"

"Why not?"

"I don' know. Ya seemed rather attached to it."

She shook her head with another small shrug, there was just.. This actual question burning on the back of her mind. Unrelated to all of this, but somehow wondering what he would say regardless, too curious. And maybe she already knew the answer.

She sighed "Did you ever wanted something, but didn't go for it or humor it because it's wrong to do..?"

"Ye, all the time, I just go for it. Why would ya not?"

She nodded, of course he does. "Because.. Well it's complicated"

"No you jus' make it complicated." he grinned.

"You're saying that but.. You made it complicated, should I just completely ignore my morals and what i learned whats right?"

He was a bit confused at first, but slowly getting what she was trying to say. Figuring, she's referring to her struggle accepting to stay with him even when she hates him. "Hm.. Ya're regrettin' our partnership?"

She bit her lip "No.. There's so many things i wan't to do. Idle inside my body, things i want to say.. But I'm so stuck. Because they're.. Just wrong. I want to. I don't know." frustrated she sighed and rubbed her forehead.

"Are these feelin's something that you were taught? Or do -you- really feel this way?"

"I- Maybe. My parents always told me you shouldn't give anyone anything whose isn't willing to do the same for you or.. That, what has happened to me. It doesn't deserve being ignored. And certaintly doesn't deserve to be humored, with positivity.. Like, it's okay that it happened."

He mentally groaned, the light bulb finally lit up now and he softly shook his head, wanting to say something before she continued.

"And everything else." she eyed him "how the fuck do i know i'm not a byproduct of manipulation, I keep second guessing myself if what i feel is real?"

He truly had to rub his eyes at that one, the weed had kicked in way earlier and the complicated words she was throwing at him were melting his brain. Higgs sighed. "No, what you feel is what's real. Emotions are real... Ya may hate me, but hate is still a loving emotion."

He met her eyes as well, making her slightly uncomfortable but she fought the urge to look away "If i submit to this.. What if i'll go mad?"

"We'll go mad together?"

Her heart dropped..  
But again, the big concrete wall. It's so high up and strong, it immediately clogged her brain. Screaming 'NO' at her. This is wrong, he doesn't deserve anything in the slightest, but she wanted to so bad.. She frowned "You're already there, i'd just be joining you."

"You have a choice" he looked down to the spot where she was laying, then back to her. Holding out his hand. "Ya can choose to lay there at a distance hatin' me. Or you join me. I don't... Wanna toot my own horn but the latter is more entertaining" he grinned.

She frowned deeper "Tell me something, if i asked to leave.. Knowing what you know now, saying you care for me. Would you let me? You know.. When you love something, let it go."

He bit his bottom lip, still holding out his hand. But unsure what to answer "Maybe i would."

She knew she wasn't going to get a decent answer to it, however there was still a voice inside her that said she was immune to him by now. Making her believe that deep down he truly didn't want to kill her.

For a while she stared at the hand, wanting to take his advice.. Even coming from him it made sense. Maybe it was another tactic from him but, she did feel like it was complicated for no reason, why not take what she wanted?  
She slowly reached out, taking the hand and Higgs squeezed her palm. "We live in a fucked up world, might as well make the most out of it" he added. Leaving a peck on her fingers before he let go.

She smiled to herself and laid her head down into the pillow "I don't wanna sleep" 

"Then don't."

She pouted a little, feeling rather tired anyway. Tired and high. But for a while now it felt like time was standing still, she didn't want it to end.  
Reaching over with her hand, grabbing the front of his shirt, pulling him closer. "Be sweet with me"

"what?" he moved closer to her but unsure what she was really looking for.

The tugging on the fabric got a bit more insisting and she nestled against him. She sighed "you'll figure it out"

Higgs scoffed softly, slightly put in place but this evening he would let her get away with a lot of things. He wrapped his arms around her, one snaking under her neck. The other moving to the small of her back and pushing her against him. She smiled softly as she nuzzled her nose into her favorite place, the crook of his neck.   
Oh how she missed that.

And the scent of him, he didn't wear anything like cologne or.. Deodorant or soap that was strong enough to linger. This scent was uniquely his. And regardless of what he done, it was a scent of comfort to her.   
Moments like these.  
She couldn't ever associate it with someone.. Bad.

Her hand lingered lower and went back to his t-shirt. Glancing down as she pulled it upward, watching his skin under her fingers ripple slightly at the sudden touch.  
Exloring the now naked skin, she trailed near his bellybutton, finding a scar she never seen before. Then again there was a lot she never really paid attention to, the moments he were naked were fleeting moments. Flashes in her mind.  
He didn't ask what she was doing, he just glanced down at her, looking at her hand or nothing in particular. To just finally closing his eyes. It was rather nice, all of this. He could get used to it.  
The caressing wasn't anything sexual or actual, caresses. More curious in nature than anything. Also something he should've been used to by now, her lack of experience.   
He felt her shifting, along with his shirt which she now seemed to be sick off. She gave him a look and he snickered, helping her and taking it off.  
The moment it flew behind him she reached for one of his nipples and softly twisted it.

"Ow shit! What the fuck!" he laughed and covered his nipple.

"Sorry, guess my brain hasn't fully accepted it all yet" she joked with a small grin.

He looked down, pulling a face "I think ya pulled a hair out too, fuckin' hell. Nice way of ruinin' a moment"

"shut up." she propped up on her elbow. Leaning against him and placing her hand back on his stomach.

"Yes ma'm" he put his arms behind his head.

She chuckled at his obedience and run her fingers over another scar, this one a bit bigger than the other, on his side "What's this then?"

"Got stabbed" he winked and she just shook her head at his casual comment. "I heal fast, Anythin' else ya'd like to know?"

She shrugged her shoulder again, laying her hand flat on his chest "Umm.. Girlfriends?"

Higgs raised a brow "what? If i had them? Yes." when he answered and she still looked at him curiously, he sighed figuring he had to elaborate "Jus' a few.. My body c- Nah" he wanted to say his bodycount was lower than hers. But, even when in his mind that made sense and seemed funny. Seeing how he wanted to change his attitude around her, for once the words didn't pass his lips.

"It's not important" he finished, she somewhat had a suspicion it was going down a road that wasn't really for her ears anyway. 

Sylf nodded softly, creeping closer again and this time just laid her head down on his chest. Reaching down with her free hand to pull the blankets up. 

"Wait-" he stopped her, sitting up slowly and reached down to take his boots off. Realizing she was still fully dressed she did the same, throwing her boots off and zipping out of her jumpsuit. Occasionally receiving a small glance from Higgs over his shoulder and she chuckled.   
Once just in her sports bra and undies she hesitated, she was -not- feeling like sleeping in a sports bra. Or what she liked to refer to it as: booby prison.  
She figured, yeah.. Just take it off, why was she so shy all of the sudden? For this version of Higgs? The game was over, there was no need.. Then again she was probably just shy around all of him to begin with. Always..

Her eyes widened when Higgs went for his pants, unzipping and taking them off. Being met with a good view of his bits when it became clear he wasn't wearing underwear "Jesus Higgs"

He laughed and pulled the blankets back up, she was just sitting there with a red face like she has never seen it before.

"Commando, really?" 

He shrugged with a side grin and laid back down. Meanwhile she was still hesitant, more than usual. She slightly jumped when she felt a hand on her back, shivering at the sudden but not unwanted touch. The small hair on her arms stood upright and she looked over her shoulder.   
Higgs trailed his index finger over her spine, eyeing his own movements. Much like her just taking in the moment. She sighed contently in response and hooked her fingers into the sports bra, pulling it over her head and casting it aside.  
His hand moved up, feeling the indents in her skin where the elastic of the bra once resided. Softly stroking before pulling her down.

"isn't it super uncomfortable, commando?" she asked, a bit awkward as she was pulled against him under the covers, he snaked his arm around her shoulders and covered her mouth.

"Jus' relax" she nodded with a chuckle and he removed his hand again, getting comfortable on the makeshift bed.   
Her head was on his shoulder, her body snuggled up against his side. It didn't take her long to find her usual spot, nudging her face into the crook of his neck.  
It was a cute thing he rather loved and not realizing he actually missed it.. The few times they did sleep together.

He was staring up to the ceiling, words stuck in his throat. Things he wanted to say, or do. But even after what they've been through, even for him it was still a bit hard to shake his own walls off. The persona and game he had set for himself many years ago.  
So, he said nothing.  
After a while the lights of the projector died down, it was either on a timer or ran out of power. And the room went completely dark. But not a single word from Sylf.  
Her body had also gone completely limp against him, her muscles completely relaxed and her breathing was slow.. Yeah she was definitely asleep.

He sighed "goodnight" he whispered to no one in particular.


	28. Puzzle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I've got nothing haha, enjoy!

Higgs' eyes flew open, immediately sitting upright and breathing heavy.. He had a nightmare.  
With a sigh he rubbed his face realizing where he was, not a worry in the sky. Not now at least.   
Beside him was empty as he hovered his hand over to his left. No Sylf, he frowned a little and reached over to his clothes to find a watch stored into one of his pockets. It was well over Eleven AM.  
He reached for his pants, standing up and putting them on as he scanned the big empty room for any signs of Sylf. But as he looked over to the kitchen area he scoffed. Unsure what she was doing, it seemed like dancing.   
There was no music though.

He buttoned his pants and barefooted he walked to the door to the little kitchen. Standing in the doorway as he watched her slave over the furnace.   
As he looked closer he noticed she had earbuds in, connected to an old iPod.   
Where did she even find all this? 

He pocketed his hands into his army pants, leaning against the door frame with a smirk on his face. And upon further inspection she had stolen his shirt. She really did watch too many movies, where she had the time, again he couldn't tell.  
But if this wasn't a picture perfect scenario.. He couldn't tell what would.  
She was stirring into a pot and beside her he could see 2 cans, probably soup. He was impressed, knowing canned soup can go for ages. Still surprised she found some.

He called out to her, but no response.   
He almost felt like he should prank her somehow, doesn't seem like the picture perfect scenario. Which is exactly what he didn't want. However cute she might find it, it wasn't in his nature.  
Biting his bottom lip he grinned. Slowly walking up behind her, however she noticed shadows moving in front of her and she went to remove the earbuds. But Higgs had already creeped up on her. She yelped and his arms went around her waist.  
For.. What she assumed was a good morning greeting, a cute hug.   
Instead Higgs took the hem of the t-shirt she was wearing and started tugging it up.

"NNYOO" she yelled out and Higgs laughed, pulling it over her head she dropped the big stirring spoon to the floor.

Higgs held the t-shirt behind his back with a grin, watching her cover herself up "That's mine y'know"

"aw come on i didn't have anything easy to wear" she made a slight pout, but.. At the same time she saw an opportunity to be clingy and cliché.  
She smirked back and wrapped her own arms around his waist to 'grab' the shirt back from him. Instead she locked her hands against his spine and planted her head to his chest. Obnoxiously placing wet smooches onto his skin and he started to shimmy.

"Fiiine fine fine ya can have it" he let go of the shirt, squirming a tiny bit. By no means did he really meant to break free from her, he could if he wanted to.

"Nah you like this, a little" she stopped the obnoxious smooching and went back to just hugging him.

"I hate it." he wrapped his arms around her in return and looked over to the soup "Where'd ya find that?"

"Cabinets." she smiled onto his chest and finally let go to pick up the spoon. Walking over to the faucet to rinse it off and place it back into the soup. Which slowly started to steam. "It's not a typical breakfast but.. It's what we have."

"We have rations in the car ya know- but soup is fine" he walked over to the small rounded table in the middle of the kitchen and sat down on one of the chairs. Looking over to the discarded t-shirt on the floor "I don't remember the last time i slept this long"

"Isn't it nice though?" she stirred the soup a little, then leaned her butt against the counter. Crossing her arms and looking back over to Higgs.

He made it a small challenge to not stare at her chest, he was a grown man, the power of tits shall not get to him today. "Kind off... Did ya find coffee?"

She shook her head and turned the stove off. Seeing the disappointment in his face "none in the truck?"

Sylf poured soup into two bowls and set them down on the table where Higgs was at, he shook his head. She picked up the shirt from the floor and put it back on, a bit to Higgs' approval. Sitting down in front of her soup bowl and softly blowing at it.

"What kinda soup is it anyway?" he asked taking a sniff.

"Meal soup" 

"Meal soup?"

"Yeah, i remember my mom preparing some back when i was a kid. That's how she called it at least"

He shrugged and just started eating, leaving her staring for a little while at how unbothered he seemed with the steaming heat. Whilst she kept blowing on her spoon before even putting it to her mouth.

"It's, decent" he mumbled.

She snorted after clearing her mouth "It's shit, it's bland.."

He nodded with a chuckle, however he wasn't going to complain. He ate most of it while she left half. She pushed the bowl forward and shook her head. "Nope" she clearly didn't like it. Getting up and taking both bowls to put them back on the kitchen counter.   
Turning back around to catch Higgs staring, he gave her a weak smile at being caught. Leaning forward into his seat and resting his elbows on the table.

"I've got a question" he said looking down at his knuckles. 

She shrugged a shoulder in response "Okay?"

"Well.. As much as i'd like to do right by you, all that.. I don' know what ya'd want me to do, or not to do. You get where i'm goin'?"

She smirked a little, crossing her arms and leaning against the counter. It wasn't much like Higgs to dance around any subject, she was unsure if he was doing it for her.. Or he was actually that awkward about it.

When she didn't answer, he sighed "Y'know, give a guy a bit of direction"

Chuckling now, she bit her bottom lip "I mean.. Maybe try and find out?"

He raised a brow "Ya're not gonna freak on me if i do?" it almost seemed a bit like a trap to him.

"I'd just ask you to stop, wait. We're talking about sex right?"

Higgs scoffed "Yeah.. It's part of it"

She stepped away from the counter and sat back down in the chair in front of him. Pulling her legs up onto the seat, wrapping her arms around her knees. "Elaborate then"

"Well.." he wasn't quite sure where to start. Being as indecisive as he is, was almost quite new to him as well. It's as annoying as it was refreshing to try different approaches, just because of one person. And.. Actually trying. "Alrigh'.. I am not goin' to pretend to be a good person. By the way, i don't want to hurt you. Not more at least"

She nodded slowly, still unsure where he was taking this.

"I.. I enjoy being who I am. Do you get that?"

She nodded again "I guess i get what you mean."

"I enjoy my work, I enjoy playing with people." he gave her another weak smile "It's not brought on by trauma.. Not 'bout to deny that it didn't do anythin'. But.. This is it. I chose this."

She sighed "I'm not asking you to be different, i'm asking you to treat me as your equal. As i chose to be here.. Rather than being forced into it."

He nodded. It still didn't erase what he has done to her. And this is not something that is going to stop. Maybe towards her, but his tactics and ways of how he handles his 'work'.. She was going to be continuously exposed to it.

He looked down to his hands, then hers. "Ya've chosen a damn dark path though." he looked back up "And, it's a lot of trust you put in me. And there's gonna be times where you'll get scared or, hurt.. Ya'd still trust me?"

For some reason it felt like he was back paddling. Maybe he was, but at the same time she gets the message that's being said deep down. Whether or not she has the thick skin to work with him.

When he saw her doubting he sighed "I didn't forget what i said.. I'd still avoid it around you if ya want me to."

Then she finally shook her head. "No.. That's not what we agreed on. If i'm not around any of that-.. Let's just cut to the chase. And just say what you mean? Are you talking anything traumatic to me.. or?"

"No"

"Alright. I'm with you" she firmly crossed her arms.

"Do ya trust me to do things to -you- then?"

Her heart skipped a beat, she wasn't sure why. Something in what he said sparked something, it almost felt exciting. "Like?"

"I don' know. Nothing you couldn't handle"

She tilted her head a little, trying to get a good read on his face, but he had his classic Higgs' poker face. "Give me an example" 

"An example.." he tapped his finger, thinking "Alright. Have ya ever been hurt to a point where there was life changing injury or low mortality rate?"

"What?" she frowned a little.

"Literally. Everything i've done."

She glanced off, sinking her nails into her arm a bit as she thinks. The first time, he knocked her out. All she was left with that was a lot of sleep, nothing major.. Rape.. The latter incident she wouldn't want to think of. But.. As she remembers it, she never was injured. Not badly at least..  
She was drugged. Which just resulted in one of her best sleeps thus far.  
The only thing that Higgs has done to her, that left damage she'll have for life.. Was mental.   
The one thing he wasn't going to do anymore.

"so, you want to clock me?" she chuckled a little, nervously.

"No" he grinned "wait- do you?"

She shook her head "n-.. No, probably not"

"Prooobably not? Okay." he snickered "Ya seem very indecisive. I wouldn't clock ya.. Not like that at least." he gave her a warning look, it didn't mean anything but he was just testing the waters. She didn't respond really except awkwardly nodding while her eyes were fixed on the table between them.  
He smiled, it was rather cute. He hasn't seen her 'shy' for months now.

"you want me to make the decision for ya?" the words rang through her head, there was not a single touch yet warmth raced through her body.   
Maybe this truly was a match made in perfect and she just happened to be more kinky than she thought she was.. Or was it taught on? Did negative experience turn itself upside down to a point where she almost craves it?  
Some things do work like that. Whatever the source of it, she couldn't deny to herself that it turned her on.   
Something Higgs wasn't entirely oblivious to either. By now, he would almost sniff it out. Even the months when they were barely on speaking terms. Purely business, have there been heated moments. Awkward or hungry stares.

Her stomach rolled as Higgs got up, not in the bad kind. Almost like butterflies. Her attention was immediately fixated on Higgs, turning her torso to him. He leaned and his hands moved to her legs "hold onto me" he said softly beside her head and she wrapped her arms around his neck.  
His hands hooked under her knees and lifted her out of her seat. Not far though, he sat her ass down onto the table where he could stand between her legs. All she could think off was where it was going to lead, that and the random thought that he just smelled extra nice.  
His hands went behind her back, pulling her closer by the waist. She was still a bit awkward on the other hand, again unsure what to do with her hands. He grinned and reached his hands up. Taking the his t-shirt she had on with it. Not entirely pulling it over her head but hooking it behind her, trapping her arms and she squeaked as he tied the sleeves. 

"I solved your problem." he was still smirking while she just grew more uncomfortable with her arms up in a hold behind her neck, so he pushed her back against the table.  
He couldn't remember a time where she was more exposed, but he was surely amused with it. That and.. Her incapability to do anything at this point. "Ya trust me right?" he just wanted to make sure.

"What? This is nothing, you tied me up wooooah crazy." 

He snickered "Okay, i'm not the one flushing ear to ear"

She thinned her lips in a small sulk, just adding more fuel to his fire. He pushed her a bit further onto the table, hooking her legs up and she protested slightly at first. Then his fingers hooked around her underwear, pulling them off and leaving them hanging on one thigh.   
Higgs leaned one hand onto the table as the other spread her leg even further. Again she looked at him in discomfort, eyeing him as he enjoyed the view. He was so casual about it, so dirty. Her breathing grew faster and she bit down on her lip.

He smirked again "If ya're so bothered by it why are you so wet?" She softly growled in response, wanting to move her leg but Higgs held her thigh in place against his side.

"Somethin' just.. A slight hunch maybe, tells me you're into this.. Maybe being used?"

She huffed "No.." biting down the words at first, maybe some day she'd admit to all the things going through her mind. "By you,i might"

He raised a brow and then his glance went down again. Eyes fixed on where their crotches met "How long has it been..?" his fingers trailed down her thigh and her breath hitched.

"For me... Or for you?" the response almost sounded bitter and as the last part of the sentence left her mouth, his fingers had trailed by her labia. Slightly dipping his thumb in between.

Higgs emitted a small groan in annoyance. He didn't meant to, but neither did she probably. "I mean both"

She was slightly relieved Higgs moved on from the subject, she indeed didn't mean to sound like that. She scanned for his eyes and gave him a small smile. He met hers as his thumb rubbed over her clit. Her hips made a small jump.

"Mm well, months.. Lot of months" she finally answered. Sucking in her breath as he lazily circled his thumb around the sensitive nub. For him at least: he hardly did anything and it had her squirming this much. Was she really that overstimulated?  
He wasn't wrong, in her past has she masturbated, sure. But sometimes it would almost be so overly sensitive, it would just be uncomfortable. Higgs somehow found pleasurable middle-ground she never felt before. Leaving moans escaping her mouth and slowly breaking her shy walls down. To a point where she almost forgot she was tied up and now wanting to move her hands, grab at Higgs and just have him take her.  
Only after a short moment did he catch on, her breath hitched in moments where he barely did anything. And he could see the cogwheels in her head turning. Where words were burning on her tongue but was too afraid to outwardly say.

"Tell me, have ya missed me in those months?" he agonizingly slowed down the movements with his thumb and she mewled, arching her back. The words ring through her like they always would. And yes even in those months. Whatever was going through her pretty little head that would leave her heart racing.. And even now is too embarrassed to admit.

He looked back up to her, his eyes had been fixed downstairs for the longest time. Ogling her as she grows increasingly more frustrated with him. "Come on" he egged her on again, abandoning her clitoris and dipping two fingers inside of her.  
She gasped, her body responded immediately and her thighs were locked around his waist. He was exactly where she wanted him to be. 

His fingers reached deep and she threw her head back "please" she moaned out, coming back up for air and meeting his eyes. He stilled wasn't pleased.  
The game was just so fun.

He looked back down, eyeing the mess she had created. "Please?.. " he repeated and retreated his fingers. She responded by hooking her heels onto the edge of the table, scooting herself closer and onto his crotch. Legs spread even further than he would even dare they could go.. In a way she answered him.   
Not passing up the opportunity to look at the sight, he smirked. More as he caught her breathing growing faster. He decided to cut her some slack, slightly pulling back from her he noticed the wet spot she left on his pants.   
Not needing any more confirmation than that really. It still amazed him slightly how okay she was with all this, he wasn't going to ruin it now though.. He also couldn't deny how deep down, how wrong it felt. All this, he couldn't quite place why but he did know it just made it so much better.

He was undoing his pants and caught Sylf peeking over, he was already struggling against the fabric, so restricting and painful against his zipper "I'll admit i regret going commando..."

He got a chuckle out of her from that, zipping his pants down and letting them drop freely to the floor. He didn't really bother with all that, acces is all you need.   
Sylf wiggled her hips up once his cock was freed, every time it still felt like the first time. Higgs sighed in approval at the sight "ya gotta stop doin' that"

She bit her lip, growing more bold by the second and rubbed herself onto his shaft as he stepped in closer. It left Higgs with his mouth slightly agape, fighting the urge to slip inside of her.. Doubting how long he'd last at this point. He's never seen her like this before.  
She was already moaning at the mere touch of him against her, his head started to fog up. The sight and sound of it alone, it felt like a rush. His body took over and his hands went for her thighs, holding onto them as he moved the head of his dick over her slick. Watching her hold her breath every time he slid over her nub.  
He sucked in his bottom lip as he caved, sliding down further and pushing inside of her slowly.   
Sylf immediately responded with a long moan, arching her butt up to have him deeper and bottom out inside of her. 

He shook his head and put his hand down onto the table, his head was racing. With the other hand he held onto one of her thighs. Squeezing the skin as the only and tiniest warning, even then it didn't help much as he started moving his hips in a faster.. And harsher pace as she thought he would. Still not unwanted.  
She moaned out. Again struggling with her constraints, she looked up to Higgs with a pout. Wanting her freedom back.   
He slowed down for a second to reach up, untying the t-shirt behind her head and pulling it off. The moment she had her arms down he started to pump into her again. One of her hands reached for his arms as she curled her back, he was hitting so deep inside of her it had her seeing stars. Her moans turned into something else, something more animalistic. He sometimes followed her with soft groans of his own.

"So.." he had to pause, both were breathing so fast they almost fogged up the room. "did you miss it?" Higgs leaned over. His elbows on each side of her onto the table. With her last walls down her legs hooked around his waist, hands grabbing for the back of his neck.

"Yes" her lips ghosted on his, his hips slowed a bit. "I've always wanted this.." her fingers curled into his hair, getting a growl out of him. He then pushed so deep her head fell back against the table with a loud moan. Eyes rolling back into her head, it was all so vague anyway. Closing her eyes shut as Higgs moved his hips with shallow thrusts.  
Locking him in even harder with the tight hold she has on his waist. Hearing his labored breaths and throaty moans beside her head she clenched down onto him. Feeling the point of no return in sight..

"come inside me" she muttered through the heavy breathing, turning her head towards him. Having their lips brush again.

"Jesu-" his breath caught in his throat, his movements becoming far more irregular and he bit down on his lip. She lost him at that point, it was all he needed to hear. And as she clenched down again, he waited. Pushing deep inside where she would curl up in pleasure. Waiting for her rather than chasing his own pleasure, but god he was close.  
She yelped and he got what he wanted, her fingers dug into the flesh on Higgs' shoulder as she came. Her head pushed into his neck as her inner walls hugged him so tightly. His stomach contracted, his muscles going completely taught as he came undone inside of her. He let out a groan she never heard before, holding him tightly as the sensation of being filled overtakes her, she bit down on his neck.  
He rolled his hips into her a few more times before slowly coming to a stop. Both of them breathing heavy and muscles slowly relaxing.  
Sylf's shoulders fell to the table and she had a wide smile on her face, opening her eyes to see Higgs hovered over her still. Coming down from it all.. 

"Should.. Not have done that probably" He said as he propped up. Glancing down between their bodies as he slides out of her, getting back to his feet he watches the aftermath he had made seep out of her slightly. "yeah" he swallowed at the view but he stood by his earlier statement.

"No but that makes it sooo good" she grinned and closed her legs "Again?"

Higgs just stared at her for a few good seconds as he pulled his pants back up. He felt like he was in a different timeline. She was hitting all of the little crevices under his kin that turned his blood boiling. In a good way.. Or bad way depending how one would look at it. It tugged at the more sex deprived parts of him he didn't even know he had"No" he pointed at her "bad"

She was absolutely pushing his limits, in the best way he could ever imagine and he wasn't sure how to deal with it. She sat up right stood up from the table. As Higgs buttoned his pants Sylf reached over to the waist of it, in an attempt to pull him closer. 

He let her, amused but grabbed her wrist "Do i have to get a water bottle to spray you down?" 

"you make it sound like i'm a bad cat" her eyes went down to the buttons on his pants, lazily unhooking them again with her fingers.

"I see some similarities, for one. Cats do poorly with taking orders, quite like you." he still didn't stop her.

She chuckled, unzipping the pants and reaching her hand inside "I do like taking orders, executing them is the other." she found his now softened shaft and looked up.

He flashed her a smug smile "I'll also have ya know.. That trick we do with our dicks? We can only do it in between certain times"

"What, only on a full moon?"

He scoffed, laughing "yes" he wrapped his arm around her shoulders pulling her in close "Poor choice of words, i'm sayin' i can't just keep goin' like you can."

She pouted and pulled her hand back "Aw what.."

He laughed at how this is all news to her. Dipping his head down and planting his lips onto hers. Smooching as he buttoned his pants back up. "And, we need to get goin'"

The last part of his words left a bit of a sour taste in his mouth. Knowing.. This was going to be one of the few times they'd get to spend more time. As his plans in the near future didn't involve much of being around her.

"can't we stay a bit longer?"

He eyed her for a bit as he contemplated her words. His fingers still on the buttons on his pants as he forgot he was even doing them. The thought was tempting.  
All of the things on his agenda after this.. Not so much. It shocked him how it almost didn't even compare. A part of him, the whole purpose he had set out to fulfill. He thrived on it, but this was something new.  
He eyed her sadly, to which she looked confused in response. Expecting something terrible to leave his mouth. But she was simply so in the dark on.. Everything.  
He looked down and nodded slowly. He chose to do it differently for once, not so strictly by the book.. And maybe way of out of character.

"Sure, we can stay a bit."

**Author's Note:**

> Hi all! First off i'd like to say what most would probably: I'm sorry for any mistakes, typos or writing wise in general. English is not my native language, and i'm by no means a proffesional writer. Regardless, i hope ya'll have fun with this one. I intend for it to be a long one and probably not for the faint of heart. The 'higgs/reader' tag is there for those who enjoy self inserts, i origionally thought about that but the writing style is simply not my thing. If you'd like to know more about the non-canon characters in this story you can get a few glimpses on twitter: https://twitter.com/laughingwallaby (beware highly NSFW content ahead.)
> 
> -; eghh i should also mention this is the first story ive written since yeaaaarrrrsss. And also my first on AO3. but ye. HOPE YOU ENJOYED. I know intro's are always boring : )


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